I don’t know why I have such a hard time putting on a scarf.

I just can’t wrap my head around it.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2020
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Please vote here: When a prince ties fabric around his neck, is it a scarf, cravat or an ascot?

Voting has ended. It's a tie.

πŸ‘︎ 68
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OK_Compooper
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2020
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What did the hat say to the scarf?

You hang around here, I’ll go on ahead.

πŸ‘︎ 409
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πŸ‘€︎ u/juhaodbrokule
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2020
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A scarf always looks terrible on me and I don't understand why...

I just can't wrap my head around it.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2020
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My wife told me today, "Look, I've had this since high school and it still fits me."

Me: "Yeah!!! It's a scarf. "

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2021
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My wife and I walked past a woman wearing a piano scarf

I turned to my wife and said, β€œthat scarf must be a key piece of her wardrobe.”

Queue eye roll

β€œSorry, that fell flat. I’m a bit tired today and off the beat, but don’t worry. I’ll make a comebach.”

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MarkovManiac
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2018
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I blindfolded my wife with a scarf yesterday

I really pulled the wool over her eyes

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ismyusername
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2019
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What piece of winter clothing is edible?

A scarf.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2020
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Did you hear about the emergency surgery to remove a neckbeard, scarf and fedora?

Doctors were pleased to announce the first ever successful hipsterectomy.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OttawaCharlie
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2018
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The mother of my children just finished knitting a scarf

She wrapped it around her neck, and got her mouth and nose covered as well:

Me: Hey, you look like a wooligan!

She: ... (glaring..) and you look awfully proud of yourself.

Indeed I was.

πŸ‘︎ 41
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πŸ‘€︎ u/h4milt0n
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2015
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If we wore a scarf on our butt...

Would we call it an asscot?

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/stevenatripp
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2014
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As my wife was cleaning out the closet, she suddenly shouted excitedly, "Can you believe it?! After 10 years and it still fits!"

I laughed, "Babe, it's a scarf!"

πŸ‘︎ 63
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2019
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My wife was going through our wardrobe and said

β€œLook at this, it still fits me after 25 years!”

I said, β€œit’s a scarf”

Apologize if this is a repost of some kind, my grandpa just sent me this as a text with his very limited energy. I wanted to honor his out-of-nowhere dad humor even in his old age.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Blame-RS
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2019
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I've just started knitting for the Mafia

They call me Scarf Ace

πŸ‘︎ 50
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πŸ‘€︎ u/feathersoft
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2018
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My time in the mafia served me well

I got so good with scarves, they started calling me scarf ace.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Uglyoldbob
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2019
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Did you know Al Pacino is awesome at crochet.....

.....he's a real scarf ace.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/2donutkid2
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2019
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Dad joked at a barbecue

We had just finished barbecuing, and my sister accidentally dropped her hot dog on the floor. My parent's dog instantly pounced on it and scarfed it down in one bite.

My grandpa then turned to me with the biggest shit-eating grin:

"It's a dog-eat-dog world."

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ“…︎ May 13 2014
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I'm starting a company that makes edible neck warmers

My slogan will be "You can't resist scarfing these down."

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cantaloupe_elope
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2019
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It was so cold outside yesterday, that we took a man into our home, out of the kindness of our hearts...

We felt so sorry for him because the poor guy was completely covered in snow, but this morning, he had just vanished!

Not a word, not even a goodbye or a thank you for sheltering him!

The last straw was when I realized he had peed all over the living room floor!

That's the thanks we get for being good to people?!

I'm warning all of you to watch out for this man!

He is a heavy set, white guy, wearing nothing but a scarf.

He has a nose that looks like a carrot, two black eyes, and his arms are so skinny, they look like sticks.

Whatever you do, don't bring him into your house!

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2017
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Woman driving along the road while knitting. Cop rolls down his window and shouts "Pullover maam"!

Woman shouts back, "no actually, its a scarf."

πŸ‘︎ 41
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πŸ‘€︎ u/eltegs
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2017
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My Grandpa told the longest buildup to the "dad"-est joke I've ever heard.

So there was a murderer and his name was Ardy. His last name was too long and complicated and everyone knew him in town, so everyone called him "Ardy". One of his buddies asked him to kill this guy for $3000 and after Ardy did a bit of research, he realized he knew him and had a grudge against him for years. So Ardy told the guy: "I hate this guy so much, I'll kill him for free."

Ardy's buddy said "Are you sure? I gotta give you something!"

So Ardy said, "Ok ok. I'll do it for a dollar."

The next morning, the guy was at Meijer (A grocery store) and Ardy came up behind him and choked him with his scarf. When he was done killing him, there was a woman screaming at him to stop. So Ardy had to choke her with his scarf too. After that, he ran to his car and there was an old man watching him, so Ardy went over and choked him too. In the middle of killing the old man, the police pulled up and arrested Ardy. After a bit of interrogation, Ardy admitted to killing all of them, and especially the first guy for only a dollar.

The next morning, the headlines read:

Ardy Chokes 3 for a Dollar at Meijer

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Legownz
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2016
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Was at the grocery store when a gentleman hit us with these

What did the scarf say to the hat?
You go on ahead I'll come around!

Why was the strawberry crying? Her mother was in a jam!

He said a couple more in rapid fire, we were groaning and laughing too hard to remember. He said Oprah told him to.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/licktapus
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2015
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Dadjoked my friend while knitting.

I was about a fourth of the way through knitting a scarf, and I turned to my friend and said, "Damn, I'll never finish this by Wednesday...unless....I PULL AN ALL-KNITTER!" She was very disappointed, and I felt ready for fatherhood.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Idoliftbro
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2013
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What did the scarf say to the hat?

I’m going to hang around here, you go on a head.

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cormac-Dockry
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2020
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What did the scarf say to the hat?

You can go on a head. I’ll just hang around.

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/an_demon
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2020
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What did the hat say to the scarf?

You can hang around. I'll just go on ahead.

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2019
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What did the hat say to the scarf?

You can hang around. I'll just go on ahead.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2019
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What did the scarf say to the hat?

You go on ahead, I am going to hang around a bit longer.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2019
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What did the scarf say to the hat?

You go on ahead, I am going to hang around a bit longer.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2019
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What did the scarf say to the hat?

You go on ahead, I am going to hang around a bit longer.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the hat say to the scarf?

You can hang around. I'll just go on ahead.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2019
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What did the hat say to the scarf?

You can hang around. I'll just go on ahead.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2019
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What did the hat say to the scarf?

You can hang around. I'll just go on ahead.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2019
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What did the scarf say to the beanie?

You go on a head, I'll just hang around here.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bearinthegarden14
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2019
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What did the scarf say to the hat?

You go on ahead, I am going to hang around a bit longer.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Quint_Cordewener
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2019
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What did the scarf say to the hat?

You go on ahead; I'm gonna hang around.

πŸ‘︎ 330
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Blinkle
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2017
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What did the scarf say to the hat? You go on ahead, I am going to hang around a bit longer.
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/brookscorbs
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2018
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What did the hat say to the scarf?

You go around while I go on ahead.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WorstGabeNA
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2017
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