Imply Puns

Cheery Bowel Syndrome

Angry Bowel Syndrome

Naive Bowel Syndrome (right before you have Taco Bell)

The list is endless and frightening

the Invisigoths

Me: "But you already own her home."

Dad: -turning to daughter- "If you don't sleep with him, I will."

Credit to u/psybermonkey15

Implies the existence of the much quieter Kia Piano.

"Well prayed"

For context: we have a vegetable garden and a dog named Max

During dinner, my mom remarked how her stir fry was made almost entirely out of vegetables from our garden except the eggs, to which my dad said “well then we’ll just have to raise some chickens.”

I reply, “well what about Max?”, implying that he might attack the chickens.

And without hesitation my dad replies, “well he can’t lay eggs”

The tea’s implied

Not what you are thinking.

guess this year is gonna be their year- its twinny twinny after all.

*twinny twinny sounds like twenty twenty (2020)*

"Oh yes, quite a few." the librarian said.

"Sorry to hear that!" I said laughing. "They'll all be ruined by now!"

Big mistake.

Dear Dad,

University i$ really great.

I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard.

With all my $tuff, I $imply ¢an't think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.

Love, your $usie.

I immediately replied back…

Dear Susie,

I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy.

Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.

Love, Dad

I have two favorite titles that are extremely clever puns.

“Shawn the Sheep” “Dexter”

“Shawn the Sheep” is a sly play on the dialect of the characters in the animation. “Shawn” and “shorn” have the same pronunciation in the dialect of the outskirts of Bristol, UK.

“Dexter” is a wonderful Latin pun. “Dexter” is the word for “right” and “Sinister” is the implied compliment, the word for “left” in Latin. Dexter is a series about a serial killer who only murders those guilty of crimes. His name in Latin implies he is the opposite of sinister, right or just.

That is correct.

Me: I'm gonna take a shower and get dressed.

Dad: why don't you just use the shower, every time you take it I have to get a new one.

Dad: You should have gotten a haricut a long time ago... Son: But dad, I did get a haircut a long time ago!

Me: I never knew that hole was there My Dad: where did you think it was?

I then proceeded to laugh way too much

When they remember the dead sea as just being a little sick.

My mum doesn't like that I'm drawing and designing tattoos for people, so my dad just goes

"She's worried you'll get drawn into it all."

Then the next minute he just spouts "A Farmer got a nobel prize, he was outstanding in his field."

It's only 8 in the morning..

My aunt recently had a baby, and she was telling us about the experience the other day at a family get-together. How beautiful her little girl is, how amazing the experience was, yadda yadda. Then she told us about my uncle's reaction, which she was less than thrilled about.

When my uncle saw his daughter for the first time after my aunt had just labored for hours, he said:

"Damn, it's 2013, you'd think they'd have started making these things cordless by now."

Me announcing to others about getting the plan we've been working on rolling: "... I'll write an email..."

My boss: "You write emails? I always typed them"

other co-workers: nodding, nods, faces of agreement

me: groan

cheers of laughter ensued.

If a lot of people have to urinate, a long line will tend to form. A lot of people do have to urinate after a movie, and thus there is a long restroom line. Put a bit more formally:
Pee implies queue. Pee, therefore queue.

EDIT: I am now closing applications and will make a decision in the next day or so. Thank you to everybody who applied - the general enthusiasm and support is wonderful to see.

( as this is a self post, I receive no karma - however I would appreciate it if you upvoted purely for visibility <3 )

Hey everybody,

The /r/dadjokes community is now over 85,000 subscribers strong. That's pretty great. Pretty super great.

Thus far, over the entire existence of this sub, I have been the only mod. Quietly watching, taking your feedback, removing a post here, approving another there - doing my best not to interfere too much. I'm going to be honest, it hasn't been that hard.

You lot are generally a pretty nice bunch, give or take a few of the more vocal lunatics. There isn't usually a lot of work to be done, or issues that need resolving.

That said, I'm not awake all the time. I can't lurk on Reddit all the time. I don't have all-seeing eyes.

So it's about time I gave another pair of eyes moderator status and entrusted those eyes with a duty of care.

Let's get down to the chase; here's what I'm looking for in an additional mod:

• You live in a very different timezone to Syd, AU - GMT+10
• You have a good sense of humour
• You're not in this purely to grow your 'net rep
• You're interested in being fair, and maintaining fairness
• You maintain civility in yourself and your responses at all times
• You have a bit of time every day to go through reports, spam, and post comments
• You understand that your moderatorship will initially be a trial, and can be revoked at any time if you aren't being magical and rad
• Some general CSS/subreddit formatting knowledge wouldn't go astray, but is not required

Here's what I am not looking for:

• Strong, cemented opinions about what constitutes a dad joke and what doesn't - everybody's dad and humour is different
• An overzealous post remover - I am not looking for an enforcer, the title moderator implies moderation
• A(nother) dictator - it is my preference that this subreddit be gently guided, and not forcibly ruled, we let the community find itself and we listen to what they say

If you wish to apply for the title and duty of being a moderator to /r/dadjokes, simply state your case (why you should be selected, what benefits or experience you bring, etc) in a comment reply to this thread. I will then get in touch with the most worthy seeming applicants. Upvotes and downvites will not be taken int

Put a post on Facebook for my mom, but dad struck first.....

Have their own methods of doing things.

Walked in through the back door, heard my dad was still up watching Netflix so I went to say hello.

Dad: "Why didn't I hear you come in!?"

Me: "Uh, cause you're basically deaf and the tv is turned up all the way?"

Dad: "Could it be because you're wearing....sneakers?"

If I hadn't had actual things to discuss with him I would've rolled my eyes and walked away. Instead he got my obnoxiously fake laugh I created just for dad jokes like this.

Rapping paper

Hi punterific people!

I'm a YouTuber that loves puns and use puns regularly in my videos when I play games. I'm having some new graphics donr for my channel and I want to change my 'saying' to reflect the punny part of... Well.. Me :)

The new art depicts my avatar (Game kNight) weilding a shield and a flail - and I want the saying to reflect something in that regard. I persistently play games to win (as if anyone did otherwise) and don't like failing (like most other gamers?);

Thoughts up until now: Flailure is not an option - for me! (but for the enemies I face is implied) Flailing is an option (because facing me will get you flailed) I will not flail you!

Hope you can help me out!

Yesterday, my girlfriend and I were driving home from a vacation we had taken on a ranch. About an hour into the trip, silence had taken over the trip until this gem of an opportunity presented itself:

Driving along, I notice a dead deer on the side of the road. Me, "Hmmm." Girlfriend, "What?" Me, "Nothing. Just... That deer." Girlfriend, "What about it?" Me, "That's just such an odd place for a deer to take a nap."

I'm pretty sure even the dead deer groaned at that one. Great success.

Edit- Grammar. Whoops.

My gf was obsessing over these batman pajamas when she said...

"OMG I want these so bad, i think i might just have to sell my body for them." (obviously implying prostitution)

"But then what would you put them on?"

It was a few weeks before Christmas and my grandma was about to leave Grandma: So when is Christmas this year(implying day of the week) Dad: December 25th Everyone:confused silence and groans

A friend of mine had a teacher in high school that, like many others, would write notes on the overhead or the whiteboard and, like many others, would end up standing in in the way of the text sooner or later.

If a student would ask "Mr. ____, can you move?" implying that they need him to move out of the way of their view of the text, he'd reply "Yes, I can!" and jump up and down in place, flailing his arms.

Dear dad,

University i$ really great.

I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard.

With all my $tuff, I $imply ¢an't think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.

Love, your $usie.

I immediately replied back…

Dear Susie,

I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy.

Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.

Love,

dad

Dear dad,

University i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply ¢an't think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.

Love, your $usie

I immediately replied back…

Dear Susie,

I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.

Love, dad