What do you call a security guard at a swimming pool?
What do you call Security at Samsung?
The Guardians of the Galaxy.
Hey Kids, wanta hear a dadjoke about Social Security?
Ah, nevermind, you probably won't get it anyways?
What’s a mummy’s favorite type of investment security?
A photon is going through airport security, when the security guard asks if he has any luggage.
The photon replies "No, I'm travelling light."
What do you call a security guard for a trampoline?
What do you call somebody who eats people slowly?
Security professionals advise to never use ‘beef stew’ as a password
I always have heavy security at my far-left political rallies...
No one should ever have unprotected sects.
They’ve upgraded the security to hall monitors
My boss told me as a security guard its my job to watch the office.
I am on season 6 so far, but not sure what it has got to do with security.
I bought a secured warehouse where I keep appliances to clean pots, pans, plates, and silverware.
I married my home for security reasons
I was recently promoted on the supermarket security team to look out for people taking 11 items through the "10 items or less" checkout...
I am now a counter-terrorism officer.
"You didn't secure the trailer properly????have you lost your marbles?!" "Why, yes. Yes I have"
My neighbor sells home security systems, he's pretty good at it too.
If nobody's home, he just leaves a brochure on the kitchen table
I had a job selling Front Door Security devices...
but I got fired because I’m not really a PEEPHOLE person.
Why is Scotland, one of the most secure countries in the world?
They have the biggest Lochs
I almost brought a screwdriver to the football game, but was stopped by security
They said that match-fixing isn't allowed.
A guy with flame tattoo sleeves walks into a building. Security stops him and says,
There are no firearms allowed in this building.
I have two dogs, Security & Shin...
... they’re my guard dogs 🐕
I met the world’s greatest security guard the other day. When I asked him the secret, he said it was all in his name.
What do you call a Samsung store’s security guard
A guardian of the Galaxy
Credit:u/eatsleeprepeat101_
I work in security, and i want to get a pumpkin for my desk
It shall be a security gourd
I tried to sneak into a Star Trek convention disguised as a Doctor.
The security guard suspected I was not the Real McCoy.
Http is missing the s for secure.
Did you hear about the Goth computer security specialist?
He was hackin' in a coffin.
Okay so recently I sued a airport about luggage security
I called my boss to tell her I couldn’t get the security system to arm as I locked up the office tonight
What does Trump's security tell him when he is attacked?
I secured funding to build the new city airport
Things are starting to take off around here
My neighbor installed a security system in his porch that launches intruders into the air, and I could tell he was very happy about it.
There was a spring in his step.
Years ago at my first IT startup we thought we'd caught a big break when we were asked to set up the campus network at a major college. However, the project eventually fell through when they failed to secure the necessary funding.
I still think about it sometimes - the WAN that got away.
I used to break into secure servers
But now I just can't hack it.
Airport Security yelled at me today
They said I was in plane sight
Son: Dad, can you help me secure this with a string?
Somebody kidnapped a Sister from our local convent because there was no security.
Security Guard: You can’t bring outside food in here.
Me: it’s a service burrito.
Secret security
The secret service isn't allowed to yell "get down" at the president anymore..
They should yell "Donald, duck!"
Mental health hotline.
Hello, welcome to the mental health hotline.
If you have obsessive compulsive disorder, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are codependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personality syndrome, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
If you suffer from paranoid schizophrenia, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mothership.
If you are hearing voices, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are manic depressive, it doesn't matter which button you press. No one will answer anyway.
If you are dyslexic, press 96969696969696.
If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the pound button until a representative comes on the line.
If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother's and grandmother's maiden names.
If you have post traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 911.
If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after the beep. Or before the beep. Or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
If you have short term memory loss, please try you call again in a few minutes.
If you have low self esteem, please hang up. All our representatives are busy.
If you work security at Samsung
Does that make you a guardian of the Galaxy.
My kid was in stitches when he told us this one.
This just speaks for itself
Why Did the Raisin Farmer Secure a $100k Loan to His Most Productive Raisin Grape Tree?
Because it was his "raisin debt tree" (use French accent).
Why did the poet hire a security guard?
He didn't want his metaphors to be taken literally.
Are the security guards at rubber ball factories
Someone should start a line of houses with state-of-the-art security systems
Call it "Sure-Lock Homes".
I hear that Samsung are employing security guards at all their stores now...
...does this make them...Guardians of the Galaxy?
:D
Hotter half shared that with me the other day. We're trying to build up our dad joke repertoire with a recently arrived bub.
EDIT: for removal of apostrophe
What do you call a coffee bean security guard?
I'm going to start a company that builds houses with the best security systems on the doors and windows.
I will call it, "Sure-lock Homes".
I lost my wallet couple days ago and had to go through security at work
The secuity woman asked "how do you spell your last name?"
So I replied Y-O-U-R-L-A-S-T-N-A-M-E.
She typed it into the system and was about to submit it when she noticed. She was so mad.
I was trying to take my emotional support penguin on an aeroplane, but I was stopped by security.
They said, “Sorry. Penguins can’t fly.”
The National Security Agency has intercepted a series of credible threats against Santa.
They have asked for help from the Department of Ho Ho Homeland security.
My Dad drops this gem going through airport security.
Airport Security: Do you have anything sharp on you?
Dad: Yes, my brain.
I don’t even like puns...
Security at Los Angeles International Airport was very chill
What is the favourite toothpaste of the security guards of a mining company?
NEWS reporter “Australian border security caught teens trying to import 400 million dollars worth of ice”
Dad “if I knew ice was worth that much I’d put more in the fridge”
As a father, is it okay for me to refer to the plastic threaded flange which secures the silicone nipple onto the plastic baby formula bottle as the
The guy at the airport security asked me if I’ve seen anything unusual.
I said, “Yes. I just paid $20 for a cheese sandwich.”
If you happen to find beaver obstructions inside a secure safe, let me know.
What did the security guard dog say to the drunk fan at the football stadium?
“Sir, if you want to get ruff, we can take this to the barking lot.”
What do you call Samsung’s security team?
What do you call the security guards at the Samsung store?
What do you call the security at a Samsung factory.
What do you call a security guard at a samsung store
My boss told me as a security guard its my job to watch the office
I'm on season 6 so far, but not sure what its got to do with security.
Do you know what they call the security guards at Samsung?
What do you call the security guards outside a Samsung factory?
What do you call the security outside of a Samsung Store?
What do you call the security at Samsung?
The Guardians of the Galaxy
What do you call the security outside of a Samsung Store?
>!Guardians of the Galaxy.!<
What do you call security guards working outside Samsung shops?
Boss told me that as a security guard, it’s my job to watch the office
I’m on season 6 and I’m not really sure what this show has to do with security
What do you call the security guards outside a Samsung store!
What do you call a security guard at Samsung?
If there are security guards outside of a Samsung store does that mean they are
What do you call the security guards outside samsung store?
What do you call the security guards at the Samsung store
What's a security guard called at the Samsung store?
If I’m a security guard at Samsung
Does that make me one of the Guardians of the Galaxy?
What do you call security guards at a Samsung store?
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
