10+10=20 11+11=22
Rich exclaimed, "I want lots of money!"
The mortician asked the deceased’s wife how she would like the body dressed. He points out the man looks good in the black suit he’s already wearing. The widow however said she thought her husband always looked his best in blue, and she would really like him in a blue suit. She then hands the mortician a blank cheque and says “I don’t care how much it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.” The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe. Remarkably, the suit fit him perfectly. She says to the mortician, “whatever this costs I’m very satisfied, you did an excellent job and I’m incredibly grateful. How much did you spend?” To her astonishment the mortician presents her with her blank cheque, and he says “there’s no charge.” Shocked she replies “no really, I feel like i must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit.” “Honestly ma’am”, the mortician says, “it costs nothing, you see a diseased gentleman about your husbands size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday. He was wearing an attractive blue suit. So I asked his wife if she minded if her husband went to the grave wearing black. She had said it made no difference so long as he looked nice. So from that point on it was really just a matter of switching the heads.”
It’s mail-dominated.
Without missing a beat he said "They can't be, these are the only feet I have"
Proud dad moment!
"Swarm."
They only have a pair of trunks.
-my grandfather, just 5 minutes ago.
I paused for a second while I thought and mumbled, “It’s you. I can tell by the voice.”
...an ether/oar situation...
It was an Apple with limited memory; just one byte. Then, everything crashed.
I'm eggnogstic
...I said I didn't even know he could play cricket.
Edit: Americans; replace 'cricket' with '10 Pin Bowling 🎳 '
Thank you for the awards
Because only a Sith deals in ab salutes.
- Always
- Coming
- From
- Take
- Me
- Down
I said, “Where the hell am I going to find 5 people without any problems?”
Now he’s high on the list of people I never want to talk to again.
She said "Fine... How much does it cost to acquire a church singing group?"
Shit..l meant to post this somewhere else.
Probably not, they've never had a hit.
She looked me dead in the eye and said, “Window or aisle?” I laughed in her face and replied, “Window or you’ll what?”
In medieval times, people were named Lance a lot
Me: Can we change the subject?
Her: Ok. More chores around the house need to be done by you.
It was great. She’s a keeper.
A happy uncle.
by Mrs. Henderson, my high school English teacher and a first-rate whore.
A Civil Serpent.
I call him Dr. Awkward.
Mentos.
My how the stables have turned.
Edit: Wow guys, thanks for all the love!
I said "That means it's pasture bedtime."
My thoughts are with his family.
We have to....She doesn't have one.
So I have an uncle, once removed.
But China got it right off the bat.
He pasta way. We cannoli do so much. Theres nutelling what can happen next... His legacy will become a pizza history. Here today, gone tomato. I can only espress-so much grief, but lettuce romaine calm. How sad that he ran out of thyme. Ashes to ashes, crust to crust. There's just not mushroom left for italian chefs in this world... Sending olive my prayers to his family. His wife is really upset, cheese still not over it... You never sausage a tragic thing. Its such a shame good people die fusilli reasons. It was a farfalle from grace... My condolences for Roberto, who died in the spaghetto. May he rest in yeast🙏🏻❤️
Wow! Im so glad so many people laughed at this joke, I got so much happy feedback from everyone lol thank u sm for all the rewards and upvotes, my week couldnt get better!😁
Well it’s not a law it’s a mandate
The pirate says, "Argh, I've got a Bounty on me head!"
Because it’s capsized.
I told her I think it’s worth a shot
I told her she would roux the day.
I said, “Where the hell am I going to find 5 people without any problems?”
