I'm on the couch playing video games when my dad walks in with a tape measure

About five feet away from me he stops and starts pushing the tape out to me. It gets closer and closer until it eventually smushes against my cheek.

I ask him "What are you doing?"

"I'm measuring your patience."

👍︎ 16k
💬︎
👤︎ u/caruano95
📅︎ Dec 29 2018
🚨︎ report
My mom got me last weekend.

I was building a shed at her cabin over the weekend and she came out to hold a ladder while a got on the roof. As I was climbing a bee flew in front of my face and I cringed. Another one of its bee buddies flew next to my hand and I yelled "ah! Two bees!" in a totally manly voice and hopped off the ladder.

My mom picked up a wood scrap near her and quickly smushed one of the bees on the shed. She then turned to me and said, "...or not two bees?"

God dammit

👍︎ 8
💬︎
📅︎ Jun 18 2015
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.