Who needs a nornal joke when you can have a running joke?
I exercise by running up the street and knocking on all the doors....
When I pulled up to the hardware store I saw a guy running away with a wooden panel. I got out the car and as i got closer to the store i saw two more guys running away with concrete posts. I said to my wife...
..."ugh! People are so quick to take a fence these days"
Why are dogs so good at running in rough terrain?
When I'm running late dropping my kids off at daycare, I call in to my 8am Zoom meeting from my car.
I call it, "phoning it in."
I just killed a huge spider running across the floor with my shoe.
I don't care how big the spider is, no one steals my shoe!
I tried running for the president
No one will ever make a successful video game about running a coffee shop.
Gamers would never put up with the amount of grinding required.
After telling my kids 3 times I finally said: “why isn’t the dishwasher running!?”
Because it doesn’t have any feet!
I bought some running shoes.
Thankfully I managed to catch up with them.
What did the SWAT team say to the running water?
Running in front of a car will get you tired, but...
Running behind a car will get you exhausted
A friend told me that he keeps running into his ex girlfriends. I said..
Yeah, you gotta stop doing that with your car..
Why did the alcoholic rooster keep running around in circles?
It was chasing after a cocktail.
My heater won't stop running,
What kind of running means you will have to walk?
Have you ever heard the sound of horses running?
It's too good too good too good too good.
Can you imagine running into a Greek Gorgon?
As a reward for preventing the ship from running aground
they gave him a hearty "Atta buoy!"
Why do you never see people running in Jeans alone?
Because Jeans run in a family
Is your refrigerator running?
I was hoping to vote for it.
This happened a while back, I was dropping my 7 year old school son to school. “Son, hurry up, we’re running late.”
Son: “no dad, we’re walking late.”
I told the cop, “You can’t give me a ticket. I’m running a marathon tomorrow.”
The cop said, “Sir, that’s not how you play the race card.”
Goldilocks, running from the 3 bears, finds herself in a dead end with nothing but a bag of ice. Papa bear is Drunk and scary. What happens next?
A Goldy-smack with a cold sack in a cul de sac, which is more than a bear with beer could bare.
Just happened. My kids are running around blowing a party noise marker. My wife's sister says " it sounds like an elephant in there"
I look up, straight faced, and calmly reply, "yeah, we don't talk about that.."
My wife buried her face for a good minute.. I'm proud of that one.
EDIT: I showed my wife how many ppl thought this was funny and she told me to say "please don't encourage him" .. :)
What did one memory buffer say to the other memory buffer as it was running away...
.... cache me if you can.
I just saw 10 ants frantically running around my kitchen. I felt bad so I built them a small house.
Now I’m their landlord and I collect rent from my tenants.
Why was the virgin always running?
Because she was being chaste!
Advertisers for cream cheese are running schmear campaigns...
...and they should all be lox'd up for their capers.
What did the man say to the judge after running over chickens at a playground?
“In my defense, Your Honor, there were no signs of fowl play”
What do you call a running turkey?
Hey, is your refrigerator running?
Good. I'd vote for it over Trump or Biden any day.
What's the difference between Gordon Ramsay's favorite dish and a slow-running computer?
One is a rack of lamb, the other is a lack of RAM.
It’s crazy, all these people running these virtual races, starting all over the place.
Where do we draw the line?
Stores are running out of toilet paper again.
Is your nose running?
If so, I might vote for it.
Is your refrigeator running?
Then you better catch it if you want your dinner!
Is your computer running? Then you'd better catch it!
Why aren’t there any running jokes about snakes?
Maybe because it doesn’t have legs.
I am trying to get in shape by running on my treadmill every morning
But I dont feel like I'm getting anywhere
What did the herb farmer say when he was running behind schedule?
Is your refrigerator running?
Because at this point I’d vote for anyone other than who currently is...
Guy gets pulled over for running a stop sign. He says to the cop “give me a break man, I slowed down.” The cop starts beating on the guy and says...
“So... do you want me to slow down or do you want me to stop?”
How do you call a runner when he is running from a cannibal?
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