The Rose Puns

“Don’t you be dandelion to me!”

You could say it was a quick change of plants

Unfortunately, it just made the world cold and gray...

That’s when I finally realized I’m colorblind

I thought, 'That's the biggest wave I've ever seen!'

Gluten Tag

My garden burns

But I bet it was a "beau-coup."

: )

He was a Sioux chef.

I think I'm being stalked.

....Elderflower.

But then it dawned on me

…because the other is a buoy ant

[removed]

The ark of the coven ant.

Mom: "Why are there all these bowls?" Me: "because they are all out of plates."

drops mic

Edit: picks up mic

"I totally meant they are"

drops mic

Miso Thorny

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".

... huh. I didn't see that coming.

Uuuuuuuugggggghhhhh

New Year's Day... The start of a fresh 365 sunrises that symbolize a turning point in lifestyle and spending the entire day recovering from a dreadful hangover. Like many other people in America, this relatively fake holiday is a time that I spend with my family. One of my family's many traditions (alongside annihilating plates of buffalo wings and watching college football until we pass out on the couch) is watching the Rose Parade. At the very beginning of the event, before all of the flower-covered floats and high school bands came marching down the street, there was an introductory ceremony complete with a B-2 stealth bomber flyover. As soon as they passed by, zooming out of the camera's frame, my dad leans in closer to me and says "Well I sure didn't see that coming!"

So we're at the football game and it's really bright and hot for the whole first half. At the start of the third quarter, it's getting to be late afternoon and my dad says, "Nice the sun's almost gone."

And I replied, "Actually Dad, I'm gonna stay for the rest of the game."

"Why Dad?"

"Cause Jesus a-rose from the dead!"

Tells it every year, reactions have gone from groans to my younger brother throwing himself to the ground.