I have finale cracked the most difficult problem. I now know all the digits of pi.
The big bad wolf converted to Buddhism and there was finally peace in the forest. But suddenly, the air was filled with screams of terror! A bear asked the animals running past him, "What's happening now?"
"The big bad wolf!" a goat shouted. "Is meditating!"
"So? Isn't that a good thing? questioned the bear.
"Noooo!" the goat bleated. "It's become aware wolf!"
I finally told the girl I like I thought she was hot
She told me to turn on the Air Conditioner
I went to dinner with a couple of Vikings and they kept tapping on the table and laughing. I finally asked what was so funny and they said:
“You wouldn’t get it, it’s Norse code”
Once I became a parent, I finally understood the . . .
scene where Yoda gets so tired of answering Luke's questions that he just dies.
Imagine if Aladdin took place in Italy and when he finally finds the lamp and gives it a good rub, out pops...
After graduating from the Aerosmith Chinese culinary and language school, I can finally...
Wok this way, and talk this way
Finally took my chances and went put on the pull with my new aftershave called breadcrumbs
Complete success! The birds love it
8 months in and I finally got a good dad joke over the weekend.
In the subdivision where I live there are 2 open fields with cows in each one, one of those fields is being turned into a sports complex. My friends were wondering where the cows would go and one of them suggested that they would just have all the cows in one field, to which I replied “well then it would just be overCOWded”
Thanks guys
The Final Catholic Service
The Final Catholic religious service right before the world is destroyed will be held in an ICBM silo.
They'll have Critical Mass.
An English ship on the way to Germany suddenly starts making water and is about to capsize.. After some trying they finally manage to reach the coastguard "We're sinking, we're sinking!!"
.. A confused but also quite curious voice responds.. "What are you sinking about?"
Apparently, the producers of The Flintstones were planning to make one final episode where Fred’s brother marries Barney’s brother.
It was cancelled because it was the 60s and Americans weren’t yet ready to have a gay old time.
Once I finally finished installing the thin wood flooring in my large living room, I thought to myself...
With Lil Nas X's Satan Shoes, the devil can finally steal our soles.
I finally got the Covid vaccine yesterday and as I was driving I noticed my vision was blurry. I called the vaccination center and asked if I should go to the doctor or hospital. They said no.
But they encouraged me to immediately return to the vaccination center to pick up my glasses.
I finally saw the new Justice League movie but when the heroes ended up in a funky little shack down the Atlanta highway, I was confused at first.
It was the Fred Schneider cut. Oops!
I was walking past the river today and this guy asked me if his rod looked good. Then, he asked if I liked his net. When he continued on and asked if I was impressed by the amount of fish he had caught, I finally lost it and shouted...
"Hey buddy, quit fishing for compliments!"
After telling my kids 3 times I finally said: “why isn’t the dishwasher running!?”
Because it doesn’t have any feet!
How did the big hairy gay man pass his final exams?
He was smarter than the average bear.
Why did the truck driver finally stop farting?
I was in the toilet for so long, I finally said to myself....
I'm getting too old for this s**t.
After hours of trying, I finally got the lid off a can
I finally got my dream job at the guillotine factory
I’ll beheading there shortly
Edit: Thanks for the silver. My first ever award!
I finally bought the limited edition Thesaurus that I've always wanted. When I opened it, all the pages were blank
I have no words to describe how angry I am.
They're finally spilling the beans
It FINALLY happened.
Almost 40 and growing my beard out for the first time. Wife finally says "You know I'm starting to like it." And I could finally say "Yeah. It's growing on me."
When my parents would go to the bar, my dad would always carry his drink to the table in his left hand and my mother’s in the other. I finally asked him why...
And he said, “Because your mother is always right.”
I finally watched Dirty Dancing for the first time.
I had the time of my life.
I heard that the jalapeño finally finished school.
He is now known as Dr. Pepper
All my vegetables got stolen and the cops finally showed up.
Jean-Pierre’s dream of meeting an Extra-Terrestrial finally came true. His first question for the alien was...
You must be from Mars, eh?
The rocket scientists finally figured out what when wrong with their missile launch ...
Turns out it was a case of projectile dysfunction.
Prom Night
A teenage boy is getting ready to take his girlfriend to the prom. First he goes to rent a tux, but there’s a long tux line at the shop and it takes forever.
Next, he has to get some flowers, so he heads over to the florist and there’s a huge flower line there. He waits forever but eventually gets the flowers.
Then he heads out to rent a limo. Unfortunately, there’s a large limo line at the rental office, but he’s patient and gets the job done.
Finally, the day of the prom comes. The two are dancing happily and his girlfriend is having a great time. When the song is over, she asks him to get her some punch, so he heads over to the punch table and there’s no punchline.
My wife and I are finally fulfilling my lifelong dream of visiting The Golden Gate in person.
She said, “What would you do when you finally see it?”
I said, “I’ll cross the bridge when I get there.”
The USA has finally been upgraded to be fully digital.
The new America is called USB.
After many years of therapy, my psychologist has finally cured me of the desire to sit in the corner in public and blow on people that walk by! But now I have the urge to wear teen idol t-shirts and lean against the wall...
Long time fan, first time poster.
I finally went to talk to the super cute girl who works in the Egyptian super market.
Her: What can I do for you?
Me: I'm looking for a date.
Her: Oh, what kind of dates?
Me: Uhmm, just dinner and a movie :)
The man was finally about to escape prison when he realised he forgot something. He ran back and grabbed acne cream. Why?
What did the lost bee say when he finally found his home?
Hive never been so happy.
Finally got around to watching the whole “Back to the Future” trilogy!
I finally came up with a plan to get rid of the ice on my driveway
I have it all thawed out.
I finally see why people don’t like the live action DC films!
Because they don’t do the heroes justice
Made it finally to the beach after lockdown and joyously shouted...
Did you hear about the Sith apprentice who finally got his printer to work?
I hear the problem was A dam driver.
Did you hear the one about the Mexican Magician? He announced to his audience: "For my final illusion, I will make myself vanish on the count of three…"
"… UNO! DOS!" *POOF* And he vanished without a Tres.
I finally got a job at the guillotine factory.
I'll beheaded there soon.
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