What did the father Buffalo say to his boy when dropping him off for school?
Did you hear about the Egyptian children raising money for their school?
Apparently they needed to buy Anubis.
My wife and daughters were getting ready for the school year, putting together class equipment and ask “Do we have a ruler?”
From another room I exclaim “I suppose the queen? But next Prince William”.
The groans were audible!
At least I know who is responsible for all these drugs in schools…
Today in class, one of my students volunteered to sharpen my entire class set of colored pencils. When he was done, he spent several minutes trying to convince me that sharpening pencils should be his job for the rest of the school year.
I have to admit, he made some good points…
How did the School for the Deaf attract good teaching candidates?
My school friend who I’ve known for 30 years was so happy last night because he was able to achieve his goal of only eating almonds during 2021
The lead singer of Nickelback tried out for his school Christmas play.....
But he never made it as a wise man
I’m the headmaster at Richards school for boys
Guess you could say I’m the dickhead
What's the best school for learning to build country roads?
Tulane.
What's the best school for learning to cross wide rivers?
Fordham.
What's the best school for learning how to make onigiri?
Rice.
What did the Indian boy say to his mother as he left for school?
Remember that show from the 70’s about the guy who quit martial arts for 17 years then went back to Brooklyn to teach karate to high school kids?
It was called “Welcome Back Kata”
There’s a ceramics school for hippies that’s named after a wild African pig.
.
It’s called the Warthogs School for Hairy Potters.
I (Australian dad) have been playing chess remotely against my primary school pen-pal (from Czech Republic) for almost 2 decades. I finally beat him yesterday!
In high school, I was famous for writing my name in cursive.
That was my signature move.
My friends at school said that if you sit on your hand for a while, it feels like somebody else is doing it.
But it still feels like I'm sitting on my hand.
My 11 y.o. son getting ready for school: Why do you always keep your snowman happy?
So he doesn't have a meltdown.
My Daughter said that she needs a protractor for school...
My Daughter said that she needs a protractor for school.
I was a little uncomfortable with that, as we have historically been an anti-tractor family.
Eventually, I ended up buying her an amateur-tractor, since it was considerably cheaper.
Just wondering, do you think it's alright for me to start drinking as soon as the kids are in school..
..or am I just a terrible Teacher ?
My mom played the clarinet in high school. She mentioned she wanted to play again, but doesn't have the money to waste on it. I ordered one for her birthday and left her a subtle clue.
I suggested my son wear a hi-hat for hat day at school but he said no.
Apparently he's not into cymbalism.
A student was writing a paper for school and kept mixing up the words "burro" and "burrow"
The teacher told him "you don't know your ass from a hole in the ground"
While shopping for school supplies I came across a pen that can write underwater.
It can write other words as well.
My kids came out of school and told my partner they have made cards for her for Mother's Day. I asked for a card, but they said I had to wait until Father's Day. I told my boy I had made a card for him, and he could have it the day after tomorrow,
Someone went to journalism school for this
If I was a smart but unscrupulous high school student, I would start a business doing other kids' homework for a nominal fee.
The name of the business?
"Nerdy deeds, done dirt cheap"
My first gig out of school was directing a TV ad for tampons.
The first day of school, I signed up for English, Math, Science, and Geography.
The rest, as they say, is History.
For anyone that's not 'overall' the details for school
For all the time they spend in a school, you'd think that fish are really smart.
But it turns out, they're all below C level.
My school gym has a certain area set aside for people who like to be in the thick of things...
Just got an epic eye roll for this: My son was showing me his school work from math, where he was learning fractions. I pointed to where he wrote his name on a line at the top and asked what that fraction was.
I told him it should be {Sons Name} / Mommy. Since he came from her.
Then I said he could reduce that fraction further since he came from his mommy, that fraction would equal....
One Whole
“My fifth grade teacher started the first day of school by expressing her doubts and apprehension for the year ahead.”
“Oh, that’s awful. Who was that?”
“Miss Givings.”
I wrote a card for my friend who just graduated high school and wants to study geology and/or paleontology in college. She also likes puns :)
When my kid graduates high school I want him to go to Indiana for college.
Then I can have a “Hoosier Daddy” bumper sticker.
It took me months to forgive my science teacher for wearing this to school.
A nominee for director of the math department at my school was caught having an affair with her student...
I went shopping for my son’s back to school clothes. We went over the list when I got back home.
Shirts? Yup.
Pants? Yup.
Sweatpants? Yup.
Nikes? CHECK!
Edit: Grammar
This one little boy in about 4th or 5th grade was trying out for a school play. He earned a part and went home to tell his father.
His father was really proud of him. So his father asks what part did you get?
He replies I got the part of a man who has been married for 25 years.
His father congratulated him. And then he said “That’s good son, maybe next time you’ll get a talking role!”
Every morning when I am done getting my 2 year old ready for school I call her a Canadian potato chip.
Because she’s all dressed.
Why did the man get sent back to his home country for following his high school girlfriends life rules?
I still don't understand why I got in trouble in high school for turning in my Biology lab notebook with a turd in it.
The teacher told us specifically to keep a log in our notebook!
I was thrown out of music school for plagiarism.
They thought I was stealing songs, but I was just taking notes.
My teen daughter was sent home from school for covid exposure.....
The vote for better slides on school playgrounds is on the ballot this year.
Unfortunately, I live in a swing state.
I need help coming up with “bear” puns for a school project
Trying to think these up has been unbearable
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