Did you hear about the medieval siege where the attackers ran out of ammunition? So, they loaded a severed peasant’s head onto a trebuchet and fired it. By sheer luck, it hit the Duke’s son and knocked him off the battle field.

Yeah, apparently it was the first ever serf face to heir missile.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2021
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I had a sheer hope that they’ll get it
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πŸ‘€︎ u/useralreadydead
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2021
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I’ve been trying to solve a complicated maths question to take my mind off my constipation. Today, using only a pencil and sheer determination...

I finally worked it out.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ‘€︎ u/Dongwaffler
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2020
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I can't believe the sheer number of people who do not understand erectile dysfunction...

It's not that hard!

πŸ‘︎ 45
πŸ‘€︎ u/kdryan1
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2020
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When my Himalayan friend told his son to go sheer a yak's fur, the son replied...


πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ‘€︎ u/-taco-rice-
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2020
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The sheer number of drunk people walking away from bars every night must be staggering
πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ‘€︎ u/thoawaydatrash
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2017
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I play with scissors just for the sheer fun of it
πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ‘€︎ u/JoshPlaysUltimate
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2017
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Three boys go into a haunted house. One brought a knife, one brought a gun and one brought some cough drops

They crept in. It was pitch black and stone quiet. They were suddenly starting to regret this dare. Stupidly, only one brought a flash light. The aggressive darkness and inky black yielded with grudging compliance but always seeming to push back. They moved cautiously onward amid the dust and cobwebs. The floor creaked. They breathed in tight, quick breaths. You could hear a pin drop.

Suddenly, there was a deep moan. "OOOOOOOOUUUUU". It seemed from below them. The house had been abandoned for years. Who or what could make such a sound? The boys looked at each other, but continued on, hearts pounding in their chests.

As they proceeded into the kitchen they encountered a swarm of flies. Buzzing and beating their necks and faces, they rushed and stumbled to the door, not stopping to see what they were truly feasting on. They slammed the door behind them. Maybe a body? But no way were they going back to find out. And again came the sound, "ooooOOOOOooooOOUUU" but louder this time, and closer.

They proceeded through the dark into the dining room. They saw a fully set dining table covered in cob webs. Dust-covered regal-looking glasses, goblets and silverware adorned the table. Spiders climbed on ivory plates. Clearly a house of privilege and set for a grand feast which never happened.

Or, perhaps, met a fatal end?

They pushed on. But again that unearthly howl.


They found the basement staircase, and from below, the sounds seemed to be emanating. Could they proceed? Would they? Did they dare? Two of the boys looked at each other, faces filled with worry.

But the third said, confidently, "We're going down there." Not wanting to seem the weaker, the other two boys steeled themselves and nodded.

The stairs creaked and groaned evily under their feet. The rickety banister shook in angry defiance. Insects and vermin scattered underneath them with every step. They were descending into hell, they knew, but none would turn back.

And the sound: "oOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUuuuuUUOOOO". Now loud enough to fill not only their heads but seeming to claw at their very souls!

Now at the basement door! The antique, crying squeak of the hinges eeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEee made the boys wince and almost cover their ears. But they had to know. WHAT is making that horrible, terrible sound?


In the center of the basement lay an unholy coffin! A twisted artistic expression of murder, decay and

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 12k
πŸ‘€︎ u/billbixbyakahulk
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2020
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How does a hairdresser stop themselves from cutting their own hair?

By sheer will.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
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A new study reveals that listening to a Queen album might be bad for your health.

Because of the unusually high Mercury content.

πŸ‘︎ 5k
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2018
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I've haddock up to here with fish puns.

People just say them for the sheer halibut.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ‘€︎ u/xholdsteadyx
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2020
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Scissors cannot be trusted

They always cut corners

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ‘€︎ u/ThackerOpinions
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2020
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The best way to get dad joked:

I know it's been done before, and many a dad before me and many a dad after me will get to experience this, but in these dark times this was a ray of light that pierced me right to the core with joy.

I came home, and my bright and bubbly ballerina 6 year old runs up and says can I have a hug!?

She asks very tentatively because she knows I have been out all day and the routine is for me to grab a shower (COVID) before I let them get all over me.

So I say, not yet I'm dirty.

She says awww... then she turns to walk away, but then spins back around and looks at me dead in the eye and says:

Hi! um...

wait a sec,

um, I know um,

um, wait.... dir...

[Face beams the biggest smile of accomplishment]

Hi Dirty! I'm [daughter]!

I know we have those proud moments when they turn, but man her delivery, the awkwardness, and the sheer pride she beamed out when she realized she just pulled the reverse dad joke on me...

It's not the getting reverse dad'd, it's the joy and pride she had... she could have just graduated college, and that's how big her beaming smile was right then...

It's a memory I am going to keep and it really lit up this dark time.

πŸ‘︎ 50
πŸ‘€︎ u/leyline
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2020
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My girlfriend wore a negligee as she went climbing the cliff...

It was sheer.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2020
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The creator of the hokey pokey died from the coronavirus.

Only his closest family was at the funeral but they live streamed it on Zoom. Some degenerate hacked the feed and starting playing the hokey pokey audio and he kept putting his left foot in and out of the coffin. His family was initially horrified at the hack but later was able to laugh a little, out of the sheer ridiculousness of the situation. They learned to live in the moment and remember the good moments of life, and that’s what it’s all about.

clap clap

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2020
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I get really strong after shaving the wool off of my sheep, William.

It's my sheer Will power.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ‘€︎ u/rapidwave
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2020
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I read about one famous detective. Man was always catching criminals by simple luck. Either he would just luckily stumble across damning evidence or luckily catch the criminal in the act.

I think his name was Sheer luck Holmes

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ‘€︎ u/clahws
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2019
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Why do sheep want to get rid of their wool

For the sheer fun of it

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ‘€︎ u/antek_kotlet
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2018
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Dad pulled this one last night.

My mom: Explain to me how Will Smith look the same as he did in 1989?

Dad: Maybe it's just sheer Will-Power.

Laughter ensued for the rest of the night. Goddammit dad.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/UsaRoxAll
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2014
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So I was clipping the sheep today and I slipped and cut him

He was in sheer pain...

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ‘€︎ u/TomCustomRc
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2018
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Dad joked my Electrical Engineering TA.

My TA and someone were talking about a bunch of electronics stuff, and then then got to transformers, and I told the TA, "I tried to start studying transformers, and it looked easy at first, but it turns out they're more than meets the eye."

He started to explain why transformers could be difficult and then once he realized the pun his expression changed to sheer disappointment in both me and himself.

πŸ‘︎ 60
πŸ‘€︎ u/deathbutton1
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2014
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The quintessential dad joke

"If Pete & RePete were walking down the street and Pete fell into a hole, who's left?"

I can remember that joke having me in hysterics as a kid...the sheer frustration....

Edit: a word

πŸ‘︎ 37
πŸ‘€︎ u/cehenley
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2013
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Why did Mr. Smith auditioned for fresh prince?

By sheer Will power

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ‘€︎ u/aparks1437
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2018
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So my dad joked my mum...

My dad is a night owl and my mum is an early bird, meaning he has a good few hours to plot and scheme his dadjokes...

Well the other evening, he decided to scare the living daylights out of my mum by drawing a face on a melon, stuffing it in a hoodie with rubber-gloves, shoes and jeans and posed it in our morning room.

Now my mum gets up real early, and walks around the house in a grumpy daze, grumbling, scratching and squinting and whatnot with a grim face looking for something to nag about, so you can imagine the sheer pride he (probably) felt wrapped up in bed with that dumb dadjoke grin from his "Hilarious prank", to hear a loud "AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" coming from across the hall.

Needless to say i'm pretty sure she found something to nag about that morning.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jacquamarine
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2014
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My tenth grade history teacher was definitely a Dad.

It was the end of class. Before dismissing us, he informs us that we won't be having class the next day and will instead be going to the gymnasium for an assembly. When the bell rang, as everyone was leaving class, I went to his desk and asked what the assembly was supposed to be about. His Response:

"I'm just a mushroom." ...awkward pause, stare... "I live in the dark and people drop crap on me."

I wasn't really sure how to react to that. With a confused look on my face, I just turned around and walked out the door. I'm still not sure if that was a dad joke or the musings of a bitter old man. Maybe both. I don't know, it just seems like it belongs here, if only for the sheer awkwardness of it.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ‘€︎ u/thenfreak
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2013
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