That’s as crazy as the discounts at Dave’s Furniture Emporium!
But when I do, I refrain!
SHE WAS LIVID AND SCREAMED WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO WITH TWO DEAD DOGS !
Current status.. single
He was a norankutang.
Pocket Lindts...
Credit: Twitter
“before I start, I would like to check if my mic is working..” “if your name is Michael, please stand up”
then a couple of guys stand up and he goes
“that concludes my mike check”
(I saw this tweet and just had to share it!) Click here for credit
I thought "here we gooooOOOOO"
Now I’m just dating myself
A noun that has lost its amateur status
58
Source: https://twitter.com/mskaybelle/status/1269123905870053376?s=19
Me: "So I finally got my bed up on the frame. Not sleeping on a mattress on the floor anymore."
Dad: "Moving up in the world.....literally."
We were discussing how July 3rd is the Observed Holiday for Independence Day this year.
Co-worker: I just don't get that...
Boss: It's so all of the government workers have a day off... and so mailmen don't go postal
My sister: "Like, why isn't Laguna Beach on Netflix?"
My dad: "Because it's in California."
I went over to my friend's house, as we're planning a weekend of camping in funny clothes, and there’s still some sewing left to do.
Her: Do you know if your mom knows how to sew gussets? Me: I can only GUSSET my mom's skills with sewing.
I laughed, her husband laughed. She and the children groaned.
I'm seeing a lot of lame cheap WWII jokes because of this soccer match. My heart goes out to the people of Brazil. The photos of crying Brazilians in the stands are moving. They clearly did Nazi it coming.
http://imgur.com/vsdyb0v
The B-road starts bragging extensively about his status as a B-road. The bar staff and patrons aren't impressed.
Then, an A-road struts in. The A-road immediately starts criticising the B-road, whilst also bragging about his own status. The two get into a big argument, and the patrons are starting to get riled up.
Then, a motorway barges his way into the bar, and starts boasting that he is better than the A-road and B-road combined. The argument escalates, and some customers grab their belongings, preparing to leave.
And then, a solid white line walks into the bar.
The whole bar falls silent. The argument stops dead in its tracks, and the three roads immediately disperse, avoiding eye contact with the new customer.
The solid white line goes up to the bar, orders a drink, and consumes it slowly. The bar is still silent. As soon as he is finished, the solid white line turns and leaves the bar without a word. The three roads breathe a sigh of relief.
The barman is astounded. "What the hell was that about?!" he exclaims.
"We don't mess with him" mutters the motorway.
"Why not?"
"He's a cycle path".
Status: What ever happened to Corn Pops?
My response: They pick it in fields now. And don't call me pops.
"Some people say I have an odd sense of humor. I Say 'Yep, that's how I droll...'"
Julius Seizure.
Went out. Had a few drinks. Nice guy. He’s a web designer.credits
(Friend's Facebook Status) The Case of the Disappearing Betta Fish....
(My response) Don't worry. I'm sure it'll be found. In fact, I'll put a wager on it. Wanna…
Betta fish?
I now carry a scrap of paper in my back pocket that has the word "Otherwise" written on it.
Last night my mom was telling me how well my daughter did in the nursery at church, i pulled the paper out and firmly stated "This says Otherwise."
She took out her glasses, carefully unfolded it, then started laughing while handing it to my dad.
http://i.imgur.com/kekwP1L.jpg
Na my hindsight status is ‘married’
https://imgur.com/gallery/5tHAKPq
https://twitter.com/ultimateshtpstr/status/1117149591273521152?s=21
Great one from Blaine Capatch: https://twitter.com/blainecapatch/status/1180667486363979776?s=19
