Why is Dwayne Johnson's head revered by the Muslim faith?

Because it's the Dome of the Rock.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Spudquake
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2020
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A French guy started a charitable foundation that symbolizes the coexistence between faiths; combining "Red Cross" and "Red Crescent". What did he call it?

Red Croissant

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dubaidadjokes
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2020
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I just realized what current newborns of the Islamic faith will be called from 2033-2040

Qur’an teens

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πŸ‘€︎ u/daddymcdadjokes
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2020
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I strongly considered joining the muslin faith until I realized the entire thing was a fabrication.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/88bitmusic
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2017
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Jet Engine Fueled by the Faith of Christ

THE POWER OF CHRIST PROPELS YOU

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AnchorMcDaddy
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2019
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I have faith in the hook I installed

It's something I can hang my hat on

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πŸ‘€︎ u/torakwho
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2016
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What do members of the Baha'i faith use as their holy book?

The Baha'ible.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jeevers84
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2018
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What do the parishioners of the Box faith call the parishioners of the Bag faith?

Sack-religious

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πŸ‘€︎ u/YarnSpinner
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2013
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Faith No More came on the car radio.

Turned to my son and said, "This song is totally Epic."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ooklamok
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2014
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I re-skinned my drums with the skin my faithful steed Chestnut. I want people to reflect on the emotional connection between man and beast through the art of drum solos.

But my wife says I'm just beating a dead horse.

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2019
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Mike Tyson is a religious guy.

He punches people in the faith.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Degtyrev
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2021
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What is the most faithful fruit?

The can't-elope

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πŸ‘€︎ u/magniankh
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2016
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I recently watched a documentary on Mike Tyson. I had no idea he was so religious...

He kept saying he likes to hit people in the FAITH!!!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pyrojodge
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2020
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Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip. ..

After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend.

"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

"I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes," replies Watson.

"And what do you deduce from that?"

Watson ponders for a minute.

"Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?"

Holmes is silent for a moment. "Watson, you idiot!" he says. "Someone has stolen our tent!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2020
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This kid at the school assembly is my hero

Context: Our school was having a presentation at assembly from Together for Humanity - "a multi-faith not-for-profit organisation that is helping schools, organisations and communities to respond effectively to differences of culture and belief". The presenters were an orthodox Jew, a Muslim, a Christian and an atheist.

When they asked for questions at the end, my new hero asked "Have you ever gone to a bar together?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/D-Nizzle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2017
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So the Pope walks into a mosque...

and the Imam says 'Why the wrong faith?'

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CpnCodpiece
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2019
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Eating fish makes you smarter

You’ve heard that eating fish makes you smarter? Well, here’s the proof!

A customer at the local grocery store marveled at the proprietor’s quick wit and intelligence.

β€œTell me, what makes you so smart?” he asked the owner.

β€œI wouldn’t share my secret with just anyone,” came the reply. Then, lowering his voice so the other shoppers wouldn’t hear, he continued. β€œBut since you’re a good and faithful customer, I’ll let you in on it. Fish heads. You eat enough of them, you’ll be positively brilliant.”

β€œYou sell them here?” the customer asked.

β€œOnly $4 apiece,” said the grocer.

The customer quickly bought three. A week later, he was back in the store complaining that the fish heads were disgusting and he wasn’t any smarter.

β€œYou didn’t eat enough,” replied the store owner, and the customer went home with 20 more fish heads. Two weeks later, he was back and this time he was really angry.

β€œHey,” he said, β€œYou’re selling me fish heads for $4 apiece when I just found out I can buy the whole fish for $2.You’re ripping me off!”

β€œYou see?” replied the grocer.β€œYou’re smarter already.”

http://bestcleanfunnyjokes.com/eating-fish-makes-you-smarter/

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tfraymond
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2019
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There's a little known country in central Europe that is ruled by a monarchy...

Not many people are aware of its existence but I assure that it is there all the same. The king of this little land faces a lot of difficulty. He wants to make his kingdom into a sovereign nation but unfortunately they do not have the infrastructure, population, or economy to do so. In fact, this small state is only known for a single export. Thanks to their proximity to some of the finest gold and other metals in the world but total lack of an ability to process those metals on a mass scale, they have been left with only one option. You know the saying; when life hands you lemons, make lemonade. Make lemonade they did. This tiny territory is renowned for creating the highest quality watches in the world. No expense is spared and their elite group of craftsmen train for their entire lives from childhood to produce these terrific timepieces. Men of great wealth and taste have been known to trade entire fortunes for just a single one of these watches; that is how valuable they are.

The king knows this and he knows that only a small portion of his populace can ever hope to become one of the respected elite, let alone hold one of their masterpieces in their own hands. Being a very just and fair man, the king ordered the most senior watchmaker in the land to create something the likes of which had never been seen. A watch of such great craftsmanship so as to be above monetary value. The man labored long and hard for many nights to produce the king's watch. When he at last presented the completed work to his lord - in front of the entire nation, no less - he was met with thunderous applause and a warm embrace. He had done it! The king then made a shocking announcement.

"This masterpiece belongs to my people!"

When the roaring of the crowd died down he continued.

"This watch shall be a symbol of my love for all of you. Though I rule over you with supreme authority I do not wish a single one of you to feel that you do not have a voice in the ruling of this nation. From this day on let anyone who doubts my decisions or questions my judgment wear this watch and stand as my equal to voice their concerns. Should even a single one of you think me unfair or wrong in any matter then simply come to my castle and I will present you this token of good faith."

The king made good on his word and from that day on all citizens knew they held the right to challenge their king's rulings. Over time the watch became a symbol of fairness throughout the land. Anyone who wore it

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2016
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The government denied tax exemption for my church that believes Jesus spoke with a lisp

It was a real slap in the faith.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ImJesusBro
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2018
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The best joke my dad ever told

My dad is really proud of this one. It's the only joke he's ever told that's been funny enough to make somebody laugh so hard that they spit out of their nose. It was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for this joke, so let me give you some context first:

He's been in a motorcycle accident (hit and run by an illegal immigrant), and had to have most of his vertebrae fused. They use titanium rods to hold your back from bending, so as you can imagine its kind of a major operation. His doctor prescribed a year (or longer if needed) of massage therapy, which he was thankful for. Twice a week he went in to a small clinic for a few hours at a time, and usually had the same masseuse. Let's call her Marge.

After four months of therapy they of course got to know each other very well. He was always faithful to my mother, but he was good friends with Marge. Their conversations range all the way from baseball to differentials, and everything stays platonic.

Here's where the story begins:

During a massage, they are having an energetic conversation, the time comes where he turns onto his back so that she can get to his knee ligaments (chainsawed his kneecap a few years prior, doc said may as well get there too). She goes at it like normal, and the conversation continues. Now here comes the part that made my dad wait to tell me this until recently: The "stimulation" in his knee for some reason, on that day out of all others, triggered a reflexive erection. There was nothing he could do to stop it.

The conversation goes quiet. Marge notices, but doesn't say a word. She remains professional. She continues working. My dad is more embarrassed than he's ever been. Several minutes of silence pass, and my dad cant take it anymore.

"Marge," he says, "I think we need to talk about the elephant in the room."

He raises his head to look down the table at her. He glances at it, then back to her. With a slight shake of his head he says:

"Wait nevermind, it's only his trunk"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DONT_PM_MEH_PLEES
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2015
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Bacon Puns

Why didn’t the drunk Mexican druglord find the Bacon Tree? Because he walked into a Ham Bush!


Whats green and smells like bacon? Β Kermit the Frog’s finger! Why do we cook bacon and bake cookies?


Why did the pig go into the kitchen? He felt like bacon.


Which actor is now being quarantined for Swine Flu? Β Kevin Bacon


If you can’t get Swine Flu from eating bacon what can you get? A1: Obesity A2: Heart Disease A3: Hardening of the Arteries


Whats the name of the movie about Bacon? A1: Frankenswine A2: Hamlet Why do pigs go to New York City? To see the Big Apple.


Why was the meat packer arrested? For bringing home the bacon.


What do you get when you cross a pig and a chicken? The best bacon-and-eggs of your life.


Why did the pig kill the farmer? To save his own bacon. What do you call a bacon wrapped dinosaur? Jurrasic Pork.


What do you call a pig that can tell you about his ancestors? History in the bacon.


How do they get up there? In pigup trucks. What do you get when you cross a pig and a centipede? Bacon and Legs.


What would happen if pigs could fly? The price of bacon would go skyrocket.


What did the boy bacon say to the girl bacon? Girl, you’re bacon my heart melt.


What are they warned to watch out for? Pigpockets.


First Carter Page and now Betsy DeVos. Trump’s cabinet is like a game of six degrees of Kevin Bacon except with Russia.


Everything must be wrapped in bacon, including bacon.


If Kevin Bacon doesn’t whisper β€œHere comes the Baconator” before he has sex all my faith in humanity is lost


I’ll acknowledge Canada Day when they finally acknowledge that’s not bacon


If Donald Trump really KNOWS the average WORKER then where are the pics of Trump hungover in 7-Eleven buying bacon in sweat pants?


This guy ordered a vegetarian sandwich and then added bacon. It was like watching someone have a mid-life crisis and then find a cool hobby.


If we don’t build a wall on our northern border, they’ll soon be maple syrup & Canadian bacon trucks on every corner.


I signed an Executive Order to make Saturday morning bacon and eggs and pancakes with triple butter and syrup non-fattening.


My bedroom smells like maple, bacon and beaver…because I’m Canadian.


When the waitress calls you Babycakes you know you’re getting extr

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Punsville
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2017
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Good Parenting

So, it's service week at my school and I decided to serve locally at a nearby elementary school. I was assigned to a 3rd grade class. On the second day, the whole class was setting up Google Classroom, and after completing it, one of the little buggers looked at me said with a huge smile

"I'm done!"

Being a man of culture, I naturally responded with

"Hi Done! I'm [Dakkadence]."

The little girl looked at me, groaned, and facepalmed. She whined

"That's my dad's joke!"

With kids getting such an upbringing, I'm slowly regaining my faith for the next generation.

Edit: A word.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dakkadence
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2018
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The Three Kingdoms

so there’s a far-off place that consists of a perfectly triangular lake surrounded by land, with three kingdoms on the three sides of the lake. the first kingdom is rich and powerful, filled with wealthy, prosperous people. the second kingdom is more humble, but has its fair share of wealth and power, too. the third kingdom is struggling and poor, and barely has an army.

the kingdoms eventually go to war over control of the lake, as it’s a valuable resource to have. the first kingdom sends 100 of their finest knights, clad in the best armor and each with their own personal squire. the second kingdom sends 50 of their knights, with fine leather armor and a few dozen squires of their own. the third kingdom sends their one and only knight, an elderly warrior who has long since passed his prime, with his own personal squire.

the night before the big battle, the knights in the first kingdom drink and make merry, partying into the late hours of the night. the knights in the second kingdom aren’t as well off, but have their own supply of grog and also drink late into the night.

in the third camp, the faithful squire gets a rope and slings it over the branch of a tall tree, making a noose, and hangs a pot from it. he fills the pot with stew and has a humble dinner with the old knight.

the next morning, the knights in the first two kingdoms are hung over and unable to fight, while the knight in the third kingdom is old and weary, unable to get up. in place of the knights, the squires from all three kingdoms go and fight. the battle lasts long into the night, but by the time the dust settled, only one squire was left standing - the squire from the third kingdom.

and it just goes to show you that the squire of the high pot and noose is equal to the sum of the squires of the other two sides

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sirmonkey95
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2015
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I worked at a summer camp once. My dad dropped me off on cultural day.

I was bringing in a baked good that those who share my religious faith eat on special occasions. This was also the summer when the song "Hollaback Girl" was popular. As I'm leaving the car, my dad tells me, "If nobody eats the bread, make sure you don't bring it back, because then you'd be a Challah-back Boy."

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2013
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Got my friend with a good one.

So last night I was at the movies with a few friends, seeing the Jungle Book. At one point during the movie, my friend Faith got up to get a refill on her popcorn and drink. When she got back, she complained to me that she tripped on the stairs and spilled her popcorn that she just had refilled. I looked her in the eye and said, "I guess you could say you Faith-planted".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FLIGHTxWookie
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2016
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Laying in bed...

...and my wife was in the other room. I came up with a joke.

"Why couldn't the blind dyslexic man get around anymore?"

"He lost faith in his dog"

I could feel her rolling her eyes from two rooms away.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/irishexpatriate
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2014
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We were discussing national parks.

"I think we should change the name of 'old faithful' to 'old geezer'"

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2013
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