A sales guy tried to sell me on a new preparation to wash my hair with, which supposedly contains the excrements of some very special rainforest animal or whatever.
Since vampires are supposedly hurt by holy water, I always wondered why priests don’t just say a prayer over every storm cloud, kill the vampires from above. Then I realized why there are so many vampires from Europe...
Someone already blessed the rains down in Africa.
TIL the reason santa supposedly enters through the chimney is because that's traditionally how you were supposed to bring the christmas tree inside.
They decided to change it though because it was a pine in the ash
I booked a ticket on a plane that supposedly travels back in time.
My dad made this one up. Supposedly.
Some backstory: My mother is 100% swedish, which is awesome, but my dad can't help but make fun of her for being a swedish farm girl that grew up in Minnesota (They met in NorCal, where I was born and raised).
He ALWAYS tells this one. My mom tends to roll her eyes and punch him in the shoulder.
DAD: Hey, guess how many pallbearers there are at a Swedish funeral.
ME: sigh How many?
DAD: Two. You know why?
ME: Why?
DAD: Well, there's only two handles on a trash can.
He proceeds to chuckle for 2+ minutes.
My date was supposed meet me at the gym but they didn't show up.
That's when I knew we weren't going to work out.
If Queen Elizabeth farts during dinner, the other guests are supposed to pretend like nothing happened.
Noble gases have no reaction.
Does anyone know why you are supposed to capitalize On A Bad Situation?
I thought Tiger Woods was supposed to be good at driving...
Apparently the COVID vaccine causes constipation
When I got mine the other day they told me I had to wait 3 weeks to get number 2.
I'm not supposed to eat anything too suite.
If we're not supposed to eat at night...
Why do they put a light in a fridge?
I was really embarrassed when my wife caught me playing with my son’s train set by myself. In a moment of panic, I threw a bedsheet over it.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
Eyelashes are supposed to keep things from getting into your eyes, but when I do have something in my eye it's almost always an eyelash...
We all have a submarine in our heads but we're not supposed to think about it. It's all sub-conscious.
A priest, A Baptist minister, and a rabbit go into a red cross to donate blood. The nurse asks "What is your blood type"?
The rabbit says "I think I'm a type O"
The Guillotine was supposed to be ahead of its time
It had cutting edge technology
I was supposed to park on the east side of the lot...
...but I occidentally parked on the west
You know how when you find a Genie's lamp, you're supposed to rub it?
Does that mean when you find a Frog's lamp, you Ribbit?
Are you supposed to pull over for a funeral procession?
Of corpse, please come to a dead stop.
I have no idea what to get now...am I supposed to get both?
How are you supposed to keep Canadian bacon from curling?
You just need to take away their little brooms!
The first computer dates back to Adam and Eve.
It was an Apple with limited memory; just one byte. Then, everything crashed.
Joke from my great uncle: You know that movie "Constipation" that was supposed to come out this year?
You know your supposed to knock on the refrigerator door before you open it
Cuz there might be a salad dressing
TIL the Pentagon was supposed to be the Octagon.
But the contractor kept cutting corners.
I’m driving through England, and am supposed to stay in Greenwich for a day or two.
Not too sure what to do in the Mean Time.
Aww man. Did you hear that Johnson and Johnson messed up the their vaccine?
Well at least they took a stab at it.
6 was afraid of 7 because 7-8-9, but why did 7 eat 9?
Because you are supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day
I was supposed to go to a salt an pepa concert last week
Unfortunately, due to lockdown, they had to push it
I met a girl on Tinder and we were going to go to the gym on our first date, but she stood me up.
I suppose we aren't gonna work out.
My wife bought all these dog toys, but Scooter here isn’t quite sure what he’s supposed to do.
Why doesn’t Bob Marley have a passcode on his phone?
Couldn’t figure out when sunrise was supposed to be this morning
Luckily it finally dawned on me.
🤦🏻♂️
Got a big 12 pound brisket on the grill today, and several more dad jokes in the chamber.
Doin dad stuff.
I got a job as a concrete pourer a while back
It started off ok but just got harder, I suppose I just got set in my ways!
I suppose Bart is really a simp's son
Those patties made of chickpeas and spices are supposed to be healthy.
But whenever I make them I felafel.
I was supposed to play the trumpet
Back to not going to the gym I suppose.
What rock group has only four members and none of them sing?
I created a joke for my late father
He was supposed to be here 10 minutes ago to hear it tho...
Lethal Weapon 3(-some)
Film Producer: “This is supposed to be a “Buddy Cop” movie, why do they have this steamy sex scene together?”
Director: “Because everyone enjoys cop-porn at the movies!”
If Queen Elizabeth farts during dinner, all the other guests are supposed to pretend as if nothing happened.
Noble gases have no reaction.
I am driving through England on a road trip, and I’m supposed to be in Greenwich tomorrow.
Not too sure what to do in the Mean Time.
I was supposed to go to a salt n pepa concert next week
Unfortunately, due to the coronavirus they had to push it
I met a girl on Tinder and we were going to go to the gym on our first date, but she stood me up.
I suppose we aren't gonna work out.
Why did 7 eat 9?
Because you are supposed to eat 3 square meals a day.
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