A play on words enters a room and stabs a dozen people. Only two survive.
You are traveling along the Oregon Trail, and you meet a man named Terry. You say "Terry? That's a girls name!" In anger, Terry stabs you to death.
You have died of dissin' Terry.
What’s green and mean and stabs you when you hug It
To kill a French vampire, you have to stab it in the heart with a baguette...
The concept is simple, but the process is painstaking.
My wife yells from the kitchen “Do you ever get a shooting pain, like someone’s stabbing a voodoo doll?” I answered “No.”
She yelled “How about now?”
Did you hear that king Reginald was assassinated yesterday when someone stabbed him in the liver?
It was a Reggie’s-side regicide!
Did you hear about the actress that just got stabbed?
I think her name was Reece
So with crime being on the rise in a lot of countries around the world, I read that London just set a new record this week. According to the news, someone is stabbed in London every 52 seconds...
>!I mean... that is one unfortunate guy, right?!<
My girlfriend is crazy, I could totally see her stabbing me
But at least she didn't stab me in the back
In order to kill a French vampire, you will need to stab him with a baguette.
A painstaking task, if you ask me.
How was archery invented?
Somebody decided, I want to stab that guy waaaayyy over there
A judge asked a wife why she stabbed her husband 75 times.
She said her arm got tired.
I bought a knife that can cut through four pieces of bread at once…
It’s a four-loaf cleaver.
Did you hear about the guy who stabbed a box of frosted flakes in Walmart earlier?
What happens when a non-binary person gets stabbed?
I stabbed my salad 23 times
That's one way to get your point across
Every salad can be a Caesar salad
If you stab it enough times.
I got stabbed in both eyes with a pencil.
My wife yelled from upstairs and asked: "Do you ever get a shooting pain across your body, like someone’s got a voodoo doll of you and they're stabbing it?" I replied, "No..."
She responded, "How about now?"
Who do you call when you stab your toe ?
What Is The Difference Between Stabbing A Man And Killing A Hog?
One is assaulting with intent to kill; the other is killing with intent to salt.
I was rushed to hospital after being stabbed in the neck with a root vegetable...
Surgeons had to act fast to fix my carrot-ed artery.
I was watching a true crime show, and they said multiple stab wounds usually indicate the killer was close to the victim…
Typically within an arms length or less, in fact.
Farmer Fred is Farmer Dead [OC]
A guy just stabbed a Captain Crunch cosplayer. I immediately called the police
Turns out he was an on the run, Cereal Killer
I once got stabbed by my own girlfriend
Well that was heartbreaking...
What did emperor's used to eat?
What do you get if cross a murderer and a samurai?
I watched a really sad porno movie last night
It was a real tear jerker
Looking for puns for the Ides of March
Wednesday (14th) is the Ides of March. As in "beware the Ides of March" when Julius Caesar was stabbed by his rivals. "Et tu Brute" and all that.
I have a team meeting that day and the manager will be biting his tongue not to add a pun or two. (Good friendly team. It will go down well.) So I'm trying to think of a couple of low key phrases I could mention to hint at the day, or setting him up so he can't help it.
Any suggestions?
I have a few starting thoughts but don't want to poison the well of creativity by sharing first.
Edit. I wrote puns and then posted. I should simply have said jokes.
Should I give it another stab or leaf it as is?
I just saw a documentary about a serial killer who stabbed people's hearts with tools.
It was very heart wrenching.
Did you hear about the actress that got stabbed recently? Reese…
Whiterspoon? -No, with a knife
I just got stabbed by 1, 3, 5, 7 and 9
The odds were against me!
A guy gets stabbed, falls to the ground and dies. He then gets up and dies two more times.
I might get stabbed over this:
A play on words enters a room and stabs a dozen people. Only two survive
I just read that someone in New York gets stabbed every 52 seconds.
I just read that someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds.
My wife yelled from the bedroom asking, “Do you ever get a shooting pain across your body like someone’s got a voodoo doll of you and they’re stabbing it?” I replied, “No.”
She yelled back, "How about now?"
I read that someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds.
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