Scarfe Puns

Voting has ended. It's a tie.

You hang around here, I’ll go on ahead.

I just can't wrap my head around it.

I turned to my wife and said, “that scarf must be a key piece of her wardrobe.”

Queue eye roll

“Sorry, that fell flat. I’m a bit tired today and off the beat, but don’t worry. I’ll make a comebach.”

I really pulled the wool over her eyes

Doctors were pleased to announce the first ever successful hipsterectomy.

She wrapped it around her neck, and got her mouth and nose covered as well:

Me: Hey, you look like a wooligan!

She: ... (glaring..) and you look awfully proud of yourself.

Indeed I was.

Would we call it an asscot?

I laughed, "Babe, it's a scarf!"

“Look at this, it still fits me after 25 years!”

I said, “it’s a scarf”

Apologize if this is a repost of some kind, my grandpa just sent me this as a text with his very limited energy. I wanted to honor his out-of-nowhere dad humor even in his old age.

I got so good with scarves, they started calling me scarf ace.

They call me Scarf Ace

.....he's a real scarf ace.

My slogan will be "You can't resist scarfing these down."

We felt so sorry for him because the poor guy was completely covered in snow, but this morning, he had just vanished!

Not a word, not even a goodbye or a thank you for sheltering him!

The last straw was when I realized he had peed all over the living room floor!

That's the thanks we get for being good to people?!

I'm warning all of you to watch out for this man!

He is a heavy set, white guy, wearing nothing but a scarf.

He has a nose that looks like a carrot, two black eyes, and his arms are so skinny, they look like sticks.

Whatever you do, don't bring him into your house!

We had just finished barbecuing, and my sister accidentally dropped her hot dog on the floor. My parent's dog instantly pounced on it and scarfed it down in one bite.

My grandpa then turned to me with the biggest shit-eating grin:

"It's a dog-eat-dog world."

Woman shouts back, "no actually, its a scarf."

So there was a murderer and his name was Ardy. His last name was too long and complicated and everyone knew him in town, so everyone called him "Ardy". One of his buddies asked him to kill this guy for $3000 and after Ardy did a bit of research, he realized he knew him and had a grudge against him for years. So Ardy told the guy: "I hate this guy so much, I'll kill him for free."

Ardy's buddy said "Are you sure? I gotta give you something!"

So Ardy said, "Ok ok. I'll do it for a dollar."

The next morning, the guy was at Meijer (A grocery store) and Ardy came up behind him and choked him with his scarf. When he was done killing him, there was a woman screaming at him to stop. So Ardy had to choke her with his scarf too. After that, he ran to his car and there was an old man watching him, so Ardy went over and choked him too. In the middle of killing the old man, the police pulled up and arrested Ardy. After a bit of interrogation, Ardy admitted to killing all of them, and especially the first guy for only a dollar.

The next morning, the headlines read:

Ardy Chokes 3 for a Dollar at Meijer

What did the scarf say to the hat?
You go on ahead I'll come around!

Why was the strawberry crying? Her mother was in a jam!

He said a couple more in rapid fire, we were groaning and laughing too hard to remember. He said Oprah told him to.

I was about a fourth of the way through knitting a scarf, and I turned to my friend and said, "Damn, I'll never finish this by Wednesday...unless....I PULL AN ALL-KNITTER!" She was very disappointed, and I felt ready for fatherhood.

You can go on a head. I’ll just hang around.

I’m going to hang around here, you go on a head.

You can hang around. I'll just go on ahead.

You can hang around. I'll just go on ahead.

You go on ahead, I am going to hang around a bit longer.

You go on ahead, I am going to hang around a bit longer.

You go on ahead, I am going to hang around a bit longer.

You can hang around. I'll just go on ahead.

You can hang around. I'll just go on ahead.

You can hang around. I'll just go on ahead.

You go on a head, I'll just hang around here.

You go on a head, I’ll hang around here (Sorry if this was already used).

You go on ahead, I am going to hang around a bit longer.

You go on ahead; I'm gonna hang around.

You go around while I go on ahead.