Hopefully this post is allowed. 5 or so years ago, I decided to post puns that I either came up with or enjoyed a lot. My goal was to make it easy to find puns based on a topic or subject. So I heavily tagged all of the entries with relevant information. I've consistently uploaded new puns on at least a weekly basis, but usually every 3 days.
I've amassed a large collection that I've decided to open source. I've dumped my database into a JSON file that is open and free to use (with proper attribution).
Let me know what you think!
https://punatorium.com/opun
The lady didn’t like her lover’s many hang ups.
Because what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.
My dad asked, "so you like both men and women?"
I responded with, "yeah, but I'm not seeing anyone right now"
He said, "so you must be on stand-bi"
Her: That’s bananas.
Me: Yeah, I was shocked too.
Number 7 will shock you
My thoughts are with his family.
...Just some food for thought.
I searched for lighters but ti only came up whith 14,852 matches
Because communication is key
Edit: it's from here, so please give the op credit
He was quite irrigated about it.
Wrap music
Source- my daughter
It was quite a rude awakening.
Source: Corny Dad Jokes
But it took balls of steel to make the first bearings.
By their current location.
Me: "But you already own her home."
Dad: -turning to daughter- "If you don't sleep with him, I will."
Credit to u/psybermonkey15
We've discovered the value of kraut sourcing.
In medieval times, people were named Lance a lot
So, she walks over and takes a seat next to him on the bench, turns to him and says, "Sorry to bother you. I know this may be a little forward but I would love to grab coffee with you some time."
Flattered, the man responds, "Sure... but what makes you so certain you and I would get along so well?"
"Well..." the woman says. "A couple things, actually. I noticed you were wearing an Iron Maiden t-shirt. Iron Maiden are my favorite band of all time. When they went on their reunion tour in 1999, my parents took me to see them in Cleveland. I was 12 years old and it was the first concert I ever went to. I absolutely love Iron Maiden."
The man can't believe it.
"I saw them play Cleveland in '99! First concert I ever went to on my own. My best friend Jimmy Spitz and I told our parents we were sleeping at each others' houses, snuck out, took a bus into the city and saw them play at the Plain Dealer Pavillion!"
Naturally, they're both shocked.
"If that isn't weird enough..." says the woman. "I noticed you're reading Mark Twain. I was a communications major in university and I actually wrote my thesis on Mark Twain and how he used satire as a lens to comment on current events of the time, comparing him to satirical news sources of today. He's my favorite author."
Now the man is really taken aback, "Get out of here! I was an English major in university! I specialized in 19th century American literature and this is like my fourth or fifth time reading Tom Sawyer, I absolutely love Mark Twain."
They both can't believe it...this has got to be a match made in heaven.
"Ok..." the woman says. "Well, buckle up because here's the icing on the cake. I noticed you're eating a prune. Prunes are my absolute favorite fruit. When I was a kid, my grandfather lived on a farm. He had an orchard that mainly grew apples and some lemons, but he knew how much my sister and I loved prunes so he kept a couple of plum trees. Every year at the end of the summer, we'd go up and harvest the plums with him. He'd dry them and by the time we'd go back to his place for Thanksgiving he'd always have those prunes saved just for us. They're my favorite fruit! I love prunes, you're eating a prune, this has got to be fate. What do you say?"
The man puts down his fruit and responds,
"It's a date!"
Certainly Sir, said the receptionist...this is the Lobby.
It was no suet.
.....that the corona virus struck because of a dyslexic order for rabbit.
Because they don't have any body to go with.
Source: Borrowed from r/UncleJokes
