My son trained really hard for his school's field day.
But it got canceled due to rain, so he only got a precipitation trophy.
At least I know who is responsible for all these drugs in schools…
A funeral home got busted for raffling dead bodies off to med schools.
Police said it was a dead giveaway.
Regular fish get educated in schools, but where do sharks go for education?
Ok this requires a bit of context. In Norwegian, shark translates to hai.
The answer is therefore:
Sharks go to Hai-Schools!
This is quite a classic, in norwegian, but as we don’t call groups of fish schools, i found this joke works for both languages! Hope you enjoyed!
Schools for Ants
What policy means that ant schools are forced to expel their most promising basketball players?
"Zero taller-ants"
I heard that they used to have a special name for those who completed a degree at Culinary Schools...
At my oldest son's virtual school, they asked parents to volunteer and do 'virtual field trips' for the kids. As an Entomologist (the study of insects), I jumped at the opportunity to join their Zoom class one afternoon and talk with the kids for 30 mins. I told the kids that...
almost all of the ants you see are female! True story for bees as well!
Then a kid did the hand raise thing on Zoom and asked a question. "How do you know that they're all girl ants?"
That's a great question!
Here's the scientific process... You get a bug bucket and fill it with room temperature tap water. You carefully get an ant on a 5mm wooden dowel (stick) and lower the dowel into the water. The ant will instinctively separate from the dowel to take advantage of the waters surface tension. If the ant sinks, it's a girl ant. If it floats...
I’m done paying for my kids private school
They won’t even tell me where it is!
A little insect got in trouble for ditching school to go to a picnic.
Do you think that it's ok for me to start drinking as soon as the kids are in school?
Or am I just a really bad Teacher..?
As I was dropping my son off on his first day of school, he worriedly looked at me and asked, “How long do I have to go to school for?” Smiling, I responded, “Until you’re 18 buddy!" He nodded, thought about it for a bit and said...
“Dad, you will remember to come and get me when I’m 18, won’t you?”
Students at a high school in Georgia were suspended for posting photographs of their crowded hallways.
The administration was worried about the wrong thing going viral.
My wife yelled at me for telling our son too many dad jokes after he got in trouble at school.
I agreed and said that was enough pun-ishment for now.
My city just built the most beautiful and largest school for the blind in the world.
You have to feel it to believe it
My teacher said we were going to Bangkok for a school trip
But I said "Sex Ed isn't till next week!"
I met the school bully whilst in the queue for the cafeteria today. it was ok but, the teacher said we could not fight here.
My cousin went to technical school for electronics then completed culinary school. His job is very specialized .
He’s a TV Dinner Repairman
Heres a poem for the last day of school
Don't be sad that school has passed, just be glad they passed your ass.
What did the daddy buffalo say to his son before he left for school?
For a school play, my son accidentally applied a fake mustache with super glue...
...
...
...
I told him to keep a stiff upper lip
My fish is failing school for the third time in a row
I told my teachers that my dad was in the hospital to avoid school for a whole week.
A judge is hurriedly trying to get his kids ready for school when he finds his son taking a nap under the breakfast table
"Son, you're grounded for perjury", he says, " for you've been caught lying under oats"
Did you hear about the Egyptian children raising money for their school?
Apparently they needed to buy Anubis.
Little Johnny thought he had a great idea for how he could stay home from school . . .
He decided he would fake being an ant, instead of a kid—and ants don't have to go to school!
It might have worked, if he hadn't run afoul of that true-ant officer . . .
What did the father Buffalo say to his boy when dropping him off for school?
How did the School for the Deaf attract good teaching candidates?
Wife is waxing daughter's eyebrows for school photos. Suddenly a yelp
Wife: Did you hear something?
Me: I don't know but daughter looks surprised!
My wife and daughters were getting ready for the school year, putting together class equipment and ask “Do we have a ruler?”
From another room I exclaim “I suppose the queen? But next Prince William”.
The groans were audible!
The lead singer of Nickelback tried out for his school Christmas play.....
But he never made it as a wise man
Today in class, one of my students volunteered to sharpen my entire class set of colored pencils. When he was done, he spent several minutes trying to convince me that sharpening pencils should be his job for the rest of the school year.
I have to admit, he made some good points…
My mom played the clarinet in high school. She mentioned she wanted to play again, but doesn't have the money to waste on it. I ordered one for her birthday and left her a subtle clue.
I (Australian dad) have been playing chess remotely against my primary school pen-pal (from Czech Republic) for almost 2 decades. I finally beat him yesterday!
My school friend who I’ve known for 30 years was so happy last night because he was able to achieve his goal of only eating almonds during 2021
In high school, I was famous for writing my name in cursive.
That was my signature move.
I’m the headmaster at Richards school for boys
Guess you could say I’m the dickhead
What's the best school for learning to build country roads?
Tulane.
What's the best school for learning to cross wide rivers?
Fordham.
What's the best school for learning how to make onigiri?
Rice.
My 11 y.o. son getting ready for school: Why do you always keep your snowman happy?
So he doesn't have a meltdown.
Remember that show from the 70’s about the guy who quit martial arts for 17 years then went back to Brooklyn to teach karate to high school kids?
It was called “Welcome Back Kata”
What did the Indian boy say to his mother as he left for school?
Someone went to journalism school for this
What did the bison say when his son left for school?
Have a good day at school, son.
What did the Buffalo say to his son when he left for school?
Just wondering, do you think it's alright for me to start drinking as soon as the kids are in school..
..or am I just a terrible Teacher ?
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