Scientists discovered a new species of arctic bears, most easily identified by their fastidious teeth-cleaning activities

They're called Molar Bears

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ‘€︎ u/drageuth2
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2014
🚨︎ report
How did dinosaurs clean their teeth?

With flossils.

πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ‘€︎ u/demonicplanet
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the werewolf eat after getting his teeth cleaned?

The dentist.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ‘€︎ u/GoodChadAndUgly
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do vampires clean their teeth three times a day?

To prevent bat breath.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ‘€︎ u/D3V1L420
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2020
🚨︎ report
What do kids in Russia say as they clean their teeth?

Brussia brussia brussia brussia

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ‘€︎ u/Skwirler
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Where does Obama get his teeth cleaned? The prese-dental place #michaelporiginal
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ‘€︎ u/figgerer
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2019
🚨︎ report
I was worried my dentist wouldn’t clean my teeth properly.

Every wall in his his office was covered in plaque.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ‘€︎ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2019
🚨︎ report
What does a marching band use to keep their teeth clean?

A tuba toothpaste.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ‘€︎ u/C0ntrol_Group
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2018
🚨︎ report
What do museum curators use to clean a dinosaur skeleton's teeth?


πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ‘€︎ u/Eleventhearlofmar
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2018
🚨︎ report
What was the first thing the monster ate after getting his teeth cleaned?

The dentist.

πŸ‘︎ 38
πŸ‘€︎ u/marriedwithkids96
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2018
🚨︎ report
My dad's reaction to whenever the time is 2:30 or anywhere near 2:30 for the last 24 years I've known him...

"Uhp! Time to go to the dentist."

πŸ‘︎ 50
πŸ‘€︎ u/doodiewizard
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2013
🚨︎ report
Puns for Kids

The funniest and shortest puns for kids, you always remember while teaching children puns, try to choose the short ones because they are easy for them to remember and register.

Puns for Kids

Why are teddy bears never hungry? They are always stuffed!

What do you get when you cross a snake and a pie? A pie-thon!

Where do polar bears vote? The North Poll.

What did the judge say when the skunk walked into the court room? Odor in the court!

Two silkworms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

Why are fish so smart? Because they live in schools.

The streets in the capital of Afghanistan are paved with Kabulstones.

How does a lion greet the other animals in the field? Pleased to eat you.

What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn? An egg roll!

No matter how much you push the envelope, it will still be stationery.

Why did the turkey cross the road? To prove he wasn’t chicken!

What musical is about a train conductor? β€œMy Fare, Lady”.

A man drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.

What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.

What animals are on legal documents? Seals!

Why did the lion spit out the clown? Because he tasted funny!

Why did the bumble bee leave the house? It heard the school was having a spelling bee.

Being struck by lightning is really a shocking experience!

How do celebrities stay cool? They have many fans!

Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze!

Dockyard: A physician’s garden.

What did the angry mother say to the boiling pot of spaghetti? Simmer down!

The lights were too bright at the Chinese restaurant so the manager decided to dim sum.

β€œWhat’s purple and 5000 miles long?” β€œOoh! I know! The Grape Wall of China!”

Every calendar’s days are numbered.

This duck walks into a bar and orders a beer. β€œFour bucks,” says the bartender. β€œPut it on my bill.”

I used to be twins. My mother has a picture of me when I was two.

What sound do porcupines make when they kiss? Ouch!

When does a well-dressed lion look like a weed? When he’s a dandelion (dandy lion).

Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a-salted.

A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ‘€︎ u/Punsville
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2017
🚨︎ report
[Long] a brush with death

Credit to u/echonight . This is a cross post from r/askreddit

There are two identical twin brothers that live together. One happens to be a well-respected dentist, and the other can't seem to keep a job. Instead of actively looking for work, he likes to sit around at home. One Saturday, the dentist is hungry, and puts his brother on the spot. He tells him to get off his lazy behind and go get them some food. After some protest, the lazy brother takes the car and leaves for the store. In the meantime, the dentist takes a nap on his day off. He turns off his phone so he won't be interrupted.

About 30 minutes later, the lazy brother gets into a head-on collision in the intersection by the grocery store. His vital signs are fading; he's unconscious and barely moving. An ambulance picks him up and rushes him to the hospital. He ends up in the Emergency Room under observation, but his condition is critical. They try calling his dentist brother, but he doesn't pick up because his phone is off.

The dentist wakes to a knock on the door. Suspecting a solicitor, he ignores it, but the knocking continues. Eventually, he resolves to get up and yell at the person at the door. When he does, he reveals--- the grim reaper. He is just as he appears in movies; a full skeleton underneath a tattered cloak.

The grim reaper swears. "Oh no! This always happens with identical twins".

"What do you mean?" asks the dentist.

"Well... if you must know, your brother was in a critical car accident, and I've come to take him to the underworld. I'm afraid his time on Earth has ended. I'll take my leave now."

The dentist is noticeably upset. He says "Wait! Isn't there some way I can challenge you for my brother's life? After all, YOU made the mistake. Certainly there must be a way I can bargain for his life."

The grim reaper asks "What do you have in mind?"

The dentist thinks. "How about a challenge? If I beat you, you let my brother go free."

The grim reaper laughs. "I will beat you in any challenge. What challenge do you propose?"

The dentist smiles. "I propose we see who has the cleanest teeth. 5 minute of brushing each, then we decide."

"Very well" says the grim reaper, who makes his way to the bathroom.

Once there, he pulls back his tattered cloak to reveal his skull. It's glistening. He takes a toothbrush from the bathroom, loads it with toothpaste, and brushes. After 5 minutes, the shiniest teeth anyone has ever seen glisten and make the room bright. The grim reaper gr

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ‘€︎ u/spartan-44
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2017
🚨︎ report
I may be in my 20s and single but today I cracked a pretty good dad joke

Im helping clean out an old garage that's been filled with random storage for a couple decades. For the last 10ish years it's had a mouse problem.

A couple weeks ago I set out traps and none of us have had time to be there since. Came back today and three of the four had caught mice. Pretty happy with that.

I chucked out the carcasses and when I went to reset the traps I got a bit of a surprise and my comment drew my friend over.

"What's up?" he asks.

"Look at this," I reply, showing him the traps. "After the first three mice got caught another one came along, opened the lid, and ate the rest of the peanut butter. And then look at this! He stuck his nose into the fourth and are just enough of it not to trigger the trap!" Holding up the trap and showing the teeth marks in the peanut butter.

"That's...disturbing," he replies, "why'd you bait it with peanut butter though? Wouldn't fruit be better?"

"Well, I looked it up online, * and three out of four mice say it's to die for."


Until the * I genuinely intended to say why. But it was too good to pass up.

Also, anyone have a cat I can borrow?

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ‘€︎ u/darth_henning
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2017
🚨︎ report
FWD: Fwd: FWD FWD: Fwd: Emails from Dad


The International Rules of Manhood

1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:

(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.

(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.

(c) After wrecking your boss' car.

(d) When she is using her teeth.

3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.

4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.

6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice.

8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.

11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's free.

12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.

13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.

16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.

19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.

20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ‘€︎ u/CampConcentration
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2014
🚨︎ report
My wife dad joked me.

I said to my wife. I wonder if an electric toothbrush would really clean my teeth better than a manual.

She said "I don't know, who's Emanuel?"

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ‘€︎ u/jimillett
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2016
🚨︎ report
Why do wizards clean their teeth three times a day?

To prevent bat breath!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Why do wizards clean their teeth three times a day?

To prevent bat breath!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2019
🚨︎ report
What's the first thing a monster eats after he gets teeth cleaned?

The dentist.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ‘€︎ u/AikmanOhEight
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2017
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.