You want to know where dads store all the dad jokes?
They store it in dad-a-base.
The furniture store keeps calling me.
All I asked for was one night stand!
The cops in my town are having a hard time catching the thieves who are stealing futons from stores.
They are probably lying low.
Once, when working in a store, a man dressed as a a wizard approached the counter...
He said "Do I get any money off for having this big stick?"
I said "No sir, we don't offer staff discount".
Did you see what a big deal the re-opening of the Lego stores was?
People were lining up for blocks
Someone asked me when the donut store opened
Just got home from the grocery store with stuff to make dinner, and my dog went straight for the bags.
I yelled “Get out of there, that’s nachos!”
I was confused as to how much lettuce to buy from the grocery store, so I called my wife.
Turns out two heads are better than one.
My son found some cans of corn used for making grits at the store. He asked if it would hurt if he dropped some on my foot.
Run to the paint store and ...
Saw a cute cashier at the grocery store,
The sales at my florist store are going through the roof!
The salesman at the furniture store told me, “This sofa will seat 5 people without any problems.”
I said, “Where the hell am I going to find 5 people without any problems?”
A friend told me the local furniture store had some nice stools.
Upon closer inspection of their samples, I decided they were pieces of crap.
Yesterday when I walked into a store, a clown held the door open for me.
I thought it was a nice jester
Did you hear about the break-in at the Apple store?
The police are looking for iWitnesses.
My dad went to the grocery store for a pack of cigarettes.
He came back with the cigarettes but told me he filed for divorce.
Over heard a customer at my store say “OK we’re done let’s hit the road”
I butted in and said don’t do that it’ll hurt.
A man walks into a store and asks the clerk for some NaOH. The clerk asks "Isn't that lye?"
So the man says "Basically."
My wife texted me from the grocery store to ask about our pasta supply.
I replied "we're penneless."
I went to a microbrewery and a soft serve ice cream store the other day.
A hitman named Arti was so broke he took a job for $5 and strangled 2 people at the grocery store
The next day the newspaper read "Arti chokes two for $5 at the supermarket"
I heard the 99p store recently turned into poundland
I went to the party store to get balloons for my kids birthday and was talking to the clerk about the rising cost of helium.
The clerk said “Actually, it is due to increased inflation.”
Did you hear about the paddle sale at The Boat Store?
I ordered some ripe, juicy, golden yellow mangoes from a grocery store. But all the mangoes they sent me were green.
I picked up a couple of orchids at the grocery store
Now I know all about plant parenthood
My wife told me she was going to run to the store
I said “you dont have to, you can take the car!”
I bought an onion. Cutting it burned my eyes so badly I went back to the store to complain.
Tried stealing a leg of lamb from the store
A staff asked me what I am doing with that. I replied, "Roasted with potatoes, vegetables and a lamb sauce would be great."
Every time I go to the liquor store, a dude comes out of nowhere to give me advice on what to buy.
He’s my spirit guide.
Edit: Thanks guys.
I went to the hardware store with a friend and the store had pallets of soil, seed, and fertilizer out front. We both stopped and looked at one of the pallets stacked high with bags of dried steer manure. The sign said, "Strict limit 2 per customer."
My friend looked at me and said, "I guess there's only so much shit you can take."
True story.
The guy at the hardware store tried to sell me a 500 ft spool of rope for $2, but I refused.
Heard y’all like puns (flies were found dead, butter was found at the grocery store in the dairy isle)
What did Pat Sajak say when he walked into the pet store?
Someone just robbed the local wig store
The police are combing the area
What does my son call the grocery store?
The “No” factory! (legit)
When I pulled up to the hardware store I saw a guy running away with a wooden panel. I got out the car and as i got closer to the store i saw two more guys running away with concrete posts. I said to my wife...
..."ugh! People are so quick to take a fence these days"
The prosthetics store down the street ran out of stock...
Things are really getting out of hand...
How do you buy a cat, if the pet store is closed.( Made by my 5 year old niece)
You buy it from the cat-alogue
The owner of the tuxedo store kept hovering over me when I was browsing, so I asked him to leave me alone.
He said, “Fine. Suit yourself.”
I know where to store all the great dad jokes found in this subreddit
The salesman at the furniture store told me, “This sofa will seat 5 people without any problems.”
I said, “Where the hell am I going to find 5 people without any problems?”
My wife told me she was going to run to the store
I said “you dont have to, you can take the car!”
The salesman at the furniture store told me, "This sofa will seat 5 people without any problem."
I said, "Where the fuck am I going to find 5 people without any problems?"
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