My neighbor claims his Golden Retriever dog can bring a ball back from half a mile away..
.. that seems a bit far-fetched to me.
What kind of case do you take to Circuit Court?
What do lawyers wear in court?
I want to open small knitting supply store called "itty bitty knitty committee"
An opera singer claims that he can heal people just by singing. What's his name?
My kid claimed the oldest person in the UK was 113 when they died
That's wrong, I've seen a gravestone beside the A1 of some guy that 164. Apparently he was called Miles and he was from London...
I got dishonourably discharged from the Navy yesterday for accidentally boarding a different vessel.
My dad claims he knows everything.
One day we took a drive to visit Aunt May but lost our way.
"Dad, do you know where we are…?"
"Off course"
A lot of people claim their wordplay to be unintentional
So i analyzed a small sample of jokes to see how many came about by design and no pun in ten did
Today the deli clerk tried ripping me off, claiming the domestic meat was really imported.
I told him it was phony bologna.
I met up with a woman that claimed she was a moviegoer.
She wasn't lying.
Halfway through our date she walked out of the cinema.
My friend claims the he accidentally glued himself to his autobiography, but I don’t believe him.
But that’s his story, and he’s sticking to it.
One night at the dinner table, the wife commented, 'When we were first married, you took the small piece of steak and gave me the larger.
Now you take the large one and leave me the smaller.
Don't love me anymore?'
'Nonsense, darling,' replied the husband, 'you just cook better now.'
My friend Jack claims he can communicate with vegetables.
What would you wear to court?
My grandfather was court-martialed from the navy when he fired on a friendly vessel
A friend of mine claimed he saw a Daihatsu stretch limo.
It turned out to be a big Charade.
Seems like a Bassless claim to me
My daughter claims her school is huanted and wanted to call the ghost busters.
I told her to call the cheerleading squad instead. Figured they might know the school spirit.
If you attached a small engine to your ear...
...it makes you an engineear.
What do felines use to represent them in court?
My small pepper needs a coat
Because he's just a little chili
A man who took an airline to court after losing his luggage...
I'm worried that the supreme court will lack empathy now that Ginsburg is gone.
Without her they're ruthless.
My friend claims he identifies as an ancient Greek harp-like stringed instrument.
Did you hear that the court overturned the alcohol levy on a technicality?
Apparently they did not like the syntax.
How do you calm a small child who likes astronomy?
A man walks into a tattoo parlour holding a small bird in his hands. The tattoo artist looks at him, confused.
The man asked, "Tit for tat?"
I accidentally swallowed a small gold nugget...
I accidentally swallowed a small gold nugget and dug through my feces to find it. My wife walked in and asked me what I was doing. I told her I was just mining my own business.
Dad: "You were ado...."
Daughter: "I was adopted?"
Dad: "You were adorable as a baby!"
Daughter: "Oh!!"
Dad: "That's why we adopted you. "
I was asked to test a new tea specifically formulated for small Australian Marsupials, and feedback on my thoughts.
Doctor: "Relax David, It's just a small surgery. Don't panic!!"
Me: "But my name isn't David."
Doctor: "I know, I'm David."
Water and Mud once took each other to court.
Today, a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool.
I gave him a glass of water.
My friend claims he works in a soap factory, adding a key ingredient to the process...
The zookeeper was depressed after the zoo got rid of its small whale exhibit.
There was no porpoise in her life anymore.
You can have a big lunch or a small lunch…
But a plant always has a light lunch.
Where do really small apples come from?
They have their pros and cons
Hey Dad, what is that black sticky stuff in the small jars called?
I don't know son, but your ma might.
Stolen from: Dad Jokes
One small Step for Humanity.
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