My wife and I are finally fulfilling my lifelong dream of visiting The Golden Gate in person.

She said, β€œWhat would you do when you finally see it?”

I said, β€œI’ll cross the bridge when I get there.”

πŸ‘︎ 107
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
🚨︎ report
BR EAK ING NE WS....'Bill Gates has agreed to pay for the finishing of Trumps Wall."

(on the condition he gets to install Windows in it)

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you break down the gates to the Cookie Castle?

With a batter-ing ram to do it all at once, or you can chocolate chip away at it for a long time.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hornwalker
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Why are there gates around the cemetery?

Because people are dying to get in.

πŸ‘︎ 62
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SexWithShrek
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Next month, I’m going to fulfill my lifelong dream of seeing The Golden Gate in San Francisco in person.

My wife said, β€œWhat are you going to do when you finally see it?”

Me: I’ll cross that bridge when I get there.

πŸ‘︎ 424
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2020
🚨︎ report
So, 3 nuns die in a car crash and end up before the gates of St Peter....

St Peter says to the nuns "Given you are nuns and have devoted your life to good works you only need to answer a single question each to enter Heaven."

He looks to the first nun and asks "where did the first woman live?"

The first nun quickly replied "the garden of Eden".

St Peter nods approval and looks to the second nun "what was the name of the first woman?"

The second nun pauses for a second and then replies "Eve."

"Well done!" Says St Peter before turning to the third nun and saying "As the Mother Superior you should be able to answer this; what did Eve say to Adam when she first saw him?"

The Mother Superior furrows her brow and says "oh, that's a hard one".

"Correct!" Says St Peter. "You may enter."

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/atheistmil
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2020
🚨︎ report
I saw Bill Gates at the airport today
πŸ‘︎ 99
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πŸ‘€︎ u/recursivelybetter
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2020
🚨︎ report
"Have you ever done anything good?" St. Peter asked a guy when he showed up at the Pearly Gates. "To protect a young girl I punched the leader of a motorcycle gang, kicked his bike over, and told them all to back off!" said the man. St. Peter was impressed, "When did you do this?"

"Oh, just a couple of minutes ago."

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jan_Tik
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2019
🚨︎ report
We went to a national park yesterday and they told us at the gate that there's no drug or alcohol in the park

I told them that it was ok, we brought our own.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mesoposty
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2020
🚨︎ report
To call the whole Elon Musk controversy β€œElon-Gate” seems like a bit of a stretch
πŸ‘︎ 14k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JuIius_Seizure95
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2018
🚨︎ report
Doctor: Why do you think you have the Corona virus, Mr. Gates?

Bill Gates: I feel like a million dollars.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2020
🚨︎ report
At the pearly gates, Saint Peter asks new arrivals what they did for a living...

The first person says β€œI was a doctor, I saved lives.” St. Peter lets him in.

The second person says β€œI was a teacher, I educated and inspired hundreds of children”. St Peter lets him in.

The third says β€œI was a musician, I brought joy and beautiful music to many people.”

St. Peter says β€œok, but you’ll have to go around back and come in through the kitchen.”

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/02K30C1
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2020
🚨︎ report
When I reach home, my 1.5 y.o. son rushes out to the gate to sit in my lap while I park the car. Then he just grabs the steering and starts shaking it with brrrmmm brrrmmm sound. His cute antics always make me forget that he's suffering from a rare disease.

It's called Parking Son's disease.

Edit: Thanks for the gold, kind stranger.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/unlucky_genius
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2018
🚨︎ report
Wow, I lived during the time Bill Gates was alive

I can't wait to tell that to people a thousand years from now!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mawire
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Saw the damnedest thing at the airport. A vulture was trying to board the plane with a dead, rotting animal hanging out of its mouth. Gate agent tried to stop him...

...and the vulture said, "I'm clearly permitted one piece of carrion luggage."

πŸ‘︎ 86
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πŸ‘€︎ u/theposshow
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2019
🚨︎ report
No one was Garden the front gate
πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Blue-Mage913
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2019
🚨︎ report
So 3 nuns die and go to Heaven and are at the pearly gates...

After dying in a fatal car crash, 3 nuns end up at the pearly gates and the saint there tells them "Since you're so pure of heart and free of sin you can all go into the Kingdom of Heaven if you answer 3 questions. I'm going to ask you one question each."

The saint turns to the first nun and asks: "Who were the first two humans God created?"

She says: "Adam and Eve!"

She gets into Heaven.

The saint turns to the second nun and asks: "What was the one thing Adam and Eve were told not to do in the Garden of Eden?"

She says: "They weren't allowed to eat the fruit of knowledge!"

She gets into Heaven.

The saint turns to the last nun - the mother superior - and says "Since you're the mother superior my last question is going to be difficult to answer, but if you answer correctly you can get into Heaven. So my question for you is: What was the first thing Eve said to Adam when they realized they were naked?"

Now she has to think a little and as she thinks she's close to conceding, uttering "Gee, that's a hard one..."

The saint lets her right into Heaven.

The End.

πŸ‘︎ 282
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thora-suan
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2018
🚨︎ report
[Dad Joke courtesy of Stephen King] The big moron and the little moron were standing on the Golden Gate bridge. The big moron fell off. Why didn't the little moron fall off too?

Because the little moron was a little more on.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MysteryOrange7
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Some people believe that the creator of Minecraft is Bill Gates.

Well, he's Notch.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Carapuceau
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2019
🚨︎ report
A door has been bullied by a gate for a while and has decided to talk to his friend the window about it...

Door: I don't know what to do...

Window: It's going to be okay, you can handle this!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Deyaline
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2019
🚨︎ report
I got into a fight with the Home Owner's Association about my gate. So they took it down.

I guess you could say they took offense.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Skididlydoo
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2019
🚨︎ report
The pearly gates

St. Peter was guarding the Pearly Gates, waiting for new souls coming to heaven. He saw Jesus walking by and caught his attention. "Jesus, could you mind the gate while I go do an errand?"

"Sure," replied Jesus. "What do I have to do?"

"Just find out about the people who arrive. Ask about their background, their family, and their lives. Then decide if they deserve entry into Heaven."

"Sounds easy enough. OK."

So Jesus manned the gates for St. Peter. The first person to approach the gates was a wrinkled old man. Jesus summoned him to sit down and sat across from him. Jesus peered at the old man and asked, "What did you do for a living?"

The old man replied, "I was a carpenter."

Jesus remembered his own earthly existence and leaned forward. "Did you have any family?" he asked.

"Yes, I had a son, but I lost him."

Jesus leaned forward some more. "You lost your son? Can you tell me about him?"

"Well, he had holes in his hands and feet."

Jesus leaned forward even more and whispered, "Father?"

The old man leaned forward and whispered, "Pinocchio?"

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Hope some of you get/gait/gate the joke
πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kauntest
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2018
🚨︎ report
At the airport gate, they announce that all smart bags must be checked. My mom asks my dad, "What's a smart bag?"

"The opposite of a douche bag"

Thanks, dad.

πŸ‘︎ 177
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lucidtree
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2018
🚨︎ report
The Golden Gate Bridge's new slogan.

The jump of a lifetime.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dunn_with_this
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2018
🚨︎ report
You don't need to explain everything to Bill. Bill Gates it. And the same is with Tommy. Hilfiger it out himself.

.

πŸ‘︎ 137
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πŸ‘€︎ u/v_cleaner
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2016
🚨︎ report
My back gate was frozen shut today. Had to try to climb over it to get the garbage to the alley.

I somehow managed to get myself stuck up there. I’m still on the fence about it.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cylasbreakdown
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2019
🚨︎ report
[Wholesum] Euler Meets St. Peter at the Pearly Gates

St. Peter: Your number's up Euler, and Isaac Newton says you have to count all the spheres in the universe before you can enter heaven. What say ye?

Euler: Sigma balls, Dick.


Sigma is used to notate summation.

Summation is the process of adding things together.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Target359
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2018
🚨︎ report
The Grim Reaper went to collect a soul. Upon arriving he says to the unfortunate man: "Your time has come, prepare to leave the land of the living and follow me to the gates of heaven. Now come and don't hesitate, for I am unforgiving. Or else you will wander in the shadow realm for eternity!

Hi unforgiving, I'm dad"

"Yes you are"

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sint__Maarten
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Have you heard the don't need the golden gate bridge any longer?

Because it's already long enough

πŸ‘︎ 45
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πŸ‘€︎ u/motoman2550
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2017
🚨︎ report
The metal gate at the old mansion was badly decayed...

As though it were made of "rot" iron.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2018
🚨︎ report
Why did the dad buy a gate?

Because he thought it was a-door-able.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pdonkey
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2018
🚨︎ report
My neighbor stole my front gate and I'm totally scared to call the cops...

Because he might take a fence.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2018
🚨︎ report
I was travelling to Australia and they asked me at the gate if I had any arrests or felonies...

I didnt know that was still a requirement to get in!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Superfist
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2018
🚨︎ report
If Elon Musk and Bill Gates put their genes into a baby, the baby would get longer...

The baby will elongate.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ethan_Roberts123
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2018
🚨︎ report
My wife and I are planning a trip to San Francisco to finally fulfill my lifelong dream of seeing The Golden Gate in person.

She asked me, β€œWhat are you going to do when you see it?”

I said, β€œLet’s cross that bridge when we get there.”

πŸ‘︎ 8k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2018
🚨︎ report
I’m so excited that my wife and I are finally visiting San Francisco to see the Golden Gate in person.

She asked me, β€œWhat are you going to do when we see it?”

Me: We’ll cross that bridge when we get there.

πŸ‘︎ 409
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2018
🚨︎ report
My wife and I are going on a trip to San Francisco to fulfill my lifelong dream of seeing the Golden Gate in person.

She said, β€œ What are you going to do when you finally see it?”

I said, β€œLet’s cross that bridge when we get there.”

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife and I are finally visiting San Francisco to fulfill my lifelong dream of seeing the Golden Gate in person.

Her: What would you do when we see it?

Me: Let’s cross that bridge when we get there.

πŸ‘︎ 55
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2018
🚨︎ report
When I reach home, my youngest son rushes out to the gate to sit in my lap while I park the car. Then he just grabs the steering and starts shaking it while making car sounds. His cute antics always make me forget that he is suffering from a rare disease.

It is called Parking Son's disease.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Quint_Cordewener
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Why are there gates around the cemetery

Because people are always dying to get in

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/worldspiney
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife and I are finally going to visit San Francisco to see the Golden Gate in person.

Her: What are you going to do when we see it?

Me: We’ll cross that bridge when we get there.

πŸ‘︎ 54
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2018
🚨︎ report

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