Dad: Easy! Next time, just tell your teacher I Donβt Give Two Shits.
Me: Yeah, but only up to a point
She said I couldnβt..... but i can.
They really dropped the ball on that one.
I thought that was pretty radical.
The odds were against me.
Nice belt
But Iβm 2^2 to say it
Because you're supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day.
Because he said he had him cornered.
The damage is expected to be 50 square blocks.
Because he was 2 squared
No, cornbread are squared. Pie is round!
Yeah, It turns out that the animals weren't getting a square meal.
Three square meals a day.
Newf boy comes home from school. "Hey, Pop."
"What'ya learn in school, Bay?" asks the father.
"I learned that pi r squared."
[father slaps kid] "Pie are not square. Pie are round. Cake are square."
You pour it into a square cup.
A root of squares.
MC Squared
Youβre a speed square.
Cause he ate 3 squared meals a day
That being said, the guy is pretty square.
A pun-nett square
They drank their root beer out of square cups!
Times Square!
In America you can buy a square foot of bricks for around $8.50. There are 7 bricks in a square foot, meaning you are buying each brick for about a $1.21. Today one dollar is 0.75 pounds, so $1.21 is about 0.92 pounds, meaning for a full pound you can buy 1.087 bricks for about a pound. Each brick weighs 5 pounds, which means 1.087 bricks weighs 5.435 pounds. Now on the other hand you many buy 48 feathers for one dollar in America , considering that one dollar is 0.75 ponds, you could buy 64 feathers. with one pound. Each feather weighs around 0.0003 ounces, which multiplied by 64 is 0.0192 ounces , which is 0.0012 pounds. 5.435> 0.0012. There you have it a pound of bricks weighs more than a pound if feathers .
"you should be *squared*."
We donβt square roots here, we juice oranges. Get back to work!
It gives them square roots
Square meals
Protractor: measures 90 degrees Protractor General: SQUARE UP!!
Because they can find the 'square' root
A square dance
A square root
He said a square word
Because he is 2 square.
Because he was 2 squared!
He has square feet.
Square roots
It grew square roots
I'm such a square.
We know that 6 was afraid of 7 since 7 ate 9 but why did 7 eat 9 in the first place. Because it wanted 3 square meals a day.
Over 3 square sentimentals.
Me trying to sound intelligent: " Well, China is 3.7 million square miles. "
A clown walks into the police department looking for a job. The officer wants to ask him a few questions.
Officer: Whatβs 2+2?
Clown: (counts on his fingers) β¦ 4!
Officer: Good.Β Whatβs the square root of 100?
Clown: (thinking fiercely) β¦ 10!
Officer: Very good! Now, who killed Abraham Lincoln?
Clown: Ummmm β¦ I donβt know.
Officer: Well, you can go home and think about it. Come back tomorrow.
The clown goes home and calls up one of his friends, who asks him if he got the job. The clown says, excitedly, βNot only did I get the job, IβΒΒm already working on a murder case!β
Source: http://bestcleanfunnyjokes.com/who-killed-abraham-lincoln/
He was such a square.
Beaver or be square
Two clowns were watching the late evening news. The current news story was about a man up on a ledge and threatening to jump. The station then cut to a commercial.
The first clown said, βI bet you $20 heβs going to jump.β
The second clown repliedΒ βOkay, itβs a bet!β
(Back to newscast.) The man jumped.
The second clown, being a good sport, pulled out a twenty dollar bill and handed it to the other clown. βOkay. Hereβs my $20.β
However, the first clown refused, saying βNo, I canβt take it.β
The second clown replied, βI insist. I lost the bet fair and square.β
The first clown said, βI have a confession to make. I saw the same thing on the 6:00 news and knew he jumped. So it wasnβt really a fair bet.β
But the second clown replied, βI know. I saw the same newscast. But I didnβt think he would be stupid enough to jump twice!β
http://bestcleanfunnyjokes.com/betting-on-the-man-jumping-off-a-ledge/
Bartender comes over to get our drinks, we're both interested in hydrating to start off with and we order waters.
Bartender asks if we want ice water or just water.
We both say we'd like ice in our water.
So then I say, "well, you could say it's ice water squared."
My buddy then lowers his head and says, "Bro, they come cubed..."
They square up
The legislature was worried that that the cows weren't getting a square meal
The livestock canβt get a square meal!
Because heβs two squared!
She goes on and on about why she is not irrational. I should have asked a Square Root.
Because it was 2 squared
I said, 'Sure.'
She sighed.
'I saw you and your ex studying Pythagoras' theorem in the library.'
'Oh, you did?' I asked.
She paused. 'So, how do you explain that?'
'Easily,' I replied. 'It's when the square on the hypotenuse of a right-angled triangle is equal to the sum of the squares on the other two sides.'
its hip to be square
There was two farms next to each other, separated by a long fence. The two farmers were called nick and Barry. They were both very resourceful farmers, using each and every square inch of land to grow on. Both would tend to their crops twice a day every single day, and became friends. However, both farmers were penny pinchers, and would often try and take a few extra crops from the other side of the fence, which lead to arguments. One day, Barry came out to tend his crops, but nick did not appear once. This continued for several days. Both sets of crops continued to grow, along and up the fence, eventually intertwining. Both farmers were growing wheat. After around 5 days, Barry came out and to his delight, saw nick tending to his harvest. However, this delight soon changed to frustration as he saw nick taking extra crops from his side. "Where have you been, and what do you think you're doing?" He exclaimed. "I'm taking in my wheat, and I haven't been out for a few days due to illness. I've been feeling queasy and dizzy when I stand up, with a throbbing pain in my head each time. But it's ok, they're only headaches." "Oh I don't think so mister" said Barry.
"Those are my grains!"
Energy = My Coffee squared
The trees had square roots.
Square!
My Little Sister: No! What happened?!
Dad: Dont worry, he woke up.
My Little Sister: ROLLS EYES
Me: Hahahahahaha! Nice.
My Little Sister: Omg! Is this funny?
Dad: No, THIS IS PATRICK! (We all really love SpongeBob SquarePants)
I GET UP TO GIVE MY DAD A HIGH FIVE AND HIS PHONE RINGS AS SOON AS I GET UP. IT'S MY MOM CALLING HIM FROM THE KITCHEN
Mom: Hi, I was wondering if I had the right number. Is this funny?
Dad: No! THIS IS PATRICK!
My Little Sister: Really?! You too Mom?!
Mom: No, I'm 49 sweetie.
My Little Sister: Nevermind! I'm watching, "Black Mirror," in my room by myself.
Dad: Sweetie, African American, don't just call them Black. That's not nice.
My Little Sister: ............. I hate you all.
-
I know this isn't necessarily a,"Dad Joke." It's more of a conversation my Dad and Little Sister had. But it was seriously one of the funniest moments I've ever seen.
-
I really love my family. Lol
Would Cuba then be called "Squar-a"?
Because they got them square roots.
Because everyone needs at least 3 square meals a day.
Newton replies, "No, you found Newton over a square meter. You've found Pascal!"
...until you multiply yourself by the speed of light squared
is walking in St. Petersburg Square one cold evening, when a light precipitation begins to fall.
"It looks like rain", said the man.
"Oh no dear, it's definitely snow. Look at the way it blows in the light", said the woman.
The man turns to his wife and says, "Let's ask the military officer over there. Officer Rudolph, is it raining or snowing?"
"Definitely rain, sir!"
"See, Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear!"
Son, I fourgive you.
Because you're supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day.
It heard you were supposed to have three squared meals a day.
Because he is 2 square.
Because you are supposed to eat 3 square meals a day
Because he is 2 square.
Because youβre supposed to eat three squares meals a day.
It appears cows aren't getting a square meal.
It grew square roots
Cows weren't getting a square meal.
Because you're supposed to have 3 squared meals a day
Because youβre supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day..
Because you are supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day
Itβs because the cows werenβt getting a square meal.
Because you're supposed to eat 3 square meals a day...
It grew square roots!
Because you have to eat 3 squared meals a day.
Because youβre supposed to eat 3 square meals a day.
Because it gives them square roots.
7 wanted to have 3 squared meals a day.
Because you need three squared meals a day
