I guess you could say I dont practice Santeria.
I am in you, you in me. We are in each other. True love. ❤️
Well, how else are supposed to pay for their drinks?
Now if I can only find the WebMD page...
Can't drink
(spent a while designing that one. Really proud of it)
Speaks into soda tab: "Calling all ducks"
My dad did this and it took me years to understand...
A father walks up to his son and puts a post-it note on the son's shoulder.
Son: "Dad, what are you doing?!" He says as he tries to shimmy it off of his shoulder.
Dad: "Oh, don't worry, I am just keeping tabs on you."
A man walked into a bar with his dog and ordered a few drinks. At the end of the night, when he got the tab, he was astounded at the $50 check. He calls the bar tender over hoping to strike a deal. “Bartender, I only have 20 bucks I can’t pay for this drink. Let’s make a deal, if my dog can talk then you’ll let me have my drinks for free.” The bartender states, “there is no way that damn dog can talk! Pay me the money!” The man in response states, “No no sir, watch. Spots, what kind of situation are you in when you didn’t study for a test?” The dog, “Ruff!” The man carries on the bit, “See bar tender my dog can talk! You’re in a rough situation when you don’t study!” The bartender, “Now boy don’t play with me now, just pay your tab, that dog can’t talk!” “Well here, I’ll prove it to you. Spots, what texture is sandpaper?” “Ruff!” The bartender reaches hand over the counter, almost touching the man, “I won’t ask again sir.” “I have one more, just watch. Spots, who is the best baseball player?” “Ruff!” The bartender, done being fooled with, throws the man in his dog out of the bar, taking all his money. He looks at his dog sadly, “sorry spots, I guess he doesn’t believe you can talk...” The dog looks up, confused, “maybe I should’ve said DiMaggio.”
While the nurse was getting me ready to go, she had to disconnect the wires and take off all tabs. She said there all wires removed. I said “thanks now I am wireless!”
The wife groaned
We’re sitting in the chill out area at work and there’s an old Metallica guitar Tab book near us.
One of the girls says “That book smells like the 90’s”.
A guy laughs and says “What does the 90’s smell like?”
I say “Teen Spirit!”
I lost control.
I wasn't putting in enough shifts.
Now I have to read the trouble shooting section in the manual.
Keyboard manufacturing isn't as easy as you think
A calmer calmer calmer calmer calmer chameleon.
i said i stopped giving a shift.
They put in a lot of shifts.
He had a Tab.
I just looked at her and said "well that's odd."
While standing at the register of a New Orleans Hamburger & Seafood Co, the lady taking our order asked what we would like to drink. My girlfriend responds "I want some barq's!" To which I promptly replied, "woof, woof, WOOF!" 0 laughs or smiles and I could feel the air around me thicken with dad joke cringe. Fuck it, I loved it.
Me: I turned Pandora off, but it is still playing and I would have to completely close all my school work tabs to shut the stupid thing down. Several songs later, and it still won't go away. ):|
Him: You have opened Pandora's Box.
But I have no bass-is for comparison
They'll get key bored and shift to space bartending.
Put it on my tab
They rarely close their tabs.
Yeah, I have like three tabs open.
So a horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks if he wants a beer. The horse goes "neigh." So the bartender kicks him out for wasting space, and on top of it, horsing around. 30 minutes later, a donkey comes in, orders the most expensive drink and a round for the house. When it comes time to pay the tab, the donkey says, "oh, by the way, you kicked out my husband, a horse, earlier," then walks out without paying. The bartender was upset, but knew he'd serve the occasional horse's ass.
I've not been able to keep tabs I feel like I'm losing control I'm stuck N this situation My days are numbered...
Me: checks restaurant tab "So you can get two $6 drinks, but when I get a $2 soda you complain?"
Dad: "It's all relative. When I'm paying for myself it's fine. But when I pay for my relatives it's not."
Dad sees someone drinking a can of soda pop. He points to the tab on the top and says, "ever seen one of those used as a duck call?"
Invariably they'll say "no."
He'll pull the top off, slightly bend it several times, each time blowing a practice puff through it, and then put it to his mouth and yell....
...."HERRRRRRRE DUCKY DUCKY DUCKY!!!!!"
The bartender says "Make sure to pay your tab before you split".
Wedding rehearsal dinner this past Friday. Father-of-the-groom is picking up the tab and the check arrives.
Father-of-the-bride: Hope you've got a good Visa!
Father-of-the-groom: Nope. I'm in the country illegally.
All dads in attendance laugh boisterously. Groom laughs while bride wonders what the hell she's gotten herself into.
When the tab came they pooled their money to pay.
The Duck had a bill
The Frog had a greenback.
The deer had a buck.
The Skunk had a scent.
Then the giraffe said,"Don't worry boys, the High Balls are on me."
I was drinking in an Irish pub on St. Patrick's Day a few years ago when the building suffered a malfunction. The register cover of the air conditioning vent was not secured to the wall and worked its way loose, hitting me and a friend. I ended up with a cut on my forehead, a spiffy blue bandaid from the kitchen first aid kit, and a comped bar tab.
My dad told me I should have duct.
I guess I wasn't putting in enough shifts
I wasn't putting in enough shifts
