I certainly donβt have nerd immunity. π€¦πΌββοΈ
ποΈ 9
π
οΈ Jan 27 2021
A joke about herd immunity isn't funny unless...
ποΈ 22
π
οΈ Nov 20 2020
Breaking news: Scientists have developed a soundtrack that boosts mental well being and improves immune response to Coronavirus
If approved by the FDA, it will greatly enhance heard immunity.
ποΈ 16
π
οΈ May 29 2021
Why are ants immune to the coronavirus?
Because they have anty bodys.
ποΈ 204
π
οΈ Apr 03 2021
Patients who recover on Saturdays and Sundays have a weekend immune system.
ποΈ 12
π
οΈ Apr 30 2021
My doctor says I should start eating hot peppers to boost my immune system.
He said they're full of Vitamin Spi-C!
ποΈ 6
π
οΈ Apr 27 2021
As an immune deficient person, anti vaxxers make me sick
ποΈ 7
π
οΈ Jan 01 2021
Why do women with nieces and nephews have great immune systems?
Because of their Auntie-bodies
ποΈ 116
π
οΈ Dec 21 2020
Why do I always feel great on Saturdays and Sundays, and sick on all the other days ?
Maybe I just have a weekend immune system..
ποΈ 241
π
οΈ May 29 2021
I want to tell a vaccine joke
ποΈ 9k
π
οΈ Feb 18 2021
What do you call an emtional covid 19 immunization?
ποΈ 4
π
οΈ Dec 04 2020
Whatβs it called when all the smart people get vaccinated?
ποΈ 25
π
οΈ May 04 2021
I have a rare condition that means I never get days off from work.
Itβs due to my weekend immune system
ποΈ 41
π
οΈ May 02 2021
Ho ho ho!
ποΈ 6k
π
οΈ Nov 22 2020
Oven mitts make hands immune to heat.
At least to a certain degree.
(first post here. thought of this while making a hot pocket)
ποΈ 6
π
οΈ Aug 17 2020
Boss: I find it highly suspicious that you are always sick on weekdays.
Me: It must be my weekend immune system.
ποΈ 397
π
οΈ Mar 18 2021
Why are ants immune during this global pandemic?
Because they have little antibodies.
ποΈ 6
π
οΈ Apr 21 2020
I'm immune now
After two months of lockdown, inactivity and junk food, I have developed an antibody myself.
ποΈ 6
π
οΈ May 15 2020
I was worried about how I'd react to antivaxxers.
But think I'm immune now.
ποΈ 22
π
οΈ Mar 20 2021
My mom's sisters said they are immune to all viruses.
They said it's because of their aunt-ey bodies.
ποΈ 6
π
οΈ Mar 16 2020
Who knew dogs were immune?
The World Health Organization has announced that dogs cannot contract Covid-19. Dogs previously held in quarantine can now be released. Now we know WHO let the dogs out.
ποΈ 2
π
οΈ Mar 16 2020
Why did all those dancers during the halftime show wear those masks?
The singer had a Weeknd immune system.
ποΈ 70
π
οΈ Feb 08 2021
In spite of all restrictions because of Covid, diplomats are allowed to travel freely across countries.
Because they have immunity.
ποΈ 5
π
οΈ Jan 27 2021
The Amish have an auto-immune disease.
ποΈ 4
π
οΈ Nov 27 2018
Don't know what's your opinion about that, but being immune from dangerous diseases..
ποΈ 2
π
οΈ Jul 10 2019
Only anti-vaxxers will get this
ποΈ 9k
π
οΈ May 27 2019
My son is immune to dad jokes
I'm a mother so it's probably why, but my poor attempt at dad jokes always backfire.
An example from today:
Son: I'm thirsty!
Me: Hi thirsty, I'm mummy!
Son: Hi thirsty, I'm [son's name]!
Godamn 3 year olds not understanding great humour!
ποΈ 8
π
οΈ Aug 30 2018
How come Trump doesnβt wear a mask?
He thinks he has diplomatic immunity.
ποΈ 61
π
οΈ Jul 30 2020
Have you heard about the groups of feline warriors that protects the immune system?
They call themselves the gang-lions.
ποΈ 4
π
οΈ Sep 21 2018
Me to my deaf friend: why risk going to a rock concert with the pandemic raging and all?
My deaf friend: heard immunity
ποΈ 3
π
οΈ Nov 13 2020
Cows canβt catch coronavirus
because of their im-moo-nity.
ποΈ 8
π
οΈ Mar 25 2020
Taking 2 month old for immunizations...
Text Dad "Ill be late coming back from lunch, taking (daughters name) for shots"
He responds "don't you think she's too young to be doing shots?"
ποΈ 38
π
οΈ Feb 13 2014
Thought I was immune to dad jokes for a while there, until my dad dropped this one this Easter.
Each member in our family split up the amount of eggs so that we'd get 6 to dye each, two dozen. At the end of the dying session, my sister looks over at my dad's 6 eggs and we see he's got one white egg left. My sister wants an extra egg if he's not going to use it and asks if she can dye the egg. He looks at her like she's lost her mind and said he dyed all of his eggs, there isn't one left. This banter goes on for about 5 or 6 minutes with all of us insisting he has a leftover egg to dye. Finally, he looks down and says "oh do you mean this one?" Pointing to the white egg. We all let out an exasperated "YES!" He turns to is all, with the big old dad smirk on his face and says, oh no that one's done, I put that one in the white dye. groans all around.
ποΈ 5
π
οΈ Apr 30 2014
Why donβt cows and sheep get coronavirus?
ποΈ 2
π
οΈ Jul 18 2020
Scientists have noticed that patients who have the cold feel better on Saturdays and Sundays.
Itβs the weekend immune system.
ποΈ 13
π
οΈ Jul 18 2020
Immunity
Now you all have heard immunity.
ποΈ 2
π
οΈ May 14 2020
Why do I feel healthy on Saturdays and Sundays, and so sickly for all the other days ?
Maybe, I just have a weekend immune system.
ποΈ 67
π
οΈ Feb 06 2021
My boss said, βI find it highly suspicious that you are only sick on weekdays.β
I said, βIt must be my weekend immune system.β
ποΈ 12k
π
οΈ Sep 28 2020
My boss asked me why I only get sick on work days
I said it must be my weekend immune system
ποΈ 2k
π
οΈ Dec 06 2020
Boss: I find it highly suspicious that you are sick only on weekdays.
Me: It must be my weakened immune system.
ποΈ 31
π
οΈ Jan 21 2021
My boss asked why I only get sick on work days
I said it must be my weekend immune system
ποΈ 70
π
οΈ Dec 05 2020
I get sick on work days only
Because I have a weekend immune system
ποΈ 18
π
οΈ Dec 06 2020
For some reason I always get sick during holidays.
I must have a weekend immune system...
ποΈ 11
π
οΈ Sep 28 2020
My boss said "I find it highly suspicious that you are only sick on weekdays."
I said, "It must be my weekend immune system."
ποΈ 24
π
οΈ Oct 03 2020
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