0mg?! You gotta be sheeting me Doc!
"Gloria in Excel sheets Deo"
Scientists have discovered what is believed to be the world's largest bed sheet.
More on this story, as it unfolds.
When my wife found me playing with my son’s train set, I was so embarrassed that I threw a bedsheet over it.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
My wife traumatically ripped the blankets off me last night
My 6 year old daughter set up a party and led me to the registration sheet. It said "Sine here". Now I am wondering if there is another sheet that says "Cosine there".
Sorry for going on a tangent
What do you call a paper airplane that can't fly?
My uncle's friend won the Olympic gold with an epee made from a disposable thin metal sheet often used in cooking...
It was a good aluminum foil
My printer was making music so I checked it out.
A midget escaped from prison by using bed sheets tied together and scaled down the outside wall. He left a note detailing his escape plan, highlighting the prison guards stupidity and incompetence.
The Warden said "he's a little condescending"
I started a band called "Blanket"
What room do ghosts avoid?
Did I tell you that I excel between the sheets?
Why do accountants always start drama at work?
Because they love to spread sheet!
Gloria in Excel sheets Deo
Steel yourself for this one
I told me son he was a big pile of sheet
It was more of a blanket statement.
Have You Ever Tried to Fold a Fitted Sheet?
Did you hear about the sheet factory?
I bought a discount bed sheet off of Facebook.
Turned out to be a sham...
I wanted to try a different method when putting sheets on my bed
But I just made it up as I went along.
Why didn’t the monster laugh at the ghosts joke?
Because he was full of sheet.
I asked my dad why his ghost costume smells so bad.
He told me it was because he was covered in sheet.
I had an employee at the hotel that ironed the bed sheets. I noticed that as the days wore on, the number of sheets ironed was going down.
Her job performance was de-creasing.
Double pun : What did the pizza say to the paper?
My girlfriend said that quilts are better than duvets..
I told her she should be careful making blanket statements like that.
Someone keeps putting very thin sheet metal around my garden...
They keep foiling my plot!
I just want to wear a sheet out in public
Couldn't believe I got funding for my new bedding and rope project.
Wow I was a wreck last night -- t-shirt under sweat clothes, under two cotton sheets, under a polypropylene comforter, and a quilt on top of that! I could NOT get warm!
I can't imagine how miserable I'd be if I didn't have that can of Pringles in the cupboard....
Why did the French Halloween ghost costume smell so bad?
Because it was made of old sheet.
Our toddler woke us up, ripping the sheet off our bed last night...
... it’s ok but, we recovered.
2 metal workers got married....
It was a beautiful welding.
What happened when the ghost asked for a whiskey at his local bar?
The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve spirits here."
Did you hear the joke about a sheet of paper?
I watched an interesting documentary about how to fasten two sheets of metal together.
My pet viper swallowed a sheet of window glass causing the snake severe physical discomfort.
It was a real pane in the asp.
I'm way, way too proud of my company's April Fool's bit: YOUcalyptus™, a brand new brand by Sheets & Giggles™
imgur.com/gallery/JolTuiG
Why don’t monsters eat ghosts?
Because they taste like sheet
The world tongue-twister champion just got arrested.
I hear they're gonna give him a really tough sentence.
Me and my friends are in a band called Duvet...
Why don't monsters eat ghosts?
Because they taste like sheet..
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