"I want a tattoo going down my spine, but I'll let you do anything you want," my son told the tattoo man. The tattoo man agreed to it and ended up tattooing an enormous gun my son's his spine.
Well, I guess that backfired.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Sep 01 2018
Tattoo pun. [My first pun post.]
If I get my face tattooed on my body, I'd get AHEAD of myself.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Jun 09 2019
My dad always said, β Find a girl with an embarrassing tattoo and try to convince her to marry you.β
βShe knows how to make bad decisions and stick by them.β
π︎ 238
π
︎ Mar 26 2021
My wife has the most weird abacus tattoo on her back.
But I can always count on her
π︎ 79
π
︎ Mar 31 2021
I got the word βOuchβ tattooed on the back of my foot yesterday. My dad asked me if it still hurts.
I told him yes, but itβll heel.
π︎ 22
π
︎ Mar 28 2021
Got a new tattoo
My wife was complaining about how i'm not spontanious or creative, unless it involves terrible jokes, so i went out and got a tattoo (my first one). But since im not very creative i had them tattoo a pic of my thermos from work. I went home all excited and showed her my new tattoo! She was really confused about it. She looked at it for awhile and when she went to touch it i yelled at her not to touch the thermos tat. I think she's leaving me now :(
π︎ 18k
π
︎ Nov 09 2020
If you got a tattoo of a thermos..
You could then tell people you have a thermos-tat.
π︎ 19
π
︎ Mar 26 2021
I work as a tattoo artist in a wellness center making very specific designs and everyone get really surprised when I tell them that I'm also a doctor...
Nobody expects the Spa Niche Ink Physician.
π︎ 41
π
︎ Mar 01 2021
maui's tattoos
π︎ 55
π
︎ Feb 14 2021
My wife wonβt let me get a tattoo of a grizzly on each bicep.
She is infringing on my right to bear arms.
π︎ 2k
π
︎ Nov 10 2020
Iβm going to get a tattoo of a bee.
Itβs probably going to sting but it will be worth it. Credit to /u/louseashole
π︎ 14
π
︎ Mar 11 2021
Massive protest spread across Madrid earlier today to protest the nation's Supreme Court ruling that bans tattoos.
Nobody accepts the Spanish ink decision.
π︎ 22
π
︎ Feb 27 2021
See? To prove I'm not boring, I got a tattoo!
Her: oh, cool! What is it?
Me: Its my thermos, from work!
Her: Oh, well um, the line work is really...
Me: Don't touch the thermos-tat!
π︎ 40
π
︎ Feb 19 2021
From my 7yr old daughter: Why was the pig covered in ink?
Because he lived in a pen!
So very proud!
π︎ 12k
π
︎ Feb 06 2021
What did the prostitute tell the tattoo artist?
π︎ 18
π
︎ Feb 05 2021
Men with tattoos used to make people nervous...
Now they make them lattes.
π︎ 14
π
︎ Feb 03 2021
Did you know that all Danish Boy Scouts have to get a tattoo?
π︎ 113
π
︎ Nov 25 2020
Tattoo place wants you to Walken (OC)
π︎ 26
π
︎ Dec 08 2020
A tattoo artist has a guy come in and get a new mark on an expanding list of hash marks. After a few sessions the tattoo artist asks βWhat are you counting?β
And the guy says βhow many tattoos I have nowβ
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jan 19 2021
What do danish people call their tattoos?
π︎ 9
π
︎ Dec 05 2020
So what does everyone think of my new tattoo
π︎ 36
π
︎ Sep 09 2020
People are always amazed by the skilled tattoo artists in Spain
Nobody expects the Spanish ink precision
π︎ 172
π
︎ Sep 12 2020
Discount Dad Joke
I have a coupon tattooed on my arm that I scan every time I buy groceries.
Some people give me dirty looks, but then I redeem myself.
π︎ 1k
π
︎ Feb 18 2021
A drummer got a tattoo of a drum kit on himself
π︎ 11
π
︎ Oct 24 2020
My mathematician friend wants to get a tattoo of Pi on his face.
I said, βThatβs irrational.β
π︎ 9
π
︎ Oct 24 2020
I was going to get a face tattoo but decided to get a neck tattoo instead.
I guess Iβll have to work my way up to it.
π︎ 10
π
︎ Nov 07 2020
I showed my boobs for a free tattoo the other day.
π︎ 19
π
︎ Sep 12 2020
People at our Christmas party were impressed when I showed off my incredibly detailed tattoo, but they didn't believe me when I tell them I got it done in Madrid.
Nobody expected the Spanish ink precision.
π︎ 3k
π
︎ Dec 25 2019
Got my first tattoo today
But it was only temporary.
(I see that image posts aren't allowed in this sub but gosh darn it, I earned this one. I throw myself on your mercy, mods.)
(Edit: Amazing, thank you for the silver, gold, and the platinum reward of Reddit: long self referential chains of bad jokes.)
π︎ 12k
π
︎ Feb 14 2019
I got a new tattoo because I wanted my friends to be able to count on me.
It read: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9
π︎ 3
π
︎ Sep 09 2020
"Do you know what?"
My kids have gotten to saying this a bunch, so now I reply like a dad...
"Oh ya! We went to the same New Year's party once."
"Sure! He makes the best crab dip."
"Big beard? Lousy tipper?"
"The tattoo guy?"
"Biblically."
"Gave him a 5-star Uber review."
"He was the best man at my wedding."
"I think I owe him $20."
"The bouncer at the club!? How do YOU know him?"
"Doesn't he work at the bakery next to PetSmart?"
"I heard he once punched a cop and broke his nose!"
π︎ 10
π
︎ Feb 26 2021
Me: See? To prove I'm not a boring house dad I went and got a tattoo!
Her: Oh, cool! It's.. uh?
Me: (proudly) It's my thermos! From work!
Her: (reaching towards me) Well, uh, the line work is certainly..
Me: (slaps hand away) Don't touch the thermos tat.
π︎ 680
π
︎ Jan 13 2020
I'll never forget when my dad told me, "Find yourself a girl with an embarrassing tattoo and try to convince her to marry you!β A little taken aback, I asked him what he meant. He explained...
βShe knows how to make bad decisions and stick by them!"
π︎ 11
π
︎ Aug 24 2020
Found Martin Griffiths on comic con, he did commissions and drew me a tattoo :D
π︎ 15
π
︎ Jun 03 2020
What do you call it when a woman trades sex for a tattoo?
π︎ 26
π
︎ May 02 2020
My daughter got the letters Y and U tattooed on one buttock and the letters L and G tattooed on the other...
It's one messed up, ugly ass tattoo.
π︎ 11
π
︎ Jun 29 2020
A guy with flame tattoo sleeves walks into a building. Security stops him and says,
There are no firearms allowed in this building.
π︎ 4k
π
︎ Jun 12 2019
I'm bald and im going to get a head tattoo of multiple rabbits
So from a distance it looks like hares
π︎ 498
π
︎ Jan 03 2020
My father recently got a new tattoo
It was of a Thermos flask that he took to work
I was just checking it out closely, just then he said
"Hey, don't touch my Thermos tat"
π︎ 12
π
︎ Jul 02 2020
My dad just got a tattoo of a Thermos on his palm...
Now whenever someone tries to shake his hand he says "Don't you dare touch my thermos tat!"
π︎ 144
π
︎ Dec 26 2019
I got the word βOuchβ tattooed on the back of my foot yesterday. My son asked me if it still hurts.
I told him yes, but itβll heel.
π︎ 21
π
︎ Mar 28 2021
I just got a thermos tattoo
Now I tell everyone, donβt touch my thermos tat.
π︎ 41
π
︎ Aug 31 2020
People always ask where I got my incredibly detailed tattoo done, but they never believe me when I tell them Spain.
Nobody expects the Spanish ink precision.
π︎ 11k
π
︎ May 15 2019
My dad always said, β Find a girl with an embarrassing tattoo and try to convince her to marry you.β
βShe knows how to make bad decisions and stick by them.β
π︎ 18k
π
︎ Apr 03 2019
My dad always told me, βFind a girl with an embarrassing tattoo and try to convince her to marry you.β
She knows how to make a bad decision and still stick with it.
π︎ 47
π
︎ Jul 28 2020
How do you get a free tattoo
By showing your tit.
It's "tit for tat"
π︎ 9
π
︎ Jun 08 2020
People always ask where I got my incredibly detailed tattoo done, but they never believe me when I tell them Spain...
Nobody expects the Spanish ink precision...
π︎ 5k
π
︎ Dec 20 2018
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