I call it the Goulashnikov.
You have died from dissin’ Terry
Pew pew
A terrierist.
I hear it's a semite automatic weapon.
I replied, “thanks, they were getting kind of dry.”
Rick O'Shea.
Now I have to read the trouble shooting section in the manual.
You are fired.
When he’s finished with his meal, he hops up onto the table, pulls out two Glock 45s and unloads both magazines, blasting everything in sight.
When the guns empty, he throws them down and starts walking towards the door. The bartender looks up from behind the bar and yells, “Hey! What the hell, man?”
The panda yells back at the bartender, "Hey, I'm a PANDA! Look it up!" The bartender opens his dictionary and sees the following definition for panda:
"A tree dwelling bear of Asian orgin, characterized by distinct black and white coloring. Eats bamboo shoots and leaves.”
Big deal. I have had a Canon printer for years.
My wife came storming in angrily, looked at us and shouted, 'Get down!'
I said, 'Follow the commander's orders, son. There might be an ambush.'
Panda walks into a restaurent & orders a sandiwch. After finishing the sandwich he gets up, pulls out a gun, shoots the waiter and turns to the manager and says ...'I am a Panda, look it up'!
Managers checks the dictonary that reads.. - 'Panda- Large mamal found in China, who eats shoots and leaves'!
Mangoes does favorite restaurant, finds himself a table and places his order with a waiter. While he is sitting there waiting for his food a large black and white bear like mammal stands up, wipes some crumbs from the corners of his mouth, pulls out a gun, and fires a few rounds into the ceiling and the back wall of the dining room. When the waiter comes with the man's meal the man asks him, "What was that about?" The waiter replies, "Oh, that? That was a panda. It's in their nature. Look it up." The man pulls his phone out and searches "panda" the definition reads, "Panda a large black and white bear like mammal. Eats shoots and leaves.
Disclaimer: I love this one but the bad punctuation element of it peeves me a bit.
She orders a salad, eats it, then draws a gun and fires it into the sky. Then walks away.
"WTF," said the waiter.
As the panda walks away, she shouts "I'm a panda....Look it up."
The waiter googles Panda and sees
Large black-and-white bear-like mammal, native to China. Eats, shoots and leaves.
A soldier shows up for military training, but realizes he forgot to bring his gun.
The sergeant hands him a stick and gestures to the training field.
“You’ll have to use this, soldier. If you need to shoot someone, just aim your stick at them and shout ‘Bangity bang-bang’. If someone gets too close to you, poke them in the gut with it as though it was a bayonet and shout ‘Stabbity stab-stab’. Now get moving.”
The soldier thinks this is pretty ridiculous, but to his surprise, when he aims his stick at a fellow trainee across the field and shouts “Bangity bang-bang!” the other soldier goes down in a theatrical display. Then, another trainee tries to run past him, so he pokes the guy in the ribs and shouts “Stabbity stab-stab!” and he too goes down, pretending to be dead.
So, the soldier starts running through the mock-battlefield, shouting “Bangity bang-bang” and occasionally “Stabbity-stab-stab”, until eventually he realizes he’s the last man standing.
He’s feeling pretty proud of himself until another soldier rounds a corner and starts walking toward him. Slowly. Stiffly. Menacingly.
The soldier takes aim with his stick and shouts, “Bangity-bang-bang!”
But the other soldier doesn’t go down this time. He keeps approaching, arms stiff at his sides, boots stomping aggressively into the ground.
The soldier begins to sweat. He clears his throat, adjusts grip on his stick and hollers, “Bangity bang-bang!” But nothing happens. The other soldier keeps marching toward him.
Now the soldier panics. He pretends to reload his stick and desperately cries out, “Bangity bang-bang! Bangity bang-bang! Stabbity stab-stab!” But to his dismay, nothing works.
Finally, the other soldier reaches him, kicks him in the shin and knocks him onto the ground.
He stands over the fallen soldier and says: “Tankity tank-tank.”....
Now I have to read the trouble shooting section in the manual.
But I was immediately fired.
They have troubleshooting.
Edit: Wow! This really took off! I'm happy to have inspired so many grins, cringes, and chuckles!
Shoot it with a BLUE elephant gun. How do you kill a PINK elephant? . . . . Hold it's nose until it turns blue then shoot it with a BLUE elephant gun.
The suspect used a starting pistol.
They say it was race related
How do you kill a blue elephant? (How?) With a blue elephant gun.
How you you kill a pink elephant? (With a pink elephant gun?) No, you hold its trunk til it turns blue then shoot it with the blue elephant gun
Why do elephants paint their toenails red? (No clue...?) So they can hide in cherry trees
Have you ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree? (Of course not) Then clearly it works
You could call this a faux pas. Shoots finger guns
sits down and orders bamboo. Once he finishes his meal he stands up, pulls two guns from his furry pockets and shoots up at the ceiling not harming anyone. He then drops the guns and walks out. Confused, his waiter runs after him and yells, "Hey bear! What was that all about??!!". The panda says "Look me up." Confused, the waiter looks up "panda" and reads, "A bear that eats bamboo, shoots, and leaves."
All of a sudden, his friend pulls out a gun and shoots him. As the Australian is bleeding out on the ground, he rasps, “good aim, mate.”
A police officer walks into a tattoo parlor, hoping to get something cool drawn onto his shoulder. He walks up to the artist and shows him a picture of what he wants. In large text on a ribbon it says, "Protect and Serve." Below it, is a picture of a a badge, a pair of handcuffs, and a pistol. The tattoo artist is very good at his job, and says he can get this done in one session, so the officer sits down and the artist gets started. A few hours later, the artist is just finishing up, inking the last details of his service weapon. Once the last line is inked on the trigger, the cop gets up from his chair and looks in the mirror to see his new tattoo. His face twists into a look of shock and terror, pulls out his gun and opens fire onto the tattoo artist, killing him in the process. He gets on his radio, calling for backup, and took a defensive position until a few more cops and the police chief showed to the parlor minutes later. The chief, while examining the scene asks the officer, "What the hell? Why did you shoot this guy?" The cop says, "What did you expect me to do? The guy drew a gun on me!"
... "Give me a whiskey and... Koka-Koala"
"why the big pause?" Asks the bartender.
The bear shrugs. "I'm not sure; I was born with them"
The bear's friend, a panda, walks into the bar. He eats a sandwich, shoots a gun and leaves.
"He always eats, shoots and leaves when he comes to my bar! I still don't know why!" The bartender exclaims.
My friend said he wanted the squirt gun that shoots jelly from the island of misfit toys. I told him it would probably jam a lot and asked him if it was standard issue for the US Army Preserves.
I went to a gun show last weekend, and they were interviewing the NRA chairman on some new gun laws. They wanted to get people excited, so they shot t-shirts out into the audience with a t-shirt gun. They wanted to shoot money instead, but they were told they couldn’t use the money gun; it was a Cash .22.
My son is 5. He was cutting out paper and put it in the shape of a (very crude) gun.
"Dad, what kind of gun does this look like?"
I dunno son - it kind of looks like a hand gun.
Son: "A gun that shoots out hands?"
..........he got me.
A panda walks into a bar, orders his food, eats it, but when the waiter comes to bring him his check, he pulls out a gun, shoots him, and walks out the door. The next day the panda does the same thing, same bar. The third day the manager is standing at the entrance and says, "What are you doing here? You shot two of my waiters! I'm gonna call the cops on you!" The panda says, "No wait! I just did what I'm supposed to!" The manager looks at him like WTF? But the panda says, "No listen." So he pulls out a dictionary, and it says, "Panda: Eats, shoots, and leaves."
I had to read the trouble shooting section in the manual
Now I have to read the trouble shooting section in the manual.
I’ve had a Canon printer for years.
Twist its trunk until it turns blue, then shoot it with a blue elephant gun
How do you kill a blue elephant?
You shoot it with a blue elephant gun
How do you kill a red elephant?
You hold its nose til it turns blue the. Shoot it with a blue elephant gun.
Shoot it with a blue elephant gun. How do you kill a pink elephant? Squeeze it’s trunk until it turns blue, and then shoot it with a blue elephant gun.
