As a child, I was supposed to walk the plank
We couldn't afford a dog.
My date was supposed meet me at the gym but they didn't show up.
That's when I knew we weren't going to work out.
If Queen Elizabeth farts during dinner, all the other guests are supposed to pretend as if nothing happened.
Noble gases have no reaction.
Wife: Suppose you hit a jackpot of a Million dollars in a lottery and the same day, someone kidnaps me and demands ransom of a million , what will you do?
Husband: I doubt if I can hit two jackpots in one day.
My psychiatrist says I have an unhealthy obsession with revenge.
Does anyone know why you are supposed to capitalize On A Bad Situation?
I thought Tiger Woods was supposed to be good at driving...
Apparently the COVID vaccine causes constipation
When I got mine the other day they told me I had to wait 3 weeks to get number 2.
I'm not supposed to eat anything too suite.
If we're not supposed to eat at night...
Why do they put a light in a fridge?
Eyelashes are supposed to keep things from getting into your eyes, but when I do have something in my eye it's almost always an eyelash...
We all have a submarine in our heads but we're not supposed to think about it. It's all sub-conscious.
My wife asked me if I thought the kids were spoiled
I said "no, I think they're supposed to smell like that."
I was really embarrassed when my wife caught me playing with my son’s train set by myself. In a moment of panic, I threw a bedsheet over it.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
I was supposed to park on the east side of the lot...
...but I occidentally parked on the west
The Guillotine was supposed to be ahead of its time
It had cutting edge technology
I have no idea what to get now...am I supposed to get both?
TIL the Pentagon was supposed to be the Octagon.
But the contractor kept cutting corners.
Are you supposed to pull over for a funeral procession?
Of corpse, please come to a dead stop.
A priest, A Baptist minister, and a rabbit go into a red cross to donate blood. The nurse asks "What is your blood type"?
The rabbit says "I think I'm a type O"
You know how when you find a Genie's lamp, you're supposed to rub it?
Does that mean when you find a Frog's lamp, you Ribbit?
What's the fastest way to move cattle from one field to another?
How are you supposed to keep Canadian bacon from curling?
You just need to take away their little brooms!
The first computer dates back to Adam and Eve.
It was an Apple with limited memory; just one byte. Then, everything crashed.
Everyone knows 7 8 9 but why did 7 ate 9?
Because you are supposed to have 3² meals a day.
Joke from my great uncle: You know that movie "Constipation" that was supposed to come out this year?
I’m driving through England, and am supposed to stay in Greenwich for a day or two.
Not too sure what to do in the Mean Time.
You know your supposed to knock on the refrigerator door before you open it
Cuz there might be a salad dressing
A sales guy tried to sell me on a new preparation to wash my hair with, which supposedly contains the excrements of some very special rainforest animal or whatever.
I just released my own fragrance.
Nobody in the car seemed to like it.
Tried some viagra in the bedroom with my wife but it got stuck in my throat
I've had a stiff neck for a week
I was supposed to go to a salt n pepa concert next week
Unfortunately, due to the coronavirus they had to push it
The swordfish has no natural predators to fear...
....except the penfish, which is supposed to be even mightier.
I saw a man giving away dead batteries the other day...
I suppose you could say they were free of charge.
My wife bought all these dog toys, but Scooter here isn’t quite sure what he’s supposed to do.
Aww man. Did you hear that Johnson and Johnson messed up the their vaccine?
Well at least they took a stab at it.
Couldn’t figure out when sunrise was supposed to be this morning
Luckily it finally dawned on me.
🤦🏻♂️
Got a big 12 pound brisket on the grill today, and several more dad jokes in the chamber.
Doin dad stuff.
My wife got really mad at me for stabbing a vampire to death today
I guess I was supposed to give them candy because it’s “Halloween”
6 was afraid of 7 because 7-8-9, but why did 7 eat 9?
Because you are supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day
Pun needed
Hey guys! I am getitng a puppy in a few months and her name is supposed to be Zoe. However since she is pure golden retriever because of some laws her full name has to to be “Give me your ‘name’” and I want it to be some kind of pun containing the word “Zoe” since that what she’s gonna be called like Zoedorable but something that matches the sentence and I though that maybe you guys can help.
I suppose Bart is really a simp's son
If Queen Elizabeth farts during dinner, the other guests are supposed to pretend like nothing happened.
Noble gases have no reaction.
I am driving through England on a road trip, and I’m supposed to be in Greenwich tomorrow.
Not too sure what to do in the Mean Time.
I was supposed to go to a salt an pepa concert last week
Unfortunately, due to lockdown, they had to push it
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