I walked into my house after slipping and falling in my garden...
My son noticed that I had brown all over my shorts.
Son: “What happened, dad?”
Me: “Well, son, I appear to have soiled myself.”
I tried to burn my friend a new arsehole by slipping chili peppers into his food, but things didn't go as planned when he switched dishes on me.
When you know two languages and words from both of them start slipping away from you... Byelingual
Our family went on a long hike, and our youngest son kept slipping and falling. My wife comforted him, saying, "Don't worry, honey, after we get through this snowy part it's all cake after that." "Don't believe a word she says," I interjected...
"There's no cake, it's all just rocks and dirt."
On seeing a video of a dude jumping on a table, slipping, and crashing to the ground
"You know what that's called? Parfloor"
One of my friends slipped in the bed of his truck and knocked himself out....
A Freudian slip is when you say one thing
If you slip and fall in your driveway...
What did the beaver say when it slipped on water?
Some of my pun-tastic Halloween costumes throughout the years: Reverse Cowgirl, Edgar Allan Ho, and Freudian Slip.
I was walking down the road and slipped on some dog shit
A lady came up behind me and slipped as well, I said I just did that, she slapped me and said use the toilet next time
I slipped on the ice today, and when I got up I had a craving for pasta,
Must've been Italian ice.
Today I slipped and fell while walking out to the car.
I was pissed. I was mad. I looked everywhere for the cause. But alas, it was my own asphalt.
Slipped on a pumpkin today
Did you hear about the Italian chef that slipped in the kitchen?
What kind of slippers does Aquaman wear around the house?
My daughter's teacher gave her a project to write the English alphabet on slips of paper. Unfortunately 25 letter slips got wrinkled on her way to school.
But atleast she has a smoothie
What do you call James Bond taking a bath?
My wife just complained that I've been in the garden all day tending to the herbs.
Apparently I have way too much thyme on my hands.
A pirate walk into a bar
The bartender comes to him and says 'you look different now, is anything wrong'
Pirate: 'Oh nothing'
'What about your leg, where did it go'
'I boarded a ship, slipped and it got eaten by a shark'
'What about the hook, where did the hand go'
'I lost it in a heated swordfight'
'Then how did you get the eyepatch'
'I was cleaning the deck and a bird pooped in it'
'That doesn't make any sense, how can you get an eyepatch from a bird pooping in your eye'
'It was my first day with the hook'
When I was a young boy, I was walking down a gravel road with my grandpa. I accidentally slipped and fell to the ground, cutting my knees. Grandpa gently bent down and began to clean the wound, removing the little pebbles now embedded in my skin as I cried...
I'd always heard adults talk about it, but I finally knew what they were talking about.
I'll never forget the pain of my first kid knee stones...
Such a classic and unoriginal, but my dad just slipped this in a conversation.
I had a cold and my dad asked if my nose was running.
I said yes.
He said, You had better catch it then
I love my dad
My wife just got on me about a pretty smelly fart that slipped out...
I told her it was important to do self checks for the loss of smell in the time of the pandemic.
Why did the banana forget to take out the garbage?
I was going to tell a butter joke
But the margarine for error was too big
I have a pair of slip-on sandals for housework and another pair of slip-on sandals for yardwork.
I refer to them as my In-slides and my Out-slides.
Last week I tried an all banana diet.
I didn’t find it very appealing.
A Norwegian fell down a canyon.
It was a Fjordian slip.
🍒🍓🍒
There’s many a slip twixt 'keeper and gully
LPT: If you accidentally drop ice cubes on the floor, quietly slip them under the refrigerator.
Soon it will be water under the fridge.
My neighbor slipped and broke his arm.
My wife didn’t think it was funny, but I thought it was quite humerus.
A man was walking along a stream..
... when he noticed that every shoot growing put of the ground was a four leaf shamrock. There were millions of them, spread out along both banks.
Being superstitious, the man assumed the place must be somehow imbued with an extraordinary amount of luck.
He sought out the owner of the land, and promptly bought it, spending everything he had to do so.
His plan was to build a small house at the site and thereby ensure he would be surrounded by good fortune for the rest of his life.
Sadly, while lifting smooth river stones to create the foundation of his dream home, he slipped on some mud, hit his head on a stone, was knocked unconscious, tumbled into the water, and drowned.
This conclusively proved to the townsfolk, that the location was not lucky at all.
The moral of this story?
Don't judge a brook by it's clover.
The banana peel forgot what it was doing on the floor.
Must’ve slipped its mind.
Did you hear the joke about butter?
Well , I'm not going to spread it.
Every morning on my way to work, I slip on the frozen newspaper on our front porch.
I’m fallen on some hard Times.
What happens when you slip a chicken a dollar?
I was running down the aisle to grab the last package of toilet paper, but I slipped and fell before someone else grabbed it.
You could say I completely wiped out.
When I was a kid, my parents would always say "Excuse my french" after a swear word.
I'll never forget that first day at school when the teacher asked did we know any French
A baby walrus slipped down an iceberg....
“tusssk tussssk tussssk” it’s mother said.
Bf slipped this under the bathroom door
I slipped on my wife's bra today...
Went to university in France, but slipped during winter.
I once slipped on a pickle.
I'm over it now but it was a big dill at the time.
I slipped on a bag of vegetables.
Did you hear about the banana that was found guilty?
He is currently appealing his case.
A Freudian slip is when you say one thing..
What did the beaver say when he slipped in water?
Freudian Slip:
When you say one thing, but mean your mother
A Freudian slip is when you say one thing....
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