My friend claims the he accidentally glued himself to his autobiography, but I don’t believe him.

But that’s his story, and he’s sticking to it.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2021
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All my friends claim that I’m the cheapest person that they have ever met.

I’m not buying it.

πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2019
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I keep sending my information to the bank but they claim it’s too crooked to read.

They need to get their fax straight.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2020
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I've always found the claim that rapping to dance music isn't rap music...

... to be hip-hop-critical

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Naitraen
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2020
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This guy claims he didn't steal one of the keys from my keyboard, but I don't know...

He seems a bit shifty.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2019
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"Doctor I have a patient on the line that claims he's invisible"

"Tell him I can't see him right now."

πŸ‘︎ 67
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChaDaBeast
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2018
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I like to claim that the Greek Orthodox secretly run the world through its financial networks…For some reason people are ok with that, try putting a different religion in there and suddenly you’re a conspiracy theorist and hate criminal

Those Catholics are real sensitive sometimes

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Irv-Elephant
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2019
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A mexican magician claims he will disappear on the count of three.

"Uno, dos.." and poof! He disappears without a tres

πŸ‘︎ 233
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RedditsAdvocate
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2017
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I can’t claim to know why they green lit the new Sonic movie

But I’m guessing they were hopped up on speed

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Supadude51
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2019
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Despite what the Federal Government claims, there are actually only two Food Groups:
  1. Foods I will eat.
  2. Foods I won't eat.
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/slowshot
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2018
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So the morgue nearby claims to have the best facilities to take care of corpses after they're dead...

They must be right, as everybody is dying to get there.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ZSSDistortion
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2016
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My dad has a twin, but he claims they aren't the same age...

When he turned 20, his twin turned twenty too!

πŸ‘︎ 57
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πŸ‘€︎ u/N_is_for_NUTELLA
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2015
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I just dad joked the waiter at Claim Jumpers

So after a nice meal at the restaurant with my family, the waiter promptly begins to box all the leftovers. After he is finished he asks if we would like a bag for all of our boxes. I look at him and say "no, but I would like a box for my bag." Groans were heard across the table

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jacobmetter
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2015
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All my friends claim that I’m the cheapest person they have ever met.

I’m not buying it.

πŸ‘︎ 313
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2019
🚨︎ report
My friends claim I'm the cheapest person they ever met

I'm not buying it

πŸ‘︎ 301
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Trtlman
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2019
🚨︎ report
My friends all claim that I’m the cheapest person they ever met.

I’m not buying it.

πŸ‘︎ 145
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife claims that I’m the cheapest person she has ever met.

I’m not buying it.

πŸ‘︎ 377
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2018
🚨︎ report
My friends claim I’m the cheapest person they have ever met.

I’m not buying it.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2019
🚨︎ report

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