The person was unarmed.
I said, “Yes please.”
Waiter: “No problem sir. Today is special.”
Edit: You guys are way too generous. Thank you.
Because it’s made backwards!
...it's one of the only day where tomorrow is the present day.
They were right. I should have waited until next week.
With that, John got in line and when it was his turn the Pastor asked, " John, what do you want me to pray for you?"
John replied, "Pastor, I need you to pray for help with my hearing."
The Pastor put one finger of one hand on John's ear, placed his other hand on top of John's head, and then prayed and prayed and the whole congregation joined in with much enthusiasm. After a few minutes, the Pastor removed his hands, stood back and asked: "John, how is your hearing now?"
John answered, "I don't know. My hearing is actually next Thursday in the "Magistrate Court."
I think it was Scampoo.
I've used it before and it works. It's the perfect icebreaker.
It’s Three To One.
Special
I mean, how low can you go?
“Oh, and what is this special talent?” Asked the priest.
The applicant walked up to the bells and slammed his face into the bell.
At first the priest was taken aback, but the sound from the bells was heavenly!
“You’re hired!!” He exclaimed.
The applicant jumped around in excitement and slipped, falling off the side of the belfry to the ground below.
The priest ran downstairs and outside to the sidewalk where the bell ringer lay dead.
A bystander asked “who is he?”
The priest responded “I don’t know his name, but his face sure rings a bell!”
even the cake was in tiers!
had to do a (bad) dad joke for my cake day lol
My hands for always staying by my side
My legs for helping me stand up
And my fingers because I could always count on them
...my optometrist just told me that I'm very farce-sighted.
The masks are called coughy filters.
Poirots of the Caribbean.
Dante’s in fur now.
It's just a regular martini, but you drink it all alone in your house.
Is that a good deal or is it just two deer?
They have the hoard immunity.
Dad: Then we'll just have the second one !
They only pay a buccaneer.
It was Danson with the stars!
Co-teacher: "Students name" came in and said he lost his throat.
Me: Oh no! Did he check where he last remembered having it?
Co-teacher: He couldn't say.
When people watch me drive by they’ll say “Look at that S-car-go”
(A joke my dad told me many many years ago)
A Satis-factory
A sweet deal.
Because 2022 is 2020, too.
The man frowns. “What do you mean it’s a secret? What’s the special today? Is it a latte?”
The barista shakes her head.
“A mocha?”
She shakes her head again.
“Oh, come on! Tell me! A cappuccino?”
She shakes her head.
“An affogato?”
She shakes her head.
The man is getting frustrated at this point. “Can you at least give me a clue!?”
The barista thinks for a moment, then points at a jar on the counter. “Ok, the special is in this jar.”
“What is it?”
“I can’t tell you. It’s a secret.”
The man, enraged at this point, tries to grab the jar.
The barista grabs it too.
They fight for control and the man wretches it away only for the jar to fall on the ground and its contents spill out onto the floor.
The man stares, “It’s just been normal coffee this whole time?!”
The barista shrugs, “I guess you spilled the beans.”
Tuesday (two’s day)
It was a sailing solution to cross a saline solution
Customer: "Yes, please."
Waiter: "Today IS special. Very special."
I said, “Yes please, thanks.”
The waiter responded: Today is special.
Me: Yes please.
Waiter: Sure. Today is special.
