We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. Itā€™s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind itā€™s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I donā€™t think itā€™s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

Thereā€™s a new type of broom out, itā€™s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels canā€™t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, itā€™s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldnā€™t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didnā€™t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit āž”

šŸ‘︎ 21
šŸ’¬︎
šŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
šŸšØ︎ report
124 dad jokes that will make you laugh and cringe

Dad, did you get a haircut? No I got them all cut.

What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car? Carlos.

Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I donā€™t think theyā€™ll fit me.

Can I watch the TV? Dad: Yes, but donā€™t turn it on.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. Itā€™s a little fishy.

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

You know, people say they pick their nose, but I feel like I was just born with mine.

ā€œEvery time I hurt myself, even to this day, my dad says, ā€˜The good news is..itā€™ll feel better when it quits hurting.'ā€

Whatā€™s brown and sticky? A stick.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind itā€™s tearable.

Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.

ā€œIā€™ll call you later!ā€- ā€œPlease donā€™t do that. Iā€™ve always asked you to call me Dad!ā€

Q: Why did the cookie cry? A: Because his father was a wafer so long!

What did the mountain climber name his son? Cliff.

This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be dying to get in there.

ā€œMy dad literally told me this one last week: ā€˜Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? They say he made a mint.ā€™ā€

ā€œWhenever the cashier at the grocery store asks my dad if he would like the milk in a bag he replies, ā€˜No, just leave it in the carton!ā€™ā€

I got so angry the other day when I couldnā€™t find my stress ball.

If I had a dime for every book Iā€™ve ever read, Iā€™d say: ā€œWow, thatā€™s coincidental.ā€

Iā€™m not indecisive. Unless you want me to be.

How many apples grow on a tree? All of them.

How does a penguin build itā€™s house? Igloos it together.

ā€œMe: ā€˜Dad, make me a sandwich!ā€™ Dad: ā€˜Poof, Youā€™re a sandwich!ā€™ā€

ā€œI heard there was a new store called Moderation. They have everything there

A steak pun is a rare medium well done.

ā€œHow can you tell if a ant is a boy or a girl? Theyā€™re all girls, otherwise theyā€™d be uncles.ā€

Milk is also the fastest liquid on earth ā€“ its pasteurized before you even see it

ā€œWhatā€™s Forrest Gumpā€™s password? 1forrest1ā€

The only thing worse than having diarrhea is having to spell it.

I asked my friend to help me with a math problem. He said: ā€œDonā€™t worry; this is a piece of cake.ā€ I said: ā€œNo, itā€™s a math problem.ā€

I keep trying to lose weight, but it keeps finding me.

I donā€™t play soccer because I enjoy the sport. Iā€™m just doing it for kicks.

Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head.

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?

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šŸ‘︎ 39
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šŸ‘¤︎ u/weeb123xD
šŸ“…︎ May 19 2019
šŸšØ︎ report
Puns for Kids

The funniest and shortest puns for kids, you always remember while teaching children puns, try to choose the short ones because they are easy for them to remember and register.

Puns for Kids

Why are teddy bears never hungry? They are always stuffed!


What do you get when you cross a snake and a pie? A pie-thon!


Where do polar bears vote? The North Poll.


What did the judge say when the skunk walked into the court room? Odor in the court!


Two silkworms had a race. They ended up in a tie.


Why are fish so smart? Because they live in schools.


The streets in the capital of Afghanistan are paved with Kabulstones.


How does a lion greet the other animals in the field? Pleased to eat you.


What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn? An egg roll!


No matter how much you push the envelope, it will still be stationery.


Why did the turkey cross the road? To prove he wasnā€™t chicken!


What musical is about a train conductor? ā€œMy Fare, Ladyā€.


A man drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.


What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.


What animals are on legal documents? Seals!


Why did the lion spit out the clown? Because he tasted funny!


Why did the bumble bee leave the house? It heard the school was having a spelling bee.


Being struck by lightning is really a shocking experience!


How do celebrities stay cool? They have many fans!


Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze!


Dockyard: A physicianā€™s garden.


What did the angry mother say to the boiling pot of spaghetti? Simmer down!


The lights were too bright at the Chinese restaurant so the manager decided to dim sum.


ā€œWhatā€™s purple and 5000 miles long?ā€ ā€œOoh! I know! The Grape Wall of China!ā€


Every calendarā€™s days are numbered.


This duck walks into a bar and orders a beer. ā€œFour bucks,ā€ says the bartender. ā€œPut it on my bill.ā€


I used to be twins. My mother has a picture of me when I was two.


What sound do porcupines make when they kiss? Ouch!


When does a well-dressed lion look like a weed? When heā€™s a dandelion (dandy lion).


Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a-salted.


A bicycle canā€™t stand on its own because it is

... keep reading on reddit āž”

šŸ‘︎ 9
šŸ’¬︎
šŸ‘¤︎ u/Punsville
šŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2017
šŸšØ︎ report
A giant list of puns from r/copypasta

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. Itā€™s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind itā€™s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I donā€™t think itā€™s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

Thereā€™s a new type of broom out, itā€™s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels canā€™t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, itā€™s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldnā€™t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didnā€™t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit āž”

šŸ‘︎ 7
šŸ’¬︎
šŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
šŸšØ︎ report
514 Dad Jokes

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. Itā€™s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind itā€™s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I donā€™t think itā€™s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

Thereā€™s a new type of broom out, itā€™s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels canā€™t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, itā€™s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldnā€™t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn

... keep reading on reddit āž”

šŸ‘︎ 73
šŸ’¬︎
šŸ‘¤︎ u/Josvys
šŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
šŸšØ︎ report

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