From an email my cousin sent me:
I wanted to be a monk but I never got the chants.
I was kidnapped by mimes, they did unspeakable things to me.
The finest shoes are made of smooth leather, my opinion will never be suede.
A perfectionist walked into a bar - apparently it wasn't set high enough.
Man injured in bizarre peek-a-boo accident! He's in ICU.
Went to this horrible bar called "The Fiddle" ... it really was a vile inn.
To the thief who stole my glasses, I will find you - I have contacts.
If any of you knows how to fix hinges my door is always open.
Police car loses wheels to thief! Cops are working tirelessly to nab suspect.
Cold? Go stand in the corner, it's 90 degrees.
If your guy doesn't appreciate fresh fruit puns let that mango.
A few puns make me numb but math puns make me number.
My friend was explaining electricity and I was like "Watt"?
Someone threw a jar of mayo at me, I was like "What the hellman?"
Where did the Terminator find toilet paper? Aisle B, back.
Due to the quarantine I'll only be doing inside jokes.
I guess Iβm easily suede.
But she's not suede
4 For Sales
5 For Customer Service or
6 to hear these options again
I guess she's not easily purse-sueded.
His opinion was suede
Suede.
But I'm not so easily suede
The other said, "I could be suede."
Even her opinions can't be suede.
But my now my opinion has suede.
You know, because it can be suede.
Swedes have been identifying themselves improperly. Shouldn't they be Suedes because of IKEA, and why do they not chair-ish their furniture counterparts? It really boggles me.
Purr-suede-ing.
and his opinion cannot be "suede."
...I don't think I actually have a friend who thinks like this
My family is shopping for new couches and my mom sits on this expensive suede loveseat, she says."If they have a suede couch on sale them I'm sold." I respond."so what you're saying is, you'd be perSUEDEd to buy it?" no laughs but my own.
I guess Iβm easily suede.
Iβm easily suede.
Iβm easily suede.
I'm easily suede.
