What happened to the shoplifter that stole a calendar?
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︎ Jan 11 2021
Shoplifters
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︎ Mar 11 2020
Shoplifters
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︎ Mar 19 2020
There is a gang of shoplifters going through the city systematically stealing clothes in size order.
Police believe they are still at large.
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︎ Sep 06 2018
A shoplifter stole an entire case of red bull from my store
I donโt know how he sleeps at night
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︎ Jul 12 2019
Did you hear about the Irish shoplifter?
He was found dead under Sainsburyโs.
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︎ Nov 03 2017
2 bananas shopping in Walmart; first banana says โI dare you to shoplift that hamโ
Second banana says โno way, Iโm not doing that!โ
First banana says โwhy? You yellow?โ
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︎ Jun 28 2020
A child psychic who was arrested for shoplifting has escaped police custody.
It has been reported that a small medium is at large.
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︎ Feb 08 2020
Shoplifting is illegal, but that's whisk I'm willing to take
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︎ May 25 2019
My idiot friend was caught shoplifting from the bakery yesterday.
He has done stupid things before, but this one really takes the cake.
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︎ Oct 26 2019
A man was caught stealing at a supermarket today while standing on the shoulders of a couple of vampires
He was charged with shoplifting on two counts
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︎ Dec 02 2020
I shoplifted a sewing machine yesterday but Iโm really regretting it.
It just doesnโt seam right.
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︎ Dec 04 2019
Did you hear about the gang that was shoplifting melons?
I heard theyโre all convicted felons.
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︎ Nov 08 2019
My son asked me if I've ever been shoplifting.
I'm not that strong but I appreciated the compliment.
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︎ Sep 04 2019
If you are shoplifting a grocery store and hear the police, run!
Else you will get years for every bread you take
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︎ Aug 28 2019
What do you call a shoplifting dinosaur??
A crapithinkhesawrus ๐
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︎ Oct 04 2019
A man was recently arrested for shoplifting at my local supermarket whisky balanced on the shoulders of two vampires
He was charged with theft on two counts!
Edit - meant whilst not whisky!
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︎ Jun 03 2019
Mom told me to pickup the groceries
but I'm not a shoplifter.
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︎ Sep 25 2020
I saw a sign, it said: Let's put a stop to shoplifting TODAY.
"Ok," I thought. "One day shouldn't be too challenging."
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︎ Apr 24 2019
Did you hear about the man caught shoplifting kitchen utensils?
He was put in custardy. When asked he stated โit was a whisk worth taking.โ
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︎ May 20 2018
I'm going to shoplift from Williams Sonoma. Hope I don't get caught.
It's a whisk I'm willing to take.
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︎ Feb 23 2019
I can't believe I'm being arrested for shoplifting.
The cashier TOLD me to swipe the cardigan!
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︎ Aug 31 2018
My life has been full of priceless moments.
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︎ Jun 27 2020
Saw a sign that said โShoplifting can leave a person with a record and impact their life. โ
Dad: โThatโs only if you shoplift a record. โ
He laughed at himself for the next 3 minutes of our lives.
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︎ Sep 16 2017
My wife and I were arguing about who had the worse job
and as the owner of a pastry store, the shoplifters really took the cake.
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︎ Jan 01 2020
Why did the man steal the wig?
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︎ Nov 20 2018
(OC) I have tendancy to take things literally.
I just got out of jail for shoplifting.
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︎ Apr 20 2019
What kind of thief is the strongest?
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︎ Mar 24 2019
Dad jokes a criminal
My dad is a police officer and I was on a ride-along with him. He and his partner arrested a guy for shoplifting. As the perp, whose name is "Unique," is sitting in the back of the car, my dad walks up, looks at me smiling, and says to the suspect "how do you catch a unique criminal? Unique up on em!" He and his partner laughed and high-fived, then just shut the door.
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︎ Apr 06 2014
I picked up that new console my kids've been begging for on my way home from work today.
I put it down before leaving the store, though. Wouldn't want to get into the habit of shoplifting.
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︎ Jun 07 2018
At the kitchen utensil section of the grocery store:
Me: Iโm thinking of shoplifting.
Her: Are you crazy??
Me: Itโs a whisk Iโm willing to take.
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︎ Jan 13 2018
Overheard from a dressing room...
Woman: "Honey I'm going to run to the bathroom quick, don't go anywhere."
Man in dressing room: "Okay, but don't run. They'll think you're shoplifting!"
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︎ May 19 2014
There's a gang of shoplifters going across town systematically stealing clothes according to size.
Police say they're still at Large
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︎ Aug 15 2019
A man was caught stealing from a supermarket today while balanced on the shoulders of a couple of vampires;
He was charged with shoplifting on two counts.
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︎ Dec 02 2020
Shoplifting from Williams Sonoma is dangerous...
but it's a whisk I'm willing to take.
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︎ Nov 19 2017
A man was caught stealing in a supermarket today while balanced on the shoulders of a couple of vampires.
He was charged with shoplifting on two counts.
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︎ Jun 04 2019
A man was caught stealing in a supermarket today while balanced on the shoulders of a couple of vampires.
He was charged with shoplifting on two counts.
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︎ Nov 20 2015
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