My Dad and the Home Depot Bucket.

When I was 15 there was a Home Depot bucket next to the front door for a while. One night I was watching tv with my mom. She was laying on the couch and I was laying on the floor.

My dad got home from work and as he was taking off his boots he asked β€œHey, where did that Home Depot bucket come from?” And without skipping a beat I said β€œI don’t know. Home Depot?” My mom laughed so hard and my dad was pissed. I got grounded for a week for β€œbeing a smart ass”.

I’m now 26 and to this day when my dad and I go to Home Depot I always chuckle and point to the buckets and ask β€œHey dad, where do you think those come from.”

On one of these trips I picked one up and was examining it when my dad asked me what I was looking for. I turned the bucket upside down and said β€œWell would you look at that dad. They’re from Lowe’s.” I thought he was gonna knock my ass out right there.

TLDR: My dad: β€œWhere did that Home Depot bucket come from?” Me: β€œI don’t know. Home Depot?”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Malfoy1743
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2021
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I was walking up the aisle at my local Home Depot and spotted a cranky looking old man in an orange vest.

β€œExcuse me, could you help me?” I asked.

He grunted in response, barely looking at me.

β€œUm, I’m looking for a way to keep my dogs in my backyard. Do you know where those electric leashes are? I’m trying to decide if I should try that or just block it off with a fence or something.”

He turned to face me and looked me up and down with disdain, β€œDo we look like a pet store?” And he turned around and walked away.

I took a fence.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kgold0
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2020
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An old guy and a young guy were pushing their carts at Home Depot when they collided. The old guy says to the young guy, β€œSorry about that. I’m looking for my wife and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going.”

The young guy says, β€œThat’s okay. It’s a coincidence. I’m looking for my wife, too. I can’t find her and I’m getting a bit anxious.”

The old guy says, β€œWell maybe we can help each other. What does your wife look like?"

The young guy says, β€œShe is 28 years-old, tall, with brown hair, blue eyes, long legs, big boobs and she’s wearing tight white shorts. What does your wife look like?”

The old guy says, β€œDoesn't matter, let’s look for yours.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2018
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My Home Depot Manager got us together for serious store meeting. He asked who was breaking all the lumber in the wood aisle.

Me: (tightening my black belt) I don’t know but he must be pretty strong.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ImVladimirPutin
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2018
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What's the difference between a battleship and Home Depot?

One sinks ships .The other ships sinks.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kevron007
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2018
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What do you sing when you're stuck in the paint aisle at Home Depot?

"Cause I'm, stuck in the middle of hues~"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Littleartistan
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2017
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Gender politics in the Home Depot garden section

So my parents bought a new house, and they are in the process of moving in.

He wants to get some greenery for the front yard, so we're at Home Depot.

He's looking at something, I don't know what, and he makes the comment, "this is almost the exact same thing that we have at the old house, and I love it."

I ask him, "why didn't you like my idea of transplants from the old one to the new house, then?"

Deadpan he replies, "Jay, you know I don't care about a plants sexual orientation or gender."

Seriously, my father, ladies and gentlemen.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mister_Jay_Peg
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2016
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The Home Depot employee and I had a good laugh girlfriend did not.

We are re-staining the banister in our house to match our new floors. So my girlfriend asked what the process is. The employee starts going on how we need to first use stripper to remove the paint. My girlfriend asked how much are strippers. I quickly responded well it depends on how nice, what time of day and where you go to get your stripper. Everyone had a good laugh my girlfriend was not amused.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gingersluck
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2014
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My dad yelling at the ladders at home depot

"You're not my real ladder! You're my step ladder!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jtree5757
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2015
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Home Depot checkout line is as good a place as any for a dad joke

I needed to run to Home Depot just a little while ago, and my eight year old son has been driving my wife insane, so he was sent with me. He asked a hundred questions about what tool does what and why I needed this or that. Despite my distracted supervision, he surely mixed up several loose nuts and bolts.

At the exit of the self checkout line, there's a massive gumball machine that holds massive gumballs. I rarely carry change, so he's out of luck.

Sonny Boy: Dad, can I have a quarter?

Me (checking out): Nope. Don't have one.

Sonny Boy: You don't have any cents?

Me: If I had any cents, I'd have left you at home tonight.

No, he didn't get it, and I'm shocked he set it up so well by saying cents. But, the dude in the line next to me let out a solid guffaw. We made the satisfying, knowing eye contact of two dad joke aficionados. I'm glad someone else heard it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dtsjr
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2014
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The Cheerio story

So once upon a time, there was a planet shaped like a cheerio. A small moon made of milk or tied the planet, going through the center of the donut shaped world. On this planet, lived an interesting species. They acted and lived similarly to us humans? But looked just like large Cheerios (with footings hands and feet like miis) Within this society there were levels of Cheerios: original, honey nut, and finally frosted. The originals were the backbone of the economy, doing the herd labor while the honey nuts ran the businesses and the frosted Cheerios (the top of the top) led the world. Our story today focuses on a single Cheerio. Born into an original Cheerio family, this lad learned the hard way how to work. From a young age, he was forced to get a job in the local milk refinery, where his dad worked. He grew up, and soon had a family of his own. His wife, son, and daughter all worked hard, but were happy. One day walking home from school, the kids found a runaway honey nut Cheerio pup, and decided to keep him. It wasn’t much, but it inspired our little Cheerio friend here. One day, he got fed up with taking orders, and demanded a raise. His entire family has worked in this one factory for three generations, and he wanted to move up in the world, not just for him but also his kids. His old boss however, did not have the power to promote this Cheerio, and he was forced to make a life changing decision: he would go to the refinery company and use every penny in the family savings account (under the bed) to try and get a higher position. After waiting on line for over a week, his appoint was finally here. After bickering and bargaining for hours, the refinery company boss saw a spark in this lad’s eye. He agreed to give this Cheerio a promotion to the honored honey nut glaze in exchange for everything this man owned, including the family’s prized honey nut dog. Was it worth it? Well pretty soon he owned his own milk refinery and was able to breed his own honey nut dogs, so yes, yes it was. Owning and operating the refinery went smoothly. Milk was transported from the moon to the planet using space busses, and the milk itself was funneled down to the refineries using large straws. After the milk was ready to drink, it was shipped off to be sold. He was happy working here, but eventually he realized it wasn’t enough. This Cheerio, once a simple original Cheerio wanted to follow the β€œAmerican dream” and do the best he could. He wanted to become a frosted Ch

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jackcrackaman
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2019
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My teacher said "If you don't study you're screwed" and then brought out a huge screw and waved it around

Then he told the story of how he went to Home Depot and bought the biggest screw he could find just for that joke

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cubonekarakara
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2015
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Getting some keys cut

I took my daughter to get some keys cut at Home Depot. She picked out a pink one and I picked out a super awesome Star Wars key. They cut her key first followed by mine

"Daddy, the machine is louder cutting your key"

"Well kiddo, that's because Star Wars keys need more Force"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/minnick27
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2016
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Padres of the Caribbean

Dad and I are leaving Home Depot and cross paths with a gentleman carrying some 2x4s over his shoulder through the crosswalk. He stops the car and turns to me with, "Looks like he's... walking the plank." Dad literally cant drive the car because he's doubled over the steering wheel crying. All I can do is meet the stares of fellow shoppers with the deadpan face of one who has just been dad-joked. I will become him one day.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ColdSoup74
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2013
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Driving to College with my mom and my dad...

And there's a plastic box in the back with all my shampoo and shit in it clunking around making noise. I tell my mom that it might have been better to put my toiletries in a safer place, to which my dad responds, "well I'm going to grow a whole orchard and sell them to Home Depot. You know, those toilet trees that you have."

Ughhh, I'll be glad once I'm at college

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RaptorX7
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2014
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My Dad's proudest moment was actually my joke....

We're walking into Home Depot or Lowe's sometime in November 2007. For whatever reason (probably $) this store had displayed their Christmas trees by tying a rope around the trunk a few strong branches down from the top and hanging them to normal level from the rafters instead of mounting them in some sort of water. My dad makes some comment about this "Oh, look, they hung the trees."

Without thinking or even realizing what I'm about to say, I respond: "They must have committed High Treason."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/footstepsfading
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2013
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Got dad joked by a stranger at Home Depot possibly my future self

As I was leaving the Home Depot today an elderly man likely in his 70's approached me and said,

"Hey young man I want to tell you something, you how they always see bees flying around gas stations?"

I didn't but I wanted to leave so I said "yes"

He says "Well they found out the bees are using the bathroom while they're flying around the gas station... And you know what their favorite gas station is?"

I say "Ummm nope"

He says "BP! Bee pee! You get it!"

I got a good laugh at that one and for some strange reason I feel that some number of years from now I will be trolling the Home Depot parking lot making Bee Pee jokes and someone will send me back in time to save dad joking for future generations and I will tell myself that joke for the first time today...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jimillett
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2016
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Good Jeans?

At the Home Depot today with my wife and son at the register talking to the cashier about to pay. I pull out my Military ID in hopes for a discount and she says of course they honor the discount.

In the process of her honoring the discount she compliments me on how young I look. I'm 29 but she said "You don't look a day over 18. You must have some really good genes!!" I respond, "Oh thanks, these are just Levi's though"

Cringes all around.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/atmoicwedgie
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2014
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Dadjoked my Dad at Home Depot

I was at Home Depot with my dad as I watched him throw wood into the cart.

Me: "Hey careful with that. Do you think wood grows on trees."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir_Idols
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2014
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Bought some roofing material today...

The cashier asked me, "are you going to put this on your Home Depot Card?"

"Nah, I'm going to put it on my chicken coop."

Wife, upon hearing it: "Nice one, 'John' (deceased father's name, not mine...I learned from the master).

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πŸ‘€︎ u/YYURYYUBICURYY4ME
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2015
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Sometimes, I'm the butt of the joke.

We were walking around Home Depot and I tripped over a mop that had fallen, which brought down some items near me. Naturally, everyone within the vicinity looked at me and at this moment, my mother's boyfriend says: "Just call her 'Grace'."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ohhoneyno_
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2015
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Got my wife REALLY good

We're in the process of packing up our house to move to a new one. So we have a ton of boxes from Home Depot on the side that are labeled "Home Depot moving boxes".

So she looks and says "I know you're supposed to use these really small boxes for books. But what are you supposed to use these really big ones for?"

My response: "Well, it says on the side they're used for moving."

She looked like she wanted to throttle me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zero44
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2014
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Just dad joked my younger brother

So we were at Home Depot waiting for someone to come cut some wood, when my brother points at the price for the plastic trim behind me.

Brother: It costs 914 dollars?!

Me: No.

Brother: They should really make that clear then.

Me: But then you couldn't see it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SageC_Random12
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2014
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Home Depot

We were driving by Home Depot.

Dad: This is the new anti-drug headquarters. Family: What? Dad: It's Home De-pot! Mom&Brother: [groan] Me: XD

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2014
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My Dad's Deon.

Today, my dad told me about his friend Deon, and the many nicknames he had when he was job-switching.

Dad: He works on boats now, so we call him Freeon Deon (I didn't actually get this one.)

But before that, when he worked in the lights section of Home Depot, he was Neon Deon.

And when he was a plumber, we called him Peon Deon.

But after a while, he told me, with such a sombre and serious face, that that entire time, Deon's wife worked at one hard, thankless job to keep his spirits up.

Me: What was that Dad?

Dad: Her job... was to Be On Deon.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Griffinson
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2014
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Dad got me on the way to the store

I had the GPS on and we were almost there.

Dad: "I thought we were going to Home Depot! It says we're going to Destination."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/orangeinferno
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2015
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Home Depot Greeter

My husband and I walked into Home Depot to go shopping. They often have their orange buckets by the door to use as a basket.

When my husband grabbed it he said, "I can purchase this, right?"

The greeter said, "Yeah just do me a favor and don't kick it. "

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mamabearmcb
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2014
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A nice little Sunday at Home Depot...

My wife and I were at Home Depot walking through the kitchen section pointing out which granite was nicest. Then she said, "..but quartz is what I want", to which I replied, "of quartz you do".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/brianvsshark
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2014
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grandpas are still dads, right?

we're in the check-out line at home depot "will that be all?" "if i wanted anything else, ida put it in the damn cart."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PLaGuE-
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2014
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Sorry for the format, just had to share this little gem...

Today at the checkout line in Home Depot, my dad decides to open up the conversation with the cashier with, "You know, one time I met MR. Depot..." Hard to keep a straight face after that one...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/drugorexic
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2014
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Outlet malls

I'm a dad, so this counts right?

Some coworkers were discussing outlet malls when I piped up, "I don't know why people make such a big deal about them. I think Home Depot has the best price on outlets."

The eyerolls were deafening.

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2013
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