Ibuprofane
...it does more than meats the eye.
Asteroids.
I guess selfish shellfish sell swell fish.
Microwaves
And brain aneurysm is a ruptured blood vessel. It sweeps up and bursts. So, it would be swell, as in a swelling. And it would be swell as in terrific & welcomed.
The doctor said it was a knee jerk reaction
It's swell, actually...
Hey fam... My grandpa passed away yesterday and as I’ve been reflecting on old memories I vaguely remembered this old joke he used to tell me. I was hoping maybe someone in this community could help. I don’t remember much about it other than that it was about a suit that didn’t fit and the person in the joke had to keep getting it tailored. And maybe it was just the way my grandpa told the joke, but he’d always make this really theatrical voice and yell “hey! what did you do to my new suit?!” If anyone can help a grieving girl out that would be swell. :)
Her face went red and her cheeks swelled up making her look just like a tomato.
After the nurse and my wife finished talking about her reaction, I just couldn’t help but blurt our “well, you are what you eat”
My wife eye rolled, the nurse just looked at me with a deadpan face and said “well done” and walked off.
Me: "So, what do you want to do for dinner?"
Him: "Eat, lol. You?"
They get my seal of approval.
I have heard pretty swell
Because their really good at it.
"Just swell!"
I broke my nose in a really stupid horse-related accident in Montana.
Dad takes me to the local walk-in clinic. It's mostly empty, as it's around 7pm. As we're giving the insurance information and whatnot to the receptionist, Dad is busy doing that thing where he's texting without his cheaters so he's having to squint and hold the phone away and he's really not paying attention to some question the receptionist is asking...
So I whack him on the arm (with a towel held to my face) and say "Dad, pay attention."
Unblinking, he turns in my direction, without even looking directly at me, he mutters "Shut up, or I'll hit you again."
The receptionist was not pleased. He told the same joke to the doctor who stitched me up, and he laughed his ass off.
Actually, dad cracked so many jokes that the doctor kept having to pause while stitching up my nose. He took so long that the anesthetic wore off and I could definitely feel the last few stitches.
Dr: "Now sir, the stitches are going to cause your daughter's nose to swell quite a bit." Dad: "EVEN BIGGER!? That's amazing!"
Me: "Shut up Dad". Dad: (pinching his nose, speaking nasally) "Shut up Dad".
Unamused 18 year old daughter.
It would be swell
I hope it stays afloat.
Did you hear about the guy who got sting by bees all over his body?
Don't, worry, he's actually feeling pretty swell
OK... so did you ever notice how every time you spend 4 days alone in the woods and you make it out without a scratch or even a mosquito bite, and you're feeling all peaceful and relaxed and at one with the universe, you're not home 20 minutes and unloading the back of your truck when you slam your right shin into the trailer hitch... and amid the flashing white stars around you, your fists clench, your teeth grit, your body tenses and every "mean, nasty and ugly" word you ever read, heard, uttered or even imagined ("Wait... is #*&%#@!!! even a word??? Oh what the heck? It works!") goes tearing through your brain.... and eventually it passes and you keep working, surprised you're not even limping and it doesn't hurt more than it does... and almost an hour later, when you're finished and getting undressed to take your first hot shower in days, you see a lump on your shin the size of Rhode Island... and the first image that pops into your head is John Merrick yelling "I AM NOT AN ANIMAL!!!... in fact, it literally looks like a second knee on your right leg... so you spend the rest of the evening keeping it elevated and icing it on and off, alternating between a blue gel pack and a bag of frozen peas.... and when you go to bed, you keep the gel pack on while you read and then take it off before you go to sleep... and then you wake up around 3AM and decide to check your shin and the swelling has gone down quite a bit... but since you still have several hours before you get up, you decide to ice it again... but the gel pack on the floor is no longer cold so you get up, walk to the kitchen and open the fridge... and after taking a bite of leftover pizza from last night (because... well, you're here and what the heck?), you go into the freezer, grab the bag of frozen peas and take them back to bed with you... but they're all frozen into one big solid ball and well, that won't do... so you lay the bag on the bed to pound it once or twice to break them up, but instead the bag bursts open and suddenly there are frozen peas sprayed all over the bed and rolling onto the floor... and all those words from yesterday come rushing back into your head as you kneel to gather them all up... but suddenly your anger completely vanishes and you can't help laughing to yourself as you think, "gee, I can't remember the last time I pea'd the bed in the middle of the night"???
Dad: Don't be sad, he lived a pretty swell life didn't he?
Sister: (in tears) shutup dad you're not funny
Dad: You just don't have a sense of tumor do you?
Took a while before my sister calmed down after that, while my dad laughed his ass off.
Well gee, you should be feeling swell in a couple days.
Swell thanks
All I could think was oh, swell.
... I got a really swell prostate
We flipped on the TV the other night and happened to come across a documentary on the mating ritual of the grouse. As the males danced on the lek, majestically splaying their feathers and swelling their neck sacs, my wife looked at me and said:
My wife: "Are you as turned on as I am?"
Me: "Absolutely. You could consider me highly agroused."
Oh, how I bathed in the cringe-worthy look on her face. Huzzah!
I was shopping with one of my friends who had just gotten knee surgery the day before and her entire leg was swollen from the operation. We met up with my girlfriend and she asked my friend how her leg was.
I beat my friend to answering and replied "just swell".
Judging by the reaction I guess it was too soon but I did get a laugh from a woman working at the store!
I have a stye on my eye, so when I was walking down the stairs this morning, I had a hot washcloth on my eye to keep the swelling down. My step dad was getting ready for work, and he was looking at me.
Me: "Stye"
Him: "No I think it's a washcloth."
I ask my sister how her pregnancy is going. My dad interrupts, "Swell!"
You're swell!
