There's a gang going through the shops in our town, systematically shoplifting clothes in size order.

The Police believe they’re still at large.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 13
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/cheifsup
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 17 2021
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A child psychic who was arrested for shoplifting has escaped police custody.

It has been reported that a small medium is at large.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 14
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Brucemoose1
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 08 2020
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Shoplifting is illegal, but that's whisk I'm willing to take
πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Jvarblow
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 25 2019
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My idiot friend was caught shoplifting from the bakery yesterday.

He has done stupid things before, but this one really takes the cake.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 21
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 26 2019
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My son asked me if I've ever been shoplifting.

I'm not that strong but I appreciated the compliment.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 19
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/orduk
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 04 2019
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Did you hear about the gang that was shoplifting melons?

I heard they’re all convicted felons.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/stor_e_teller
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 08 2019
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What do you call a shoplifting dinosaur??

A crapithinkhesawrus πŸ˜‚

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Dwayne81
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 04 2019
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If you are shoplifting a grocery store and hear the police, run!

Else you will get years for every bread you take

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/nicanor5
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 28 2019
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A man was recently arrested for shoplifting at my local supermarket whisky balanced on the shoulders of two vampires

He was charged with theft on two counts!

Edit - meant whilst not whisky!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/MJBGaming
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 03 2019
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Did you hear about the man caught shoplifting kitchen utensils?

He was put in custardy. When asked he stated β€œit was a whisk worth taking.”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/barstowtovegas
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 20 2018
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I saw a sign, it said: Let's put a stop to shoplifting TODAY.

"Ok," I thought. "One day shouldn't be too challenging."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 24 2019
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I can't believe I'm being arrested for shoplifting.

The cashier TOLD me to swipe the cardigan!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 17
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/markvark
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 31 2018
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Saw a sign that said β€œShoplifting can leave a person with a record and impact their life. β€œ

Dad: β€œThat’s only if you shoplift a record. β€œ

He laughed at himself for the next 3 minutes of our lives.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/lsurox22
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 16 2017
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What happened to the shoplifter that stole a calendar?

He got 12 months.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 18
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/SyncingShiip
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 11 2021
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Shoplifters
πŸ‘οΈŽ 38
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Tintorion
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 19 2020
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2 bananas shopping in Walmart; first banana says β€˜I dare you to shoplift that ham’

Second banana says β€˜no way, I’m not doing that!’ First banana says β€˜why? You yellow?’

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/bigpapastu
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 28 2020
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I shoplifted a sewing machine yesterday but I’m really regretting it.

It just doesn’t seam right.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Gear99
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 04 2019
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A shoplifter stole an entire case of red bull from my store

I don’t know how he sleeps at night

πŸ‘οΈŽ 92
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/theredditballer
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 12 2019
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I'm going to shoplift from Williams Sonoma. Hope I don't get caught.

It's a whisk I'm willing to take.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/KidDene
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 23 2019
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Did you hear about the Irish shoplifter?

He was found dead under Sainsbury’s.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Cleatus029
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 03 2017
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Mom told me to pickup the groceries

but I'm not a shoplifter.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ebatm3
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 25 2020
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My life has been full of priceless moments.

I'm a shoplifter.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 27 2020
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(OC) I have tendancy to take things literally.

I just got out of jail for shoplifting.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/YeahBut-I-Thought
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 20 2019
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My wife and I were arguing about who had the worse job

and as the owner of a pastry store, the shoplifters really took the cake.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 11
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/myothiuf
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 01 2020
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Why did the man steal the wig?

He didn’t want toupee

πŸ‘οΈŽ 19
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/pedroplaysguitar
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 20 2018
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Dad jokes a criminal

My dad is a police officer and I was on a ride-along with him. He and his partner arrested a guy for shoplifting. As the perp, whose name is "Unique," is sitting in the back of the car, my dad walks up, looks at me smiling, and says to the suspect "how do you catch a unique criminal? Unique up on em!" He and his partner laughed and high-fived, then just shut the door.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 236
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/PieterJohn
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 06 2014
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What kind of thief is the strongest?

A shoplifter.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ItsBatmang
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 24 2019
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I picked up that new console my kids've been begging for on my way home from work today.

I put it down before leaving the store, though. Wouldn't want to get into the habit of shoplifting.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 13
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/NotActuallyStudying
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 07 2018
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At the kitchen utensil section of the grocery store:

Me: I’m thinking of shoplifting.

Her: Are you crazy??

Me: It’s a whisk I’m willing to take.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 13 2018
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Overheard from a dressing room...

Woman: "Honey I'm going to run to the bathroom quick, don't go anywhere."

Man in dressing room: "Okay, but don't run. They'll think you're shoplifting!"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 31
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/BlanchCurVie
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 19 2014
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Shoplifting from Williams Sonoma is dangerous...

but it's a whisk I'm willing to take.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Twigsnapper
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 19 2017
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There is a gang of shoplifters going through the city systematically stealing clothes in size order.

Police believe they are still at large.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 118
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/JulianCrisp
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 06 2018
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There's a gang of shoplifters going across town systematically stealing clothes according to size.

Police say they're still at Large

πŸ‘οΈŽ 13
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/lostsharpie
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 15 2019
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A man was caught stealing at a supermarket today while standing on the shoulders of a couple of vampires

He was charged with shoplifting on two counts

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Hud_is_on
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 02 2020
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A man was caught stealing from a supermarket today while balanced on the shoulders of a couple of vampires;

He was charged with shoplifting on two counts.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 13
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/The_Russell_Pinto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 02 2020
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A man was caught stealing in a supermarket today while balanced on the shoulders of a couple of vampires.

He was charged with shoplifting on two counts.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 16
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Quint_Cordewener
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 04 2019
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A man was caught stealing in a supermarket today while balanced on the shoulders of a couple of vampires.

He was charged with shoplifting on two counts.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 20
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/BadBoyJH
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 20 2015
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