Irritable Bowel Syndrome implies the existence of other bowel syndromes, such as:

Cheery Bowel Syndrome

Angry Bowel Syndrome

Naive Bowel Syndrome (right before you have Taco Bell)

The list is endless and frightening

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KungFuThor
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
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The existence of Visigoths implies the existence of a much more dangerous tribe...

the Invisigoths

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Scriptman777
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2020
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FIRST DATE: Her dad: "I want her home before midnight."

Me: "But you already own her home."

Dad: -turning to daughter- "If you don't sleep with him, I will."

Credit to u/psybermonkey15

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jomjimmerjome
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2020
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The existence of the Kia Forte...

Implies the existence of the much quieter Kia Piano.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JonnySwo
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2020
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Two chinese Christians are having a contest to see who can contact God the fastest. After one wins, the other looks at him and says

"Well prayed"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JCokeDaKilla
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2019
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My dad made his first dad joke in a long time

For context: we have a vegetable garden and a dog named Max

During dinner, my mom remarked how her stir fry was made almost entirely out of vegetables from our garden except the eggs, to which my dad said β€œwell then we’ll just have to raise some chickens.”

I reply, β€œwell what about Max?”, implying that he might attack the chickens.

And without hesitation my dad replies, β€œwell he can’t lay eggs”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Asian_dodo
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2020
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Trying to make a pun with the title
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Awsaf_
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2020
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Why do the British leave out the β€˜t’ in β€˜bottle’?

The tea’s implied

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πŸ‘€︎ u/InFinnity1203
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2020
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Why is 6 afraid of 7? (The answer is not what you are thinking)

Not what you are thinking.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/coot32
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2018
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there's literally three sets of twins in my math class.

guess this year is gonna be their year- its twinny twinny after all.

*twinny twinny sounds like twenty twenty (2020)*

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πŸ‘€︎ u/downtothechateau
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2019
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I went into the local library and asked if they had any books on the Titanic...

"Oh yes, quite a few." the librarian said.

"Sorry to hear that!" I said laughing. "They'll all be ruined by now!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2017
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Is it the position of the full stop or going to prison is better than marriage?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/star72846
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2019
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My three favorite things are eating my kids and not using commas.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/coot32
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2018
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I dared to ask my wife why she’s buying a giant tub of Whiteout.

Big mistake.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2019
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After graduating from high school, my daughter moved away from home to study at university. She sent this letter home to me…

Dear Dad,

University i$ really great.

I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard.

With all my $tuff, I $imply Β’an't think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.

Love, your $usie.

I immediately replied back…

Dear Susie,

I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy.

Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.

Love, Dad

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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2019
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Entertainment puns

I have two favorite titles that are extremely clever puns.

β€œShawn the Sheep” β€œDexter”

β€œShawn the Sheep” is a sly play on the dialect of the characters in the animation. β€œShawn” and β€œshorn” have the same pronunciation in the dialect of the outskirts of Bristol, UK.

β€œDexter” is a wonderful Latin pun. β€œDexter” is the word for β€œright” and β€œSinister” is the implied compliment, the word for β€œleft” in Latin. Dexter is a series about a serial killer who only murders those guilty of crimes. His name in Latin implies he is the opposite of sinister, right or just.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/serendipindy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2019
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What sentence starts with W and ends with e

That is correct.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NotSoFr0sty
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2018
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My dad on showers.

Me: I'm gonna take a shower and get dressed.

Dad: why don't you just use the shower, every time you take it I have to get a new one.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheVoiceOfRiesen
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2013
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What did the dad say to his long haired son?

Dad: You should have gotten a haricut a long time ago... Son: But dad, I did get a haircut a long time ago!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VikzeLink
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2015
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I found a hole in my wall that I didn't know existed

Me: I never knew that hole was there My Dad: where did you think it was?

I then proceeded to laugh way too much

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Stefano9
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2016
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How do you know a person is old?

When they remember the dead sea as just being a little sick.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/iiPixel
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2014
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Dadjoked twice in 2 minutes.

My mum doesn't like that I'm drawing and designing tattoos for people, so my dad just goes

"She's worried you'll get drawn into it all."

Then the next minute he just spouts "A Farmer got a nobel prize, he was outstanding in his field."

It's only 8 in the morning..

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Oysterchild
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2014
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I think dads automatically gain access to a dadjoke reservoir the moment they become dads...

My aunt recently had a baby, and she was telling us about the experience the other day at a family get-together. How beautiful her little girl is, how amazing the experience was, yadda yadda. Then she told us about my uncle's reaction, which she was less than thrilled about.

When my uncle saw his daughter for the first time after my aunt had just labored for hours, he said:

"Damn, it's 2013, you'd think they'd have started making these things cordless by now."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CloudyWithRain
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2013
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Got dad joked at work

Me announcing to others about getting the plan we've been working on rolling: "... I'll write an email..."

My boss: "You write emails? I always typed them"

other co-workers: nodding, nods, faces of agreement

me: groan

cheers of laughter ensued.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/aufleur
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2014
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How does a logician explain why long lines form at the restroom after a movie?

If a lot of people have to urinate, a long line will tend to form. A lot of people do have to urinate after a movie, and thus there is a long restroom line. Put a bit more formally:
Pee implies queue. Pee, therefore queue.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PaperSpock
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2019
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[MOD POST] Hunting for an additional moderator. Read and apply within.

EDIT: I am now closing applications and will make a decision in the next day or so. Thank you to everybody who applied - the general enthusiasm and support is wonderful to see.

( as this is a self post, I receive no karma - however I would appreciate it if you upvoted purely for visibility <3 )

Hey everybody,

The /r/dadjokes community is now over 85,000 subscribers strong. That's pretty great. Pretty super great.

Thus far, over the entire existence of this sub, I have been the only mod. Quietly watching, taking your feedback, removing a post here, approving another there - doing my best not to interfere too much. I'm going to be honest, it hasn't been that hard.

You lot are generally a pretty nice bunch, give or take a few of the more vocal lunatics. There isn't usually a lot of work to be done, or issues that need resolving.

That said, I'm not awake all the time. I can't lurk on Reddit all the time. I don't have all-seeing eyes.

So it's about time I gave another pair of eyes moderator status and entrusted those eyes with a duty of care.

Let's get down to the chase; here's what I'm looking for in an additional mod:

  • You live in a very different timezone to Syd, AU - GMT+10
  • You have a good sense of humour
  • You're not in this purely to grow your 'net rep
  • You're interested in being fair, and maintaining fairness
  • You maintain civility in yourself and your responses at all times
  • You have a bit of time every day to go through reports, spam, and post comments
  • You understand that your moderatorship will initially be a trial, and can be revoked at any time if you aren't being magical and rad
  • Some general CSS/subreddit formatting knowledge wouldn't go astray, but is not required

Here's what I am not looking for:

  • Strong, cemented opinions about what constitutes a dad joke and what doesn't - everybody's dad and humour is different
  • An overzealous post remover - I am not looking for an enforcer, the title moderator implies moderation
  • A(nother) dictator - it is my preference that this subreddit be gently guided, and not forcibly ruled, we let the community find itself and we listen to what they say

If you wish to apply for the title and duty of being a moderator to /r/dadjokes, simply state your case (why you should be selected, what benefits or experience you bring, etc) in a comment reply to this thread. I will then get in touch with the most worthy seeming applicants. Upvotes and downvites will not be taken int

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tali3sin
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2013
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I walked right into this one...

Put a post on Facebook for my mom, but dad struck first.....

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rethenut
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2016
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All objects

Have their own methods of doing things.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/chasewhatmatters
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2012
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Dad hit me with this one when I came home the other night.

Walked in through the back door, heard my dad was still up watching Netflix so I went to say hello.

Dad: "Why didn't I hear you come in!?"

Me: "Uh, cause you're basically deaf and the tv is turned up all the way?"

Dad: "Could it be because you're wearing....sneakers?"

If I hadn't had actual things to discuss with him I would've rolled my eyes and walked away. Instead he got my obnoxiously fake laugh I created just for dad jokes like this.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rawr_Ima_Dinosaur
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2015
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What kind of paper likes music?

Rapping paper

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πŸ‘€︎ u/prevedpreved
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2016
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[Request] Need puntastic suggestions related to flail!

Hi punterific people!

I'm a YouTuber that loves puns and use puns regularly in my videos when I play games. I'm having some new graphics donr for my channel and I want to change my 'saying' to reflect the punny part of... Well.. Me :)

The new art depicts my avatar (Game kNight) weilding a shield and a flail - and I want the saying to reflect something in that regard. I persistently play games to win (as if anyone did otherwise) and don't like failing (like most other gamers?);

Thoughts up until now: Flailure is not an option - for me! (but for the enemies I face is implied) Flailing is an option (because facing me will get you flailed) I will not flail you!

Hope you can help me out!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shadewarp
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2017
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The open road is a beautiful place for dad jokes.

Yesterday, my girlfriend and I were driving home from a vacation we had taken on a ranch. About an hour into the trip, silence had taken over the trip until this gem of an opportunity presented itself:

Driving along, I notice a dead deer on the side of the road. Me, "Hmmm." Girlfriend, "What?" Me, "Nothing. Just... That deer." Girlfriend, "What about it?" Me, "That's just such an odd place for a deer to take a nap."

I'm pretty sure even the dead deer groaned at that one. Great success.

Edit- Grammar. Whoops.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jpotts5
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2014
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Got her...

My gf was obsessing over these batman pajamas when she said...

"OMG I want these so bad, i think i might just have to sell my body for them." (obviously implying prostitution)

"But then what would you put them on?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CrativeDomo
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2013
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I recently remembered this bomb my dad dropped a few months ago

It was a few weeks before Christmas and my grandma was about to leave Grandma: So when is Christmas this year(implying day of the week) Dad: December 25th Everyone:confused silence and groans

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dfretyhg
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2014
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Another teacher joke, though he was probably a dad too.

A friend of mine had a teacher in high school that, like many others, would write notes on the overhead or the whiteboard and, like many others, would end up standing in in the way of the text sooner or later.

If a student would ask "Mr. ____, can you move?" implying that they need him to move out of the way of their view of the text, he'd reply "Yes, I can!" and jump up and down in place, flailing his arms.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ZenKeys88
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2013
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After graduating from high school, my daughter moved away from home to study at university. She sent this letter home to me…

Dear dad,

University i$ really great.

I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard.

With all my $tuff, I $imply Β’an't think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.

Love, your $usie.

I immediately replied back…

Dear Susie,

I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy.

Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.

Love,

dad

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2017
🚨︎ report
After graduating from high school, my daughter moved away from home to study at university. She sent this letter home to me…

Dear dad,

University i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply Β’an't think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.

Love, your $usie

I immediately replied back…

Dear Susie,

I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.

Love, dad

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2019
🚨︎ report

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