So my dad thought he would try the ultimate dad joke card game with my 4 year old daughter... good old 52 card pick up!
They sit down, he gets her excited to play, he does the cards all over thing and they both laugh. My 4 year old daughter then picks up 2 cards and says "Here you go!" in a drop mic fashion and walks away to go play something else. She handed him a 5 and a 2.
Her: So I hear you have a girlfriend?
Son: (passivley since its his first real "relationship") Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that.
Her: So what's her name?
Son: Miranda.
Her: Well you better treat her with respect. You're gonna pay if you don't because Miranda has rights.
So today in school we were went on dates with energy (we were given a random energy and fact about them) so I said "I sure hope I get geothermal because then they'd be hot...
One of the funniest school puns; science puns
Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium? It went OK. If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they’d be alloys.
The optimist sees the glass half full. The pessimist sees the glass half empty. The chemist sees the glass completely full, half with liquid and half with air.
If you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the precipitate.
A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage. He says, “No, I’m traveling light.”
Did you just mutate for a stop codon? Because you’re talking nonsense!
How did the English major define microtome on his biology exam? An itsy bitsy book.
What did Gregor Mendel say when he founded genetics? Woopea!
Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero? He’s 0K now.
I wish I was adenine, then, I could get paired with U.
Anyone know any jokes about sodium? Na
Two chemists go into a bar. The first one says “I think I’ll have an H2O.” The second one says “I think I’ll have an H2O too” — and he died.
A couple of biologists had twins. They named one Jessica and the other Control.
Did you hear the one about the recycling triplets? Their names are Polly, Ethel, and Ian.
Why can you never trust atoms? They make up everything!
What element is a girl’s future best friend? Carbon.
I had to make these bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.
Why are chemists great for solving problems? They have all the solutions.
What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms? A ferrous wheel.
What did the male stamen say to the female pistil? I like your “style.”
I’m reading a great book on anti-gravity. I can’t put it down.
I have a new theory on inertia but it doesn’t seem to be gaining momentum.
Why can’t atheists solve exponential equations? Because they don’t believe in higher powers.
Schrodinger’s cat walks into a bar. And doesn’t.
Do you know the name Pavlov? It rings a bell.
What does a subatomic duck say? Quark!
A neutron walks into a bar and asks how much for a beer. Bartender replies “For you, no charge”.
Two atoms are walking along. One of them says: “Oh, no, I think I lost an electron.” “Are you sure?”
“Ye
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Its fine he woke up.
Math, because it gets to use its cow-culator!
I am so proud, haha, she got a chuckle with that one!
It's ok, he woke up.
In high school once our history teacher asked who bombed pearl harbor, a Japanese kid raised his hand and the teacher said; correct!
C+
(I have no regrets)
"Oh really?"
"Yeah, it runs in your jeans!"
Because he's dead
Anubus.
supply teachers
It was quite the play on words
He went from kidneys to kid knees.
At least I stuck to my principals.
It’s opened so many doors for me
Bison
It's a multistep process with its many ups and downs.
I couldn't even draw a blank.
It was a pair-ant teacher conference.
They got caught smoking sea weed.
It was grated
Did you folks hear about the kidnapping at school today, don’t worry, the kid woke up
I have to admit, he made some good points…
He then proceeded to tell me everything was ok after they woke him up.
When he climbed up the steps to the second floor, people were giving him odd looks left and right.
It was a flight of stares!
Because he learned everything on the web.
Minnows!
1 Sea-mester.
I think that’s just nuts
"Maybe next time, you'll get a speaking part."
It's their most successful auntie-bullying campaign to date.
On the ride home from school my son told me he had a bad day. He had diarrhea 3 times at school.
I said "sounds like you had a poopy day"
He laughed and said "good Dad joke Dad".
I'm raising a good one.
Told her I'm gonna make her a shirt that says:
Registered Saxophoner
With a signing bonus!
Cookie sheets! :-)
They give sound advice
Sure, like my son is going to marry someone twice his age...
It's ok, he woke up.
It's ok. He woke up.
It’s ok, he woke up.
Bison
