Surrounded by his son, his twin daughters and a haggard-looking nurse who looked about ready to end it all if only she could find the bloody switch, he was finally breathing his last.
His son, who loved him dearly and wasn't at all sure if he had been cut out of the will or not, burst into tears at the plight of a man who would look more at home in a red woolly outfit than he ever could in drab, white linen.
"I do not wish to die today, Anthony", he intoned fixing his gaze slightly above his son's left shoulder, "there is something you must do to save me."
"Tell me what to do dad, I can't bear to look at you this way", cried Anthony.
"There is a land, not far from here, where no one ever dies. It is not for dying you see. That is where I must go."
"Where is this place father? Tell me, and I shall take you to it."
"Take me there now", he said faintly as if in great pain, "Take me to, The Living Room."
My coworker/good friend of mine works out in the field performing these surveys and for the latest airport job he said to me that this airport is basically dead and that there's hardly anyone there consistently working in the office, monitoring the radio, etc.
So I asked him, "then what does someone do if they're out flying and want to land there... [start jabbing him with my elbow] just WING it??"
I should be ashamed but I'm still laughing at myself. No I am not a dad (technically).
......make up 75% of the world's population.
According to a recent survey, 8 out of 10 people agree that they make up 80% of the population.
I guess I am Eh-sexual.
They always seem to keep a skeleton in their closet
So my question was: What do you know about dwarves?
Son: Don't trust it, it's probably a scam.
Dad: I don't buy it.
It found 6 out of 7 dwarves aren't Happy.
"What do you know about dwarfs?" She asked.
"Very little." I replied.
It’s the first Indie movie.
...they were asking people to write a couple of their favorite smells on a scrap of paper and put it in a box.
I didn't really have a strong opinion, but I did put my two scents in.
The results are staggering.
Apparently it’s very rare.
She ticks all the boxes
30 percent said their ass was too small
10 percent said their ass was too big
And 60 percent said he was just right
That's the most stupidest thing that I've ever heard.
The other 50% don't know grammer and speling.
German Dad: "Nein."
https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSc5GCRPiUXFzxgaJi5xIoDxiJ6LOJOvcyJ3bWXxXgJBWsWCOw/viewform?usp=sf_link
We're poller opposites.
I responded, "Sorry ma'am, I only wear boxers."
after a long sigh "Very well sir.. have a good day."
They're all so apolling
and the remaining 10% are liars.
and he just stands there, surveying the assemblage as the room goes quiet. And suddenly he yells, "All you dirty bastards, GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!"
And the crowd rushing the exists raises a cloud of dust, obscuring vision. When it settled, the gunslinger notices one little wizened old man tucked in a corner beside the piano. The gunslinger walks over, his spurs making a small jingling sound. He stands in front of the still-seated old man. "WELL?," he demands.
The old man looks up earnestly into the gunslinger's face, "Sure was a lot of 'em, wasn't ther?".
He said he wood.
Hello, I'm a student and I’m building something related to sharing jokes. As part of my project, I need to survey potential users of the product.
Can I have permission to ask for help with my homework here? (I wasn't sure if this would be breaking the rules)
http://i.imgur.com/NljG8fo.png
-Hey dad, how much paper you use each day?
Around 3 rolls a day.
It was a real Family Feud
Today I received a call from so weird ass number. "Hello Mr. Humblestudmuffin, we would like to ask you to participate in a brief survey about the current general election."
"Oh, I only wear boxers. Have a good night!"
click
I think they meant Eh-sexual.
She asked me what i knew about dwarfs.......I said "very little."
...6 out of 7 dwarves aren't happy
I think they meant Eh-sexual.
make up 75% of the population.
