If a Priest becomes a standup comedian

Will Father be cracking dad jokes then?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RekadaKhost
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2021
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Why are woodpecker standup comedians so annoying?

They can't stop telling knock-knock jokes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/eat-rainbows
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2021
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why did the FedEx driver decide to get into standup comedy as a fallback?

all his friends told him he was really good at delivery

i came up with this myself and im kinda proud ngl

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JacksonCM
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2020
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Why did the obstetrician pursue a career in standup?

Because he was so good at deliveries

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rayzon1
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2020
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Why couldn't the bike standup by itself?

It was two tired.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anon_777
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2020
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Never go to a doctor who does standup comedy on the side.

He'll leave you in stitches.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/prendrefeu
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2020
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So I hear the Grim Reaper is going into Standup Comedy

Apparently he kills.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MageKorith
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2020
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Did you hear about the termite who became a standup comedian?

He brought the house down.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Joesdad65
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2019
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The flash, Batman, and Superman create a standup group. Can you guess what they’re called?

The DC Comics

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jack-b1501
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2019
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What do you call snake who switches careers from standup comedy to Canadian law enforcement?

Mountie Python

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Torley_
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2018
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I watched a standup comedian last night doing a terrible unfunny bit about fonts.

He was a Comic sans the humor.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2019
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My standup routine about statistical inaccuracy went really badly...

It was a comedy of errors.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Middlerun
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2017
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The trick to a good standup comedy act is to bring high quality fruit punch.

That way there's a punch line.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Trayus9
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2015
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Tim Vine is a standup comedian that tells almost exclusively dad jokes.

If you'd like to watch a video of him, here's one, or you could watch him on youtube.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DulceyDooner
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2014
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It's the little things that count (also a T-rex's arms)

https://www.instagram.com/standup.trex/

https://preview.redd.it/9449vyyyj4f61.png?width=620&format=png&auto=webp&s=4f5d46a86d95447af0958da58a8583a00398e36f

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mondalengo
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2021
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Jokes about bipedalism are the best jokes to tell on stage.

They form the basis of standup comedy.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/agsederq
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
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Kenny Loggins Should Do A Song With Kenny Passwords.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HenrysTestiesRbad
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2018
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Quintuple pun

I'm thinking about giving up my life and movimg to India to be a standup comedian, but I'm nervous, it would be my first Punjobi. I Khan't get very far without knowing much about Sikhing this kind of work, so if you could be my reference and Singh my praises, that would be great, I'm just sick of working in a Deli.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/megajamie
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2019
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Why did the scarecrow get an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RND2KO
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2019
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I have a friend who performs comedy for charity.

He's a standup guy.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JFW0RD
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2018
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Me, my wife, and my son were sitting at the dinner table.

My son told us a good joke, and my wife commented saying he has potential as a standup comedian. But I then said "He's no standup comedian, he's a sitdown comedian."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Warper1
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2018
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How do you have a well balanced meal...?

Stand on one leg while you eat.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ign3usR3x
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2016
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Stephen Hawking is actually pretty funny..

But I don't think he could do standup.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/k-smackerel
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2015
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I heard Tracy Morgan may need to get his leg amputated.

Looks like his standup career is over.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JarHeadVet
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2014
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Why couldn't the bike standup by itself?

It was Two Tired

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TJVpower
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2019
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Why couldn't the bike standup by itself?

It was two tired.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HostileSquirrl1
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2019
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Why couldn't the bike standup by itself?

It was two tired

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OskarSkjold
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2019
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