Loose Suede Shoes.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/awesome_smokey
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2021
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I’m a big fan of velvet, but I can be suede
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Theezorama
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2019
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Some well considered puns

From an email my cousin sent me:

I wanted to be a monk but I never got the chants.

I was kidnapped by mimes, they did unspeakable things to me.

The finest shoes are made of smooth leather, my opinion will never be suede.

A perfectionist walked into a bar - apparently it wasn't set high enough.

Man injured in bizarre peek-a-boo accident! He's in ICU.

Went to this horrible bar called "The Fiddle" ... it really was a vile inn.

To the thief who stole my glasses, I will find you - I have contacts.

If any of you knows how to fix hinges my door is always open.

Police car loses wheels to thief! Cops are working tirelessly to nab suspect.

Cold? Go stand in the corner, it's 90 degrees.

If your guy doesn't appreciate fresh fruit puns let that mango.

A few puns make me numb but math puns make me number.

My friend was explaining electricity and I was like "Watt"?

Someone threw a jar of mayo at me, I was like "What the hellman?"

Where did the Terminator find toilet paper? Aisle B, back.

Due to the quarantine I'll only be doing inside jokes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Eli_Truax
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2021
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My wife bought me this hideous leather jacket, and somehow convinced me to wear it.

I guess I’m easily suede.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2020
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What do you call evil fabric? Satin
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πŸ‘€︎ u/QwerkyKeyboard
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2020
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I tried to get my wife to accept my apology after saying her skin was like leather

But she's not suede

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cinema_King
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2020
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Well It's 1 for the Money, 2 For the Show, 3 To Get Ready.....

4 For Sales

5 For Customer Service or

6 to hear these options again

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Twigsnapper
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2019
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My wife's handbag is sorely in need of replacement. I offered to get her a new soft leather one, but she declined.

I guess she's not easily purse-sueded.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2019
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The local cobbler realized that canvas was a better material to craft shoes out of

His opinion was suede

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ACoolDude_
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2019
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What do Scandinavian people like to smoke?

Suede.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Overlevendeftw
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2019
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My tailor tried to get me to start wearing soft leather jacketss

But I'm not so easily suede

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2019
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Two coats hung next to eachother at a Burlington coat factory. One said to the other, "Can you beleive I'm 100% polyester?"

The other said, "I could be suede."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GOduOfTheNorth
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2019
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I know my wife is vegan, she doesn't like any human use of animals....

Even her opinions can't be suede.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/virtual_no_body
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2019
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I used to not be the biggest fan of leather shoes...

But my now my opinion has suede.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GraeDaBoss
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2019
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Is leather gullible?

You know, because it can be suede.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nine_legged_stool
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2018
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I find that Scandinavia is a bit weird.

Swedes have been identifying themselves improperly. Shouldn't they be Suedes because of IKEA, and why do they not chair-ish their furniture counterparts? It really boggles me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dr_WickedOreo
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2016
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What do you call a cat in a nice leather jacket?

Purr-suede-ing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shed412
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2014
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My friend dislikes fuzzy leather...

and his opinion cannot be "suede."

...I don't think I actually have a friend who thinks like this

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CronoZero15
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2015
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Got my mom at the furniture store.

My family is shopping for new couches and my mom sits on this expensive suede loveseat, she says."If they have a suede couch on sale them I'm sold." I respond."so what you're saying is, you'd be perSUEDEd to buy it?" no laughs but my own.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sirawesomepants
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2015
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My wife convinced me to wear a hideous leather jacket that she got for me.

I guess I’m easily suede.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2019
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My wife bought me this hideous leather jacket, but I always agree to wear it out.

I’m easily suede.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2018
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My wife got me a hideous leather jacket, but I don’t mind wearing it.

I’m easily suede.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2019
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I hate wearing leather but someone convinced me to do it

I'm easily suede.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GaryTheKnight
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2019
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