I was in a taxi the other day.

The driver said β€œI love my job, no one tells me what to do”

I said β€œTurn left.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jammidodgajames
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2020
🚨︎ report
The Egyptian government has asked Cairo’s taxi drivers to drive around and sound their horns in the hope that familiar sounds will help calm the residents following the pandemic.

Operation Toot And Calm β€˜Em will last a week.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/vbloke
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2020
🚨︎ report
I just paid Β£25 for a 3 mile taxi ride to a launderette...

I feel like I’ve been taken to the cleaners!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ilovegingerhair18
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2020
🚨︎ report
What's worse than raining cats and dogs ?

Hailing taxis.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2020
🚨︎ report
I just got fired from my job as a taxi driver...

Turns out people don’t like it when you go the extra mile for them.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hughdman
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2020
🚨︎ report
A wolf walks into a taxi

the driver asks: "where wolf?"

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πŸ“…︎ May 27 2020
🚨︎ report
This place in Jakarta, Indonesia was a Taxi Pool last week
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cloud68
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2020
🚨︎ report
"Ivanka... I am your father."

-Taxi Vader

πŸ‘︎ 415
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πŸ‘€︎ u/le672
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a fish who can't swim?

A taxi.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wings31
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2020
🚨︎ report
I saw a guy flagging down a taxi van today.

I guess you could say he was Van Halen.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/amp93
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Me: Dad, can you call me a taxi?

Dad: OK......Sorry Taxi, was there something else?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DaintyGhost747
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a taxi made out of vegetables?

A corn on the cab!

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2019
🚨︎ report
As the taxi raced towards the hospital, my wife cried, "The baby's coming! Don't stop the car! I can't make it! DON'T! CAN'T! WON'T!"

"Driver, hurry!" I implored. "Her contractions are getting closer together!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KairuSmairukon
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2019
🚨︎ report
How does a carpenter catch a taxi?

He makes a cabinet.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SadderHoshi
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2019
🚨︎ report
I said I wanted to book a taxi.

"How many of you are there?" he asked.

I said, "I'm the only version of me."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2019
🚨︎ report
What's the first thing a taxi driver said to the wolf?

Where, wolf?

*Auuuu*

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MagnusCreske
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2019
🚨︎ report
When I hailed a taxi, the driver started insulting me.

"What was that for?" I asked, shocked.

To which he replied, "Hey, that's what I do best. I drive people away."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mugsofjoe
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2018
🚨︎ report
There were taxis falling from the sky

It was hailing cabs.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TraditionSmashed
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2019
🚨︎ report
I called a taxi driver today

He didn't pick up

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChosenMate
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2019
🚨︎ report
How do you describe fake taxi in one word

ScrewDriver

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Risheek_Arora
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a taxi service for nerds?

Guber

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Skibum73a
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2019
🚨︎ report
My friend and I both started taxi companies at the same time, but mine lasted longer.

I guess I drove him out of business...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Silent_Ordinary
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2019
🚨︎ report
I thought my airplane joke would really take off

But instead it just crashed and burned

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Henry5705
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2020
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I'm going to start an online taxi firm.

I just need to download the drivers.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hairychris88
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2019
🚨︎ report
When he pulled up outside I told the taxi driver that I left my wallet inside my house.

He sighed and said, "I'm not falling for that one."

I said, "Trust me, it is."

He let me in and five minutes later I heard him honking on the horn, so I looked out the window.

He said, "Stop messing around, will you? Your wallet. You must have found it by now."

I said, "No, I haven't got it."

"Well, why the hell not?"

I said, "This isn't my house."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2019
🚨︎ report
The driver was charged by police for driving taxi under influence of alcohol.

Police said he was intaxicated

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2019
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I took a taxi home from the pub last night.

I bet the driver's livid that he doesn't have a car any more.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2018
🚨︎ report
There was a man on the side of the road throwing bits of ice at taxis that drove by.

A concerned passerby stopped and asked him why he was throwing ice at taxis.

The man replied, "I'm hailing a cab."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WillKay10
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call the guy who's driving a Fake Taxi?

Screwdriver.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shyggar
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2018
🚨︎ report
Mom and her son

A woman and her 12-year-old son were riding in a taxi in Detroit. It was raining and all the prostitutes were standing under awnings.

"Mom," said the boy, "what are all those women doing?"

"They're waiting for their husbands to get off work," she replied.

The taxi driver turns around and says, "Geez lady, why don't you tell him the truth? They're hookers, boy! They have sex with men for money."

The little boy's eyes get wide and he says, "Is that true Mom?"

His mother, glaring hard at the driver, answers, "Yes."

After a few minutes the kid asks, "Mom, if those women have babies, what happens to them?"

She said, "Most of them become taxi drivers."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hayeshilton
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Day Job

A passenger in a taxi tapped the driver on the shoulder to hand him the money.

The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window.

For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, then the driver said,

"Please, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me."

The passenger, who was also frightened, apologized and said he didn't realize that a tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much,to which the driver replied, "I'm sorry, it's really not your fault at all.

Today is my first day driving a cab. I have been driving a hearse for the last 25 year

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hayeshilton
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Son: Dad, is that a steering wheel in your pants?

Dad: Sure is son.. it's driving me nuts!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lil_suge
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2020
🚨︎ report
The local taxi driver had passed away. RIP, buddy.

His funeral will be held on the next road on the left.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2018
🚨︎ report
I drunkenly stumbled into the back of a taxi.

The driver said, "If you are sick on one of my seats I will charge you Β£50."

Thankfully I was sick on three of them.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2018
🚨︎ report
My son said he's famous on Instagram

"Hello famous on Instagram, I'm dad"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/karma-enigma
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the taxi driver quit his job?

He was tired of people talking behind his back

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/danwright32
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2018
🚨︎ report
I was in a taxi today and the driver said, "I love my job. I'm my own boss. Nobody tells me what to do."

Then I said, "Turn left here!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2019
🚨︎ report
I just got fired from my job as a taxi driver.

Turns out people don’t like it when you go the extra mile for them.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hughdman
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2019
🚨︎ report
You know what's worse than raining cats and dogs?

Hailing taxis!

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/onetwopi
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2020
🚨︎ report
What's worse than it raining cats and dogs.

Hailing taxis!

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mattelly2
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2020
🚨︎ report
What's worse than raining cats and dogs?

Hailing taxis

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OminousNamazu
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2020
🚨︎ report
What is worse than raining cats and dogs?

Hailing taxis!

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pmak13
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2020
🚨︎ report

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