While waiting for a school-related live stream, me and my friend decided to throw words at each other and make puns out of them. This is one of my most proudest puns.
Given that a case of the sniffles means staying home from school, we give my daughter a daily allergy medicine. My wife was giving her breakfast before school, and when I walked out, I asked if she’d had her medicine yet.
My daughter said yes, and I replied, “So you’re de-Claritin that you’ve had it already?”
Why did a pirate drop out of school early?
Wow. Today in med school I found out bad stuff is generated by one's hips...
My first gig out of school was directing a TV ad for tampons.
This one little boy in about 4th or 5th grade was trying out for a school play. He earned a part and went home to tell his father.
His father was really proud of him. So his father asks what part did you get?
He replies I got the part of a man who has been married for 25 years.
His father congratulated him. And then he said “That’s good son, maybe next time you’ll get a talking role!”
High school started out promising for me, but I ended up selling meat as a job.
I guess you can say I butchered my grades.
I had a girlfriend in high school that I dumped when I found out she was missing a toe on her left foot...
I guess that makes me lack-toes intolerant.
I almost failed out of cosmetology school.
So I had to take a few makeup classes.
Why did the tree drop out of school?
He kept failing twigonometry.
I was going to be a doctor but they kicked me out of med school when they found out I was a coward...
The dean said, "It takes guts to learn anatomy."
I was thrown out of music school for plagiarism.
They thought I was stealing songs, but I was just taking notes.
Prisoner tunnels out of jail and emerges in a school playground shouting “I’m free”!
Little girl walks up and shouts “I’m four!”
I recently found out that in most schools nowadays ...
Brass instruments are band.
I got kicked out of school for getting married.
I was going for my bachelor’s degree.
By the time my brother got out of the 4th grade, we all knew what he was gonna be when he left high school
Does anyone know where we find the handmade Mother's Day gifts the school sends out each year?
I checked my kids' backpacks like usual but they weren't there.
They kicked me out of art school when my sculpture didn't work out as planned.
I reached my statue of limitations.
My high school did a musical of a guy taking a girl out to dinner...
Did you hear about the cow who dropped out of school to start a computer business?
Congraduations to everyone who just got out of high school!
Looked out my school bus window to be greeted with this
Which nursery rhyme got Sean Connery kicked out of pre-school?
I was never able to ask my crush out on high school because I was math nerd
I guess I was 2² to ask her out
I just took my last exam before graduating out of culinary school.
The final was a piece of cake.
„Did you hear about the kidnapping at out school today?“
„No what happened?“
„The teacher woke him up.“
Why did Dracula get kicked out of art school?
He could only draw blood.
Why was the lightbulb kicked out of school?
TIL about Arda Djoques, a homeless woman in Baltimore who wandered into a school and pretended to be a substitute teacher for two weeks. Despite great reviews from her peers, when the school found out, she was forcefully thrown to the street.
I went to high school with a Buzzfeed writer, and I remember him offering me $20 to hang out with him and his friends.
Turns out it was Clique bait.
What happens when a trashy person drops out of school?
Fish school is weird. Turns out its not the smart fish that take debate.
My daughter got kicked out of school for wearing black clothes and make-up
I don't get it, she just goth there.
Did you hear about the beautician who flunked out of school?
She didn’t do her makeup work
My co-worker just related to me a story about how her high school cross country team used to re-tell the same joke over and over through out the year.
I asked her if it was a running joke...
It's bad to skip school to go out bungee jumping with your friends...
After explaining to his parents that he was going to drop out of med school and instead focus on being a mime,
they said, "you don't say!"
While making dinner last night I asked my wife if she knew which celebrity failed out of cooking school for not chopping enough.
she had no idea it was Julianne Moore... and I had no idea her eyes could roll like that.
My school used to give out wintergreen lifesavers to students taking standardized tests
But gum is our new tester mint.
Why did the Orange drop out of school?
The lead singer of Nickelback tried out for his school Christmas play...
But he never made it as a wise man.
Today I found out there are 8 schools in the Ivy League...
It should actually be called the VIII League
Why don't teachers give out 'E's in grade school?
Because, they're afraid that if they ran out, they'd be in grad school.
It turns out Keanu Reeves did a movie back in the 90s where he played a High School student who stopped aging.
It was called “Constant Teen”.
People who drop out of school have no principals or class.
Caught my wife and daughter off guard with this one! On the way to drop our daughter off at school, there had unfortunately been a possum that had just been hit in. Every passerby ran to check on it. I casually said “Those people better watch out, this road is obviously impossumble to cross”
I just took my last exam before graduating out of culinary school.
The final was a piece of cake.
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