Did you hear the one about the secret agent that was captured behind enemy lines with a sheepdog as part of his disguise?

When he was put to death, his captors ground him up and baked him in the oven covered in gravy and mashed potatoes.

When questioned as to why such a cruel and unusual punishment was administered, they stated that this was the only way to correctly execute a shepherd spy.

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2020
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Why do kids these days love the song My Own Worst Enemy?

It’s Lit.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/spenpenn
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2020
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TIL there was once a nation whose Navy could only attack when the enemy was behind them.

It was Aftcannonstan.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/7stringGriffle
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2020
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What do the English yell before peeing on thier enemies?

Urine trouble!!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/danspud69
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2020
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How did the Samurai defeat the enemy General?

He hit him with "Ja-Pan"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Trainsylvania
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2020
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Did you ever hear about the knight that always had enemies nearby?

He was Ser Rounded

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HairyStylist
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2019
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I ran into my enemy named cactus the other day

What a prick

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lZombieChaserl
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2020
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Why did the warrior cut off the feet of his enemies?

They were defeated.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Aureperi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2019
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Are you the enemy of my enemy?

Asking for a friend.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2019
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Did you ever hear the name of the famous knight known to cut off the tips of his enemies penises?

Sir Cumcision

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PumpkinnKinng
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2019
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Plz halp, I need as many vegetable puns as possible ASAP, the epic vegetable pun battle of the century is now being waged and I am quickly running out of ammo while the enemy shows no signs of retreat
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GoofyGoober1999
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2018
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What did the mom potato say when she found out her baby potatoes were working for the enemy?

Traitor tots!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CryptoReaper5
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2019
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What is Herbie the lovebugs natural enemy?

Herbivore...

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2019
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The first rule of world domination is to always capitalize on your enemies mistakes

ON YOUR ENEMIES MISTAKES

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πŸ‘€︎ u/buckeyespud
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2018
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They were losing the battle, until they started chucking the tops of kitchen cupboards at the enemy.

It was a counter attack.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Peteman22
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2019
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Do you know who are the Klingons natural enemies?

The Teflons.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Joakkov
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2018
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I saw my enemy in the supermarket, so I threw a bunch of "Thank You" cards at him. It turns out one of the cards hit him so hard that he died in hospital.

I was always told that you should kill them with kindness.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2019
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What did commander broccoli say to Sargent potato when he discovered that he was leaking information to the enemy?

You TAITOR!!!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Yup_Pup
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2018
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What did pirate say to his son when he burned the enemy ship with Greek fire?

Arrrrrr, son

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OJT6627
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2018
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My arch enemy pointed at my T-shirt which read "Never forget WW2" and said "I bet you're so stupid you don't even know what the second W stands for".

I stared dead at them, pointed, and said "This means War!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jbitel
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2018
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When I found out what the enemy had done to our artillery I was mortified.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jlw2001
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2016
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In America, drug is the enemy. In Russia, drug is your friend.

Explanation: the Russian word Π΄Ρ€ΡƒΠ³ (drug, pronounced drook or droog) means male friend.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NerdWampa
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2018
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What is an aging magician's best friend onstage and greatest enemy in the bedroom?

Misdirection

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Evilmd
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2018
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TIL that when the ancient Assyrians captured an enemy, they cut his legs off at the ankles.

They made sure he was defeeted.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hitokirizac
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2018
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So I'm playing DotA when four enemies go into the mid lane and my teammate calls out "four mid"

I replied "Yeah, they're looking pretty fourmidable."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Clbull
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2018
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What's the caterpillar's worst enemy? (Saw this on another subreddit)

A dogerpillar.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/teekayohh
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2013
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