I'm quite the music history buff- always have been. My first inkling as a college student was to explore turning this into a career. So I found a music museum, wrote an impassioned essay, and somehow landed the 12-week internship.
When I got there, I met the curator, a woman named Rhonda. Like me, she had grown up enjoying music and always wanting to know more. Thanks to grants and donors' generosity, she had helped continue the museum's legacy of showcasing what might otherwise be lost to history.
The tradition of the museum had always been to let the interns work in the orchestral wing. My assignment in particular was the string section.
Now I didn't know a whole lot about the string family, but I saw some really fine specimens and decided we could perhaps tell a broader story about the progression of the instruments. And so I began studying.
After about a week of studying, I went to Rhonda and asked if we could do something different here. She was very receptive to the idea and introduced me to her assistant, Dr. Will. His PhD was in history, natch, but he still relished having everyone call him Doctor. It was funny.
Dr. Will helped me learn so much about how the family of instruments developed over time, their overall cultural footprint, etc.
Did you know a fiddle and a violin are the same thing? Did you know the viola family dates back to the 16th C.? Vivaldi wrote 25 cello concertos!
I dazzled visitors with tales of the Stradivarius, Amati and Guarneri families. I noted the increase in neck length over time. I reassured them that despite the name catgut, no cat intestines were used in the creation of these instruments—but it sure might be sheep or goat.
Sadly, 12 weeks goes by quickly when you're having fun, and I got enthusiastic letters of recommendation from Rhonda and Dr. Will, and I do miss them. Hello, you two.
I figured I could waltz (sorry) right in to more museum jobs later, but boy, was I mistaken.
I kept interviewing for the job, but after about the 10th cold shoulder, I had to find out what I was doing wrong. I had done such a good job, after all, right??????
So I fucking called the museum
got the guy who interviewed me on the line—and he wasn't thrilled to even talk to me. But I asked him, sir, why didn't I even get a call back? Weren't my qualifications good?
He said, yes, BUT.......
"...we simply can't hire someone who has exhibited a history of violins."
I need a Plan B.
I've just seen Chris Rea get off a train
Turns out I had barely scratched the Surface.
Because 2022 is 2020 too
Should have used the naan-stick pan instead
I don't know how I did that... I didn't even know it was her birthday
They just wouldn’t stop Björking
https://imgur.com/gallery/87MbnGu
I was a Fender bender.
I lost the plot.
Can’t believe he let the cat out of the bag.
Should've bought asparagus
March Sadness.
He went to a lot of kneadless trouble
...and the second half, by our children.
Father in law: Have you ever seen pine nuts?
Me: Yah why?
FIL: How did you get it to spread it's legs(snickers)
Me: Log splitter (drinks beer)
She told a group of us that there was a huge black line down the middle of all the invites, I asked "so I guess black lines do matter?" She hit me, told me I was stupid, then cried. I feel it was worth it.
Person two: "I guess you could say the anti-stick went out of the frying pan, into the water."
What do you get when you cross a midget with a prostitute?
- A lil fucker about this high
In the car, I tried to get my 7yr old with the classic "Matterdeer" joke, and it went like this.
Me: Hey son, what's the difference between a matterdeer and a matador?
Son: They sound similar, but they're spelled differently.
Me: Have I told you I love you today?
Wife: Yes, but it's nice to hear.
Me: I love you today.
I knew you were rubble when I walked in.
Just discovered this awesome subreddit and have a dad joke that I heard while hanging out with my friend a while back. We're driving back to their house and the interaction went like this:
Friend: Hey dad, want to hear a joke?
Dad: Sure, hit me!
Friend: What did the Mexican firefighter name his two sons?
Dad: thinks to himself Phoenix and Scottsdale!
Friend: I-what? Phoenix and Scottsdale?
Dad: Yeah, you said his two sons! Tuscon, Arizona! Phoenix and Scottsdale!
He just howled with laughter while my friend kept calling him lame.
Him- "Wanna hear something scary"
Me- "Boo"
This morning my family was gathered around the table at breakfast...
Me: Oh hey look there's a cardinal out by the tree My dad: Is the pope out there with him?
Horrifying...
Was with the girlfriend and she was pointing out scars she had. When she pointed out one on her hand I started smacking a rhythm out on her hand. When she asked "What are you doing?" I simply replied: "I'm playing some ska!"
