I wanted to make a new soft drink called Emotions

But my therapist thought that was a bad idea. He said it was not healthy to bottle emotions. Others told me that the product would fizz in sales.

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Spotted_Lady
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Why is Pavlov's hair so soft?

Because he conditions it.

πŸ‘︎ 12k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rhena_lahrie
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Tongue, Teeth, Saliva, Roof, Soft Palate, Hard Palate, Uvuula, Taste Buds, Gums...

Wow, that was really a mouthful...

πŸ‘︎ 43
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Talon184
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
🚨︎ report
What state is famously known for selling small soft drinks?

Minnesota

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sergeantsexxy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2020
🚨︎ report
There's an Amazon Forest but no Microsoft Forest - why is that?

It's been logged out.

πŸ‘︎ 460
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/World-Tight
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Which U.S. state is famous for its extra-small soft drinks??

Minnesota ! HA!

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/balkso
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2020
🚨︎ report
I got hit in the head with a can of soda.

Luckily, it was a soft drink.

πŸ‘︎ 454
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bovinecrusader
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Why was Ivan Pavlov’s hair so soft?

Because he conditioned it.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jetavator
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2020
🚨︎ report
What goes in hard and pink and comes out soft and wet?

Chewing gum !

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2020
🚨︎ report
When asked whether his former coach liked artificially flavored sugary soft drinks, Lionel Messi replied

ΒΏPep? Β‘SΓ­!

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/klaymens
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Why does a baby duck walk softly?

Well it’s a baby. It can’t walk hardly.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ctrooper7567
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2020
🚨︎ report
I got hit in the head by a can of Coke today.

I'm okay, it was a soft drink.

πŸ‘︎ 40
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Spicoli0525
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
🚨︎ report
We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/communist_scumbag
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
In the battle of the mint - the spearmint attacked the soft mints - all they could yell was..

"Where are the reinforcemints"

πŸ‘︎ 408
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rictusbb
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2019
🚨︎ report
We can't decide whether to put in soft pink or baby blue flooring in the nursery

It's an infantile problem

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lfantine
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2020
🚨︎ report
What's the difference between a cat and an iron rod?

Nothing, they're both felines

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/buvet
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Why was Pavlov's beard so soft?

Because he conditioned it.

πŸ‘︎ 245
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2019
🚨︎ report
A man told me that throwing my drinks at him wouldn't hurt because I only drink soft drinks. But he was laid out when I threw a can of Arizona.

I guess he didn't expect a my tea throw.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Calthropstu
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2020
🚨︎ report
A guy walks into a bar with a dog and the bartender says "No pets allowed!"

The guy says "This isn't a pet, he's my friend and he can talk."

The bartender is skeptical and demands the guy proves it.

The guy asks the dog "What's the opposite of 'soft'?" The dog replies "Rough!"

The bartender remains skeptical and asks for more proof.

The guy asks the dog "What do people put over the top of their house?" The dog replies "Roof!"

The bartender gets annoyed and gives the guy one more chance.

The guy asks the dog "Who is the greatest baseball player of all time? Babe......" The dog replies "Ruth!"

The bartender is fed up and throws them out. The dog says "Should I have said 'Lou Gehrig?'"

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call the soft tissue between a shark’s teeth?

The slowest swimmer.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Arkham_Asylum27
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2020
🚨︎ report
The doctor thinks I have erectile dysfunction.

I told him I have no hard feelings.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Oops
πŸ‘︎ 6k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/We_r_Ven0m
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife asked me why I was speaking so softly at home...

...I told her I was afraid Mark Zuckerberg was listening! She laughed. I laughed. Alexa laughed.

πŸ‘︎ 106
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/_keter_
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2019
🚨︎ report
People who use sleeping bags in the woods are soft tacos for bears.
πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Karma-Bot-Killer
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Take my Word
πŸ‘︎ 5k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Zarhouni
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2019
🚨︎ report
Siri is a dad

Me: β€œSiri, are you self-aware?

Siri: β€œWell, I’m soft-aware.”

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dannysilver90
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Viagra is now available in a teabag format. It doesn't improve your performance...

....but it stops your biscuit from getting soft..

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife's handbag is sorely in need of replacement. I offered to get her a new soft leather one, but she declined.

I guess she's not easily purse-sueded.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Hard pour corn vs soft pour corn
πŸ‘︎ 44
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Deathlysin
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2019
🚨︎ report
My cat has feet like a comma

Soft pause

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LthlPnc
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2020
🚨︎ report
In Italy there is a group pf moms creating soft cheese...

They brand themselves as MOMzarella...

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hackmark
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2019
🚨︎ report
Where were small soft drinks invented?

Minisoda

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dandan_56
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Why is Pavlov’s hair so soft?

He conditions it.

πŸ‘︎ 46
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KaamosMajere
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Why was Pavlov’s hair so soft?

Because he conditioned it.

πŸ‘︎ 41
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sunspotshavefaded
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2020
🚨︎ report
What goes in long and hard, then comes out soft and wet?

Pasta you pervert

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/yaklshakl
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Why was Pavlov’s hair so soft?

He conditioned it

πŸ‘︎ 81
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2020
🚨︎ report
The man working the bar tonight was real soft.

He was a bartender.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Locktaw
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2020
🚨︎ report
I got hit by a soda can in the head!

Luckily it was a soft drink.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
🚨︎ report
Which US state is famous for its extra small soft drinks?

Minnesota

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Dani_SF
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Why was Pavlov's hair soft?

Because he conditioned it

πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/philzard224
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2019
🚨︎ report
A giant list of puns from r/copypasta

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Why was Pavlov's hair so soft?

Because he conditioned it.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/WKBX
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2019
🚨︎ report
Why was Pavlov's hair so soft?

He conditioned it.

πŸ‘︎ 109
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Cyber_SpacePirate
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Why was Pavlov’s hair so soft?

Because he conditioned it.

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/YeahChristopher
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2020
🚨︎ report
I was assaulted with a can of soda

I'm lucky it was just a soft drink

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shiva8512
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
🚨︎ report
I had to quit my last job, all I did was test soft drinks

It was just soda grading

πŸ‘︎ 69
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Scamperillium
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2019
🚨︎ report
I was hit by some coca cola today...

...it didn't hurt because it was a soft drink.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Lazy-Potat
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Why was Pavlov's beard so soft?

Because he conditioned it.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2019
🚨︎ report

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