I certainly don’t have nerd immunity. πŸ€¦πŸΌβ€β™‚οΈ
πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2021
🚨︎ report
A joke about herd immunity isn't funny unless...

...everyone gets it.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HunterSwan
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Breaking news: Scientists have developed a soundtrack that boosts mental well being and improves immune response to Coronavirus

If approved by the FDA, it will greatly enhance heard immunity.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LateralAxes
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2021
🚨︎ report
Why are ants immune to the coronavirus?

Because they have anty bodys.

πŸ‘︎ 204
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Theoriginalclarky
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2021
🚨︎ report
Patients who recover on Saturdays and Sundays have a weekend immune system.
πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pathrado
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2021
🚨︎ report
My doctor says I should start eating hot peppers to boost my immune system.

He said they're full of Vitamin Spi-C!

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/-Masderus-
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2021
🚨︎ report
As an immune deficient person, anti vaxxers make me sick
πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lt_Matthew
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2021
🚨︎ report
Why do women with nieces and nephews have great immune systems?

Because of their Auntie-bodies

πŸ‘︎ 116
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Reiri_
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do I always feel great on Saturdays and Sundays, and sick on all the other days ?

Maybe I just have a weekend immune system..

πŸ‘︎ 241
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2021
🚨︎ report
I want to tell a vaccine joke

But some won't get it

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/crimsonangel68
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call an emtional covid 19 immunization?

A Vacc-scene

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fanklinthefox
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
🚨︎ report
What’s it called when all the smart people get vaccinated?

Nerd Immunity

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Travis-Tarbox
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2021
🚨︎ report
I have a rare condition that means I never get days off from work.

It’s due to my weekend immune system

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AlexOfTheEarth
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2021
🚨︎ report
Ho ho ho!
πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ajfoucault
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Oven mitts make hands immune to heat.

At least to a certain degree.

(first post here. thought of this while making a hot pocket)

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shockedcandy614
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Boss: I find it highly suspicious that you are always sick on weekdays.

Me: It must be my weekend immune system.

πŸ‘︎ 397
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2021
🚨︎ report
Why are ants immune during this global pandemic?

Because they have little antibodies.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shellsh0ckevincar
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm immune now

After two months of lockdown, inactivity and junk food, I have developed an antibody myself.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jcarr277
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2020
🚨︎ report
I was worried about how I'd react to antivaxxers.

But think I'm immune now.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DarkBlueMullet
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2021
🚨︎ report
My mom's sisters said they are immune to all viruses.

They said it's because of their aunt-ey bodies.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/enganere
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Who knew dogs were immune?

The World Health Organization has announced that dogs cannot contract Covid-19. Dogs previously held in quarantine can now be released. Now we know WHO let the dogs out.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/schlayer
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did all those dancers during the halftime show wear those masks?

The singer had a Weeknd immune system.

πŸ‘︎ 70
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2021
🚨︎ report
In spite of all restrictions because of Covid, diplomats are allowed to travel freely across countries.

Because they have immunity.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2021
🚨︎ report
The Amish have an auto-immune disease.
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jefuchs
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2018
🚨︎ report
Don't know what's your opinion about that, but being immune from dangerous diseases..

..is worth a shot.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2019
🚨︎ report
Only anti-vaxxers will get this

Measles

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/maybebabyg
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2019
🚨︎ report
My son is immune to dad jokes

I'm a mother so it's probably why, but my poor attempt at dad jokes always backfire.

An example from today:

Son: I'm thirsty!

Me: Hi thirsty, I'm mummy!

Son: Hi thirsty, I'm [son's name]!

Godamn 3 year olds not understanding great humour!

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2018
🚨︎ report
How come Trump doesn’t wear a mask?

He thinks he has diplomatic immunity.

πŸ‘︎ 61
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TherapyHam
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Have you heard about the groups of feline warriors that protects the immune system?

They call themselves the gang-lions.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TacoNumeroJuan
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2018
🚨︎ report
Me to my deaf friend: why risk going to a rock concert with the pandemic raging and all?

My deaf friend: heard immunity

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Josentangles
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Cows can’t catch coronavirus

because of their im-moo-nity.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/golubeerji
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Taking 2 month old for immunizations...

Text Dad "Ill be late coming back from lunch, taking (daughters name) for shots" He responds "don't you think she's too young to be doing shots?"

πŸ‘︎ 38
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bandit6789
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2014
🚨︎ report
Thought I was immune to dad jokes for a while there, until my dad dropped this one this Easter.

Each member in our family split up the amount of eggs so that we'd get 6 to dye each, two dozen. At the end of the dying session, my sister looks over at my dad's 6 eggs and we see he's got one white egg left. My sister wants an extra egg if he's not going to use it and asks if she can dye the egg. He looks at her like she's lost her mind and said he dyed all of his eggs, there isn't one left. This banter goes on for about 5 or 6 minutes with all of us insisting he has a leftover egg to dye. Finally, he looks down and says "oh do you mean this one?" Pointing to the white egg. We all let out an exasperated "YES!" He turns to is all, with the big old dad smirk on his face and says, oh no that one's done, I put that one in the white dye. groans all around.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ujelly_fish
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2014
🚨︎ report
Why don’t cows and sheep get coronavirus?

They have herd immunity.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Scientists have noticed that patients who have the cold feel better on Saturdays and Sundays.

It’s the weekend immune system.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Immunity

Now you all have heard immunity.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do I feel healthy on Saturdays and Sundays, and so sickly for all the other days ?

Maybe, I just have a weekend immune system.

πŸ‘︎ 67
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2021
🚨︎ report
My boss said, β€œI find it highly suspicious that you are only sick on weekdays.”

I said, β€œIt must be my weekend immune system.”

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2020
🚨︎ report
My boss asked me why I only get sick on work days

I said it must be my weekend immune system

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LuxCassandra
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Boss: I find it highly suspicious that you are sick only on weekdays.

Me: It must be my weakened immune system.

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2021
🚨︎ report
My boss asked why I only get sick on work days

I said it must be my weekend immune system

πŸ‘︎ 70
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πŸ‘€︎ u/weiderman316
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
🚨︎ report
I get sick on work days only

Because I have a weekend immune system

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shadow__987
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
🚨︎ report
For some reason I always get sick during holidays.

I must have a weekend immune system...

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GAZUAG
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2020
🚨︎ report
My boss said "I find it highly suspicious that you are only sick on weekdays."

I said, "It must be my weekend immune system."

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ivanshu
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2020
🚨︎ report

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