Look, everyone. It's Count Spatula. (Original art by me)
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WolverFink
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2020
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[Not Joke] Petition to change upvotes and downvotes to upwards and downwards facing spatulas.

Idea behind each: Upvote = burger flip motion for burgers flipped, hence my 1k karma / burgers flipped

Downvote = Drop your spatula, that was an actual bad joke, kinda like this post.

And always remember, here’s one in Spanish: Uno.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Paparabbit
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2018
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When I was a kid, my Dad put a label on a spatula that read "Tina"...

He said it was our "Tina Turner."

Keep on turnin', doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheReverendBill
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2019
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My dad's not allowed to speak Japanese, let alone teach the language. But there's nothing that says he can't teach Japanese cooking and geography. So far, I just learned the cooking tools and the location of the country.

This is Japan, this is ja-spatula, this is ja-whisk, this is ja-wok, this is ja-mixer, this is ja-fork, this is ja-spoon, and these are ja-chopsticks.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FoxyCamoCat738
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2021
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I used to work as a chef and I had so many utensils that I rented a unit to keep them all in.

It was my spatula pad.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AustralianGroan
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2020
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What do you call a vampire who makes pancakes?

Count Spatula.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mortambulist
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2019
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What do female chefs do before they get married?

Have a spatula-ette party.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/timewellspenc3
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2019
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Which kitchen utensil does every woman want?

The most eligible spatula

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πŸ‘€︎ u/stiltonfondu
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2018
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A moment ago in our kitchen...

My wife was just babywearing our 11-week-old while she cooked dinner. As she did so, she was having a conversation both with our daughter and all the utensils.

"See, all the food in the pan is going sizzle sizzle sizzle! And we use Mr. Spatula to move it around. Say hi to Mr. Spatula! And then once it's done, we're going to put into Mr. Strainer. Can you say hi to Mr. Strainer?"

"Hey!", I interjected, "Absolutely not! Don't you go teaching her to talk to strainers!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HalBriston
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2014
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Boyfriend dad joked me during home improvements

Bf and I were doing some re- plastering in the house yesterday. All the spatula work was really starting to hurt my wrist.

Me: "Damn, honey. My wrist really hurts from all this work."

Him: "Would you say you need some wrist training?"

Me: "Hmmmm...yeah I guess that would help..."

Him: "Then you need a wrist training order"

groans

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πŸ‘€︎ u/the_homeschooler
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2014
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I never know how to respond.

The other day I made lasagna for my family. Half of us love mushrooms while the other half hates them, so I usually make two.

Me (pointing to the individual ones): "That one has mushrooms and that one doesn't"

My dad got a sad look on his face when looking at the one w/o mushrooms and said, "Awh, this is terrible. I can't get the spatula in."

Me: "Why not?"

Dad: "There's not mush room in there"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/coachz1212
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2013
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Sister: "So I've decided to start flipping houses"

Her Husband: "I hope you have a big enough spatula"

I lost it

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πŸ‘€︎ u/boessel
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2015
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I heard that they used to have a special name for those who completed a degree at Culinary Schools...

Spatula of Arts.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TR_Ollington
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2016
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Doing dishes while I'm visiting home and then

I find a tiny spatula while I'm washing and I said, "What is this? A spatula for ants?"

Only to be promptly responded to with, "I'm sure it's for uncles too!"

sigh

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πŸ‘€︎ u/poopdiet
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2014
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butter pun than yours

I saw a girl trying to spread butter on a bagel with a plastic spatula earlier today in my dining hall. She was struggling a little bit, so I leaned over and told her that if she just used a metal knife, she'd be able to spread that butter

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fingernail
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2011
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We were having steak tips...

Me: Can I have a tip?

Dad: Get a job!

I groan. He prods a steak tip with his spatula

Dad: Do you want it well done?

Me: Uh...

Dad: Then work hard!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Langlie
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2014
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Some nice dad jokes at Benihana last night

I was looking forward to all the dad jokes at Benihana last night, and I was not disappointed! (Also, epic onion volcano!)

  • Our chef says "Who wants egg roll?" and then rolls an egg across the cooking surface.

  • When the chef added butter to the cooking vegetables, he threw his bowl of butter into the air a couple times and said "Look! Butterfly!"

  • While prepping the shrimp, he put all the tails on his spatula and asked the 6-year-old at the table "You ordered just tail, right?"

  • He put one sesame seed on his spatula, showed it to the 6-year-old and said "Japanese diet!"

  • Our chef checks with everyone who ordered steak to see how they want it cooked, then says to the people who ordered chicken "For chicken, everyone want rare?" and then he laughed when one of the girls at the table got really confused.

I'm sure there were more that I can't remember once the sake kicked in.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/msim
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2015
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My mother isn't usually the dadjoke type...

We're on our way to replace my laptop charger, which overheated and completely fizzled out last night. She's asking me if I can check if it's properly dead or not my plugging it back into my laptop. I'm afraid that the brick is burnt through, which would overload my computer.

"No, Umma. What would I do if my computer starts to fry?"

Completely straightfaced, she mimics holding a spatula and deadpans, "Flip it over."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JeremyJustin
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2014
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Girlfriend wanted to see the new Peter Pan movie.

Girl: So have you seen Pan yet? I heard it was good.

Me: No but the Pot is pretty great.

Girl: No I meant the new movie, the origin story of Peter Pan.

Me: Oh no, I haven't seen it. But I heard Sally Spatula was also a great story. It was a good flip ending.

Followed by twenty minutes of me giggling while she walked away shacking her head.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KingKuntan
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2015
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Our teppan chef pulled this one on us.

While starting on the eggs for the fried rice, he separated the yolk from the whites and started bouncing it on his spatula. He turned to a guy at the table and said "Ready?" as though he was going to toss it to him for a catch, then once we'd all made adequately horrified faces, he replies "I'm just yolking!"

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2014
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