My dad's old standby

It doesn't matter whether you're African, American, or Asian

In the bathroom, European

πŸ‘︎ 97
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/manfredmustard
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2014
🚨︎ report
My wife dropped this old standby while trying to get our one year old to sleep last night.

Wife: "Your little punk son is resisting arrest!" Me: crickets

About five minutes later

Me: "OH! Resisting a-REST! Hahahaha! I get it. Wife: "I was wondering how long that would take."

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bokanovsky_Jones
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2015
🚨︎ report
One of my favorite old standbys

Driving with the wife and kid around this time of year.

Me: Hay!

Wife: What's up?

Me: No. Hay!

Proceed to point to some fresh hay bales.

A classic. Feel free to use it to drive your people crazy as well.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Kavein80
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2014
🚨︎ report
What's a bisexual person who's waiting for their date

A person on standbi

(I do not mean to offend anyone if this does)

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Football29gamer
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2019
🚨︎ report
[Pun request] Bubbles

Next week the museum I work at begins a three-week run of what we call Bubblefest. There will be bubbles everywhere, a bubble laser show, all kinds of exhibits and interactive shows explaining some of the science involved with bubbles. So I need some jokes and puns to replace the old standby of "my pop is bigger than your pop!"

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/chilehead
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a bisexual person who is single?

They are on standbi

πŸ‘︎ 55
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Amanbbi
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Dealing with son's sexuality issues..

Son: Okay, so I would identify as bisexual.

Me: And that means you would have a male partner.

Son. Yep.

Me: Or a female partner.

Son: Yep.

Me: And that means you're bi.

Son: Yep.

Me: So that means if you don't find a partner you're on standbi?

Son: ..

Son: ...

Son: ..

Son: Did you just..

πŸ‘︎ 558
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ralphfaith
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2017
🚨︎ report
Need help!

Does anyone have any good magazine/reporter puns? I'm the editor of a student magazine and we'd like a pun to put on our shirts. We can always go with the old standby "we have issues" but I'm sure someone somewhere has something funnier.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lovethestars
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2014
🚨︎ report
[Meta] Dadjokes aren't just puns.

As a big proponent of the dadjoke I want to argue that a dadjoke is not just a pun. I see lots of material submitted here that might be better suited for /r/punny.

Speaking as a dad, for me a classic dad joke is highly dependent on the context.

I can't whip out old standbys at any moment and call them proper dadjokes. If I'm driving my kid to school I can't just ask him "Hey, do you know why the kids couldn't see the pirate movie? It was rated aaarrrgh!". That's just a bad joke.

OTOH, if my kid says "are" kinda funny (which he has before), and I make a joke about him being the youngest pirate I know (I may or may not have done this before), then that's a dadjoke. A shitty one, but still a dadjoke. The best context ones are where a situation presents itself and the dad takes the opportunity to make the lame joke (as in a post from awhile back where the OP overheard three or four dads make almost the exact same joke at an aquarium).

Straight up puns should go to /r/punny. Context specific jokes which rely on vagaries of the language or the funny situation, should stay here.

Just my two cents worth.

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/smileyman
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2016
🚨︎ report
Security Guard's Repeating Joke

I’m not sure, but I think this belongs here:

I work night shift as a unit clerk at a hospital, and there is this one old security guard who goes on rounds to every unit. He always stops at my desk and cracks really cheesy, cringe-worthy jokes. He has this one awful (awesome?) knee-slapper that seems to be a permanent fixture in his "dad joke" repertoire. He’s said it 3 or 4 times already since I’ve started working here in March, so I'm pretty sure this joke is constantly on standby for him.

This is the exact conversation every time:

Security dude: How are you doing this fine evening?

Me (purposefully setting myself up for it): Pretty good. How about you?

Security dude: Really? WELL, I’ve never been pretty or good, so I don't know what that's like! Hahahahahaha (continues to laugh like this is the funniest joke that’s ever been told).

πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bad-fish89
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2013
🚨︎ report
I believe I have dad humor...

When I'm with friends I have a few standby jokes that I use:

  1. Friend: Man, this sucks.
    Me: You know what else sucks?
    Friend: What?
    Me: A vacuum.

  2. Friend: That's so gay.
    Me: You know what else is gay?
    Friend: ...
    Me: Two guys having sex.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NoahBody
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2013
🚨︎ report
me and jon

My dad had a couple of standby jokes that he would dish out at every opportunity. His favorite was, anytime we would say something like, "me and Jon went to the park" he would reply, "why is Jon so mean?"

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/darkland52
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2013
🚨︎ report
If a bisexual isn't dating anyone...

...does that mean they're on standbi?

πŸ‘︎ 60
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Clbull
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2019
🚨︎ report
My bisexual son isn't dating anyone

He said he was on standbi

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ACheeseGod
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2018
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.