Did you hear about the French stately home that fell into disrepair?
It's a château of its former self.
Can anyone give me capitals and state puns?
For example I have:
What's the capital of Alaska?
I'm pretty sure Juneau (You know)
Reflecting on Prince Philip death, I was chatting with the Mrs and I said, I know I’m getting a little older, but I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug.
She got up, unplugged my laptop and threw out my beer….
EDIT: Thanks for the kind awards... My first ever! ❤️
What state in the US drinks the smallest cans of soda?
There will be point in the future when Canada will take over the world.
And then you will all be sorry.
53 states would make us indivisible
What do you call a bee that is from the United States
What can jump higher, the empire state building or a kangaroo
The kangaroo cause the empire state building can't jump
The police just showed up at my house and arrested my bottle of water. They said he was wanted in 3 states...
Why does Missouri like being surrounded by other states?
Because Missouri loves company!
Was your waist the 16th president of the United States?
...cause those hips don’t lie
Arkansas is the only state mentioned in the Bible.
“Noah walked out onto the ark and saw....”
Won an award for growing the biggest pickle in the state.
Not to brag, but yesterday i beat the state chess champion in less than five moves.
Finally my high school karate lessons came to some use.
Instead of a swear jar I have a negativity jar. Everytime I have a pessimistic thought I put a dollar in it.
What do you say to The President Of The United States when he leaves abruptly?
BREAKING: The United States, after mistaking it for an Iranian submarine, has struck a utility submarine with an underwater torpedo that was en route to displace the shipping carrier blocking the Suez Canal, killing all 169 aboard
We need to add PR, DC, and Guam, as states.
53 is a prime number. Then we can truly be one nation, indivisible.
It used to be free to fill up your car tires with air, now it costs $1.25 You know why?
The Texas state Aquarium taught a crow to play connect four, too bad they didn't teach it Clue...
I bet it would murder the game.
What do cowboys use to move from state to state?
Company password
During a recent password audit by a company, it was found that an employee was using the following password:
"MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofySacremento"
When asked why they had such a long password, the employee rolled their eyes and said "Hello! It has to be at least 8 characters and include at least one capital!"
Murphy's Law states anything that can go wrong will go wrong. Have you heard of Cole's Law?
Now that Donald Trump is no longer President, the United States is experiencing post-nut clarity.
My wife accused me of always stating the obvious.
I replied, "That's what you think!"
What's the most sexist US state?
My buddy Ian is a strong proponent of state surveillance of citizens. I disagree and think it's a bad idea, so I said...
So I was talking with a friend about states
me: do you know the abbreviations for ohio and oklahoma?
friend: no
me: oh ok
Donald Trump is currently organizing pigeons against the united states government.
BREAKING: North Korean Leader in vegetative state following surgery.
They're going to start calling him Kim Jong Un-Responsive
Why is it spelled "Color" in the US but "Colour" in Britain?
Because after the revolutionary war, the freed United States told Britain defiantly, "We're getting rid of you".
What state in the US speaks Japanese?
Did you hear about the depressive state of US?
It shares border with more states than any other. Missouri loves company.
What state has the smallest drinks ?
I heard a kangaroo can jump higher than the Empire State building.
Actually, they all can. Buildings don't jump at all.
The police arrested water because it was wanted in three states
What's a state where the men don't know anything?
What is the only state mentioned in the bible? Arkansas.
Noah looked out of the ark and saw two doves.
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