I don't know why people expect Time's Square to put on a decent New Year's Eve show.

They're always dropping the ball.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Elnateo
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
🚨︎ report
If someone mails you a square can of meat, DON'T open it!

It's Spam.

πŸ‘︎ 258
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IamREBELoe
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do people say β€œbe there or be square?” Probably because you won’t be β€œa round”
πŸ‘︎ 38
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πŸ‘€︎ u/phantommop
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2018
🚨︎ report
Did you see they made round bails of hay illegal in Wisconsin? It’s because the cows weren’t getting a square meal.
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ruchi565
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2019
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Son: Math sucks so much. My teacher wants me to find the square root of I Don’t Give a Crap.

Dad: Easy! Next time, just tell your teacher I Don’t Give Two Shits.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2019
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Son: Aren’t the pyramids really just squares?

Me: Yeah, but only up to a point

πŸ‘︎ 37
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thetinggoskrraa
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife said β€œYou can’t change the square-root of a negative.”

She said I couldn’t..... but i can.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/doesitring
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2019
🚨︎ report
I hear there aren't enough bathrooms for the NYE celebration in Time Square.

They really dropped the ball on that one.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thepobv
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2018
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My geometry teacher said we don't have to simplify square routes in his class.

I thought that was pretty radical.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CrazyLogix
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2018
🚨︎ report
Why won’t triangles go on dates with circles?

They’re pointless.

πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Calm_Fan_381
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2020
🚨︎ report
C'mon, don't be squared.
πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/norviiiin
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2019
🚨︎ report
6 was afraid of 7 because 7-8-9, but why did 7 eat 9?

Because you are supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day

πŸ‘︎ 114
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MemeLord12457
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2021
🚨︎ report
Math puns!
πŸ‘︎ 7k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2020
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Why was 4 afraid to ask out 5?

Because he was 2 squared.

πŸ‘︎ 881
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πŸ‘€︎ u/YeezyClaps
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2021
🚨︎ report
You know, out West they're started to ban those big round bales of hay you see in that field over there..

.... The cows aren't getting three square meals a day.

(Also, to those who tell dad jokes at every opportunity, I really appreciate you. As a person who grew up without the joy of a pops embarrassing me with terrible jokes, I was always bewildered by the stereotype. Recently though, I've been taking a microeconomics course I was dreading having to take and my professor has "big econ dad" energy. There's a joke every few minutes in his lectures and they give me the energy to keep going. You are appreciated. Even if your kids, spouse, partner, friends, strangers groan at you, undoubtedly someone out there really appreciates your goofiness).

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/plantborb
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2021
🚨︎ report
In a world where people with superpowers make up 1% of the world population, people with two make up 1% of that 1%. These people born with two superhuman abilities are called squares.

Squares are raised to a second power.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Guru9224
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2021
🚨︎ report
I was attacked by 1, 3, 5, 7 and 9.

The odds were against me.

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/netflix_dweller
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2020
🚨︎ report
I have a math joke

But I’m 2^2 to say it

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Spacemann7
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Make two rectangles out of a diamond using one line

This was a problem on my step sons homework. No matter what, he couldn't seem to grasp it. So, I grabbed some post-it notes, turned it to a diamond and said "this is a diamond correct?" he says yes. I then turn the post-it notes a few degrees and say "this is a square correct?" And he instantly got what he had to do. I then threw out this, grade "A" knee slapper of a line "Diamonds are just crooked squares, you can't trust'em".

I think I'm gonna put on my jorts and tube socks now.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bigbore_729
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2021
🚨︎ report
Ο€ r Β²

Ο€ r Β² ? Pie are not square! Pie are round-cornbread are square.

I got this joke from my dad.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SlickHeadSinger
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2021
🚨︎ report
Number wars, a dad joke story.

6 couldn't believe it. 7 had finally gone off the deep end. 7 had long offended 6. A repeat 6 offender if you will. But this was unforgivable. 9 was his best friend. How could he do this to his best friend? How could it be that 7 ate 9?

6, filled with fury, called his friends 2 and 4. They would get even. 10 was the best friend of 7 you see. 2, 4 and 6 ate 10 to get even. They then began plotting further revenge, but 7 acted first. He gathered 1, 3 and 5 together to take down 6.

Realizing that the odds were against them, 2, 4 and 6 retreated. Their only option was to turn to 12 who had twice the resources 6 had. 7 couldn't follow.

12 quickly called 3 to find out what the root of 7's attack on 9. 3 wasn't sure. He had only supported 7 because of a long standing friendship. But 3 promised to get to the root cause.

Meanwhile, 7's scheming was not yet done. 12 was powerful, but there was one who could reverse his decision to harbor 6. If he could just convince 21, nicknamed blackjack, to reverse 12's decision, it would all be over.

Three times 7 went to 21's compound. On the third try he was able to get through. After explaining that 6 had masterminded the elimination of 10, a grand meeting of the numbers was called.

Both 6 and 7 argued over the whole thing. 13 had the unlucky task of adjudicating the meeting. Each time 13 made an argument, 6 and 7 would add to it by shouting over each other.

Finally, 21 had had enough. "7, why did you eat 9"

7 responded "I just wanted to get 3 square meals." 21 had 7 eliminated for initiating the battle and 6 jailed for masterminding 10's death. And the war was over.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Calthropstu
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2021
🚨︎ report
Why was the Rubik's cube so popular?

Because it's hip to be square.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2021
🚨︎ report
What did the 0 say to the 8?

Nice belt

πŸ‘︎ 681
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πŸ‘€︎ u/killerheath04
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2020
🚨︎ report
I ordered a beer and the bartender said "Sorry, I only have root beer."

So I had him put it in a square glass.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kdlaz
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2021
🚨︎ report
What happens when 2 triangles fight?

They square off.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2021
🚨︎ report
You know what a fight between Cloud Strife and Hero is Smash is called...

A square off!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2021
🚨︎ report
What foot dont they make shoes for?

A square foot.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/titaniumhud
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2021
🚨︎ report
How did the circle know the square had nothing on him?

Because he said he had him cornered.

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/saltyquill
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2020
🚨︎ report
A small meteorite is reportedly headed for Legoland

The damage is expected to be 50 square blocks.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2020
🚨︎ report
What did Huey Lewis say when he visited his chiropractor?

I need my hip to be square.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Omelet_Oneill
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Where can you practice multiplication tables on New Year's Eve?

Times Square.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
🚨︎ report
The O.Henry Pun-Off is back β€œON!” - Tongues of puns linger
  • Like all cherished things in this covid-crazy world, the O.Henry Museum’s famous free, family friendly celebration of the wit-in-word will take place virtually in cyberspace this year. With an awesome live cast of lively wits and tortured tongues, the online audience will be treated to all the linguistic twists, dramatic turns, and surprise endings they’ve groan to love. Expect to witness wacky word butchers and voracious verbivores from around the globe, all worming their way into your ears. Tongues of tradition, tension and camaraderie make this the premier event for the world's competitive wordplay community
  • Brought to you this year by the City of Austin, Brush Square Museums Foundation, and co- sponsored by Austin's very own Fantastic Magic Camp, as well as the internationally renowned podcast, Pun Intensive, The O. Henry Museum Pun-Off World Championships Punslingers Competition: Online Edition will commence Saturday, November 21, 2020
  • Preliminary live rounds begin Saturday, November 21, 2020, at 11:00am CST, lasting about 2 hours. Later that evening, live competition resumes at 7:00pm CST with head-to-head prime time heats. - See Pun-Off.com for schedule details, links, and more.

[Austin, TX, November 1, 2020] - Although traditionally held outdoors on a single day in the spring, the first portion 2020 the O. Henry Museum Pun-Off competition known as Punniest of Show was conducted via video in October. Now on Saturday, November 21, 2020, PARD will bring you their most popular second segment, O. Henry Museum Pun-Off World Championships Punslingers Competition: Online Edition

This free, fun, and family friendly event will take place online this year, but with special twists, turns, and surprise modifications to make it the perfect 2020 event for the world's competitive wordplay community.

The O. Henry Museum Pun-Off World Championships have been an Austin institution for 43 years. As usual, the contest will feature a cavalcade of word-class wordsmiths from across the globe, all worming their way into your art. Join and enjoy us as they compete to spontaneously spit out the most absurd words you’ve ever heard.

The event will be live streamed at PunIntensive.com.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bpcombs
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
🚨︎ report
A good realtor is always equipped with a video camera.

It's how they get the square footage.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CyberOGa3
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Why are Wendy's burgers healthy?

It's a square meal

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WEsellFAKEdoors
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do 16-trees and 25-trees grow rectangular?

They have square roots.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/onetwopi
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2020
🚨︎ report
I would tell you a math joke

But I don’t want to square you

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kurdonthego
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2020
🚨︎ report
What's the hardest foot to buy a shoe for?

A square foot

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheNefelivata
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2020
🚨︎ report
There’s a new drug going around that is nicknamed β€œangle”. My friends want to try it with me, but I took a D.A.R.E. course and don’t want to do drugs, so my friends make fun of me.

I guess I’m just too square to try angle.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PopTarnekPop
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2020
🚨︎ report
β€œDad, I don’t know the square root of sixteen.”

Son, I fourgive you.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2018
🚨︎ report
We all know that 6 is scared of 7 because 7 8 9 but why did 7 eat 9?

Because you need 3 squared meals per day

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2021
🚨︎ report
Why did 7 eat 9?

Because you are supposed to eat 3 square meals a day.

πŸ‘︎ 41
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2021
🚨︎ report
6 was scared of 7 because 7,8,9 but why did 7 eat 9?

Because you're supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cyclopropagative
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2020
🚨︎ report
6 was scared of 7 because 7,8,9 but why did 7 eat 9?

Because you are supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day.

πŸ‘︎ 187
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mari_kitsuro
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
🚨︎ report
We all know that 7 ate 9, but why did 7 eat 9?

His doctor told him to get three square meals a day.

πŸ‘︎ 145
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jfshay
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Why didn’t 4 ask out 5?

Cause he was 2 squared

πŸ‘︎ 102
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Scottspears89
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did 7 eat 9?

Because the doctor told him to eat 3 square meals a day.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/original_ritard
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2020
🚨︎ report
6 was afraid of 7 because 7 8 9. But why did 7 eat 9?

It heard you were supposed to have three squared meals a day.

πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mathiasthewise
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2019
🚨︎ report

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