“Now this takes me back”
It always takes me back
In the car with my Dad, he starts reversing into a space.
"Ahh yes, this takes me back"
"Hey dude, are you alright?"
'Yeah, why?'
"Well most people are half left"
I was almost beat, and then I shot back 'What happened to the first half?'
For a moment I won. 3 seconds later, with the biggest smile on his face, he says "Oh, its alright"
I received the fastest ban alive.
There’s no going back now.
Paul Reverse.
It’s when the devil tells a priest to exit the child’s body.
I think, huh, this takes me back
I can't wait to see how it turns out.
Homework time.. complaining, I don’t wanna, etc.
Me: Nicky, I’m getting upset.
Nicky: Well, hello, Getting Upset, I’m Nicky.
Then he dabbed and walked away. Nothing in my life has prepared me for this.
Dark, wasn’t it?
Everyone keeps telling me no.
But I left him a note on my bank statement so he knows not to bother calling me.
And left
Noted researcher Rosemary Fuller was involved in a lab accident today. She's working on the theory that herb-based formulas can actually reverse or accelerate the aging process. Parsley, for example, has been shown to cause rapid aging, and recent efforts have shown good results with oregano-based anti-aging serums. Ms Fuller was, unfortunately, standing near a vat of simmering oregano serum when a nearby researcher nudged her and she fell in! It appeared at first that the anti-aging serum would cause her to de-age down to nothing. Now, though, it looks like she'll be all right. The Parsley's aged Rosemary in time.
which also means nothing.
But backwards it’s even more stupid...
Backwords
That was a pain in the ass.
It said they charged him with battery
Because they are anti clock 'wise'
Anyone have any tips?
My dad used to always tell me never to look back
I know it's been done before, and many a dad before me and many a dad after me will get to experience this, but in these dark times this was a ray of light that pierced me right to the core with joy.
I came home, and my bright and bubbly ballerina 6 year old runs up and says can I have a hug!?
She asks very tentatively because she knows I have been out all day and the routine is for me to grab a shower (COVID) before I let them get all over me.
So I say, not yet I'm dirty.
She says awww... then she turns to walk away, but then spins back around and looks at me dead in the eye and says:
Hi! um...
wait a sec,
um, I know um,
um, wait.... dir...
[Face beams the biggest smile of accomplishment]
Hi Dirty! I'm [daughter]!
I know we have those proud moments when they turn, but man her delivery, the awkwardness, and the sheer pride she beamed out when she realized she just pulled the reverse dad joke on me...
It's not the getting reverse dad'd, it's the joy and pride she had... she could have just graduated college, and that's how big her beaming smile was right then...
It's a memory I am going to keep and it really lit up this dark time.
"Dad, can I go swimming?"
"Not right now. Wait five or ten minutes."
"Ok, I choose five."
"... Fair enough."
Defendant: Say-you-did-what.
Judge: What did you say?
Defendant: Thanks for reversing my sentence.
Do not read it.
Since I got one I haven’t looked back.
So I removed the whole mirror.
I haven’t looked back since.
That’s because we never turn our back on family.
A donkey-whisperer rapper-wanna-be, I was able to back that ass up, yo. Uh huh.
You open up an apple.
SMH, they're so wrong.
Daughter: Daddy can we race
Me: sorry we can’t your sick.
Daughter: what?!?! I’m not six I’m four! So we can race.
We were discussing an upcoming business trip I'm taking you next week, when he says:
"So what's taking you there, other then the plane?"
Smooth Dad, real smooth.....
Son: let’s do so...!
...done!
Now, where is my reward?
Dad: ...
What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.
I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.
Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.
Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!
I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.
What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.
How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.
I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.
Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.
I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.
My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.
Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.
How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.
What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.
Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.
There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.
What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.
What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.
Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.
Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.
How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.
The shovel was a ground breaking invention.
A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."
A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."
Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.
What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.
I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.
What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.
I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.
Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.
Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"
Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.
What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.
Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.
A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.
After the accident, the juggler didn
... keep reading on reddit ➡She said she would under no circumstances perform reverse psychology
Our friend in the back seat was a dad for a short while. All I heard her say was "I guess only half of the car is backing up."
I'm so proud of her.
There's no going back now.
Pull MyCartney
So it's been almost 3 weeks since a lockdown was triggered in the UK and there have been quite a few knock on effects.. Some good and some bad which I want to share in this post.
Firstly one of my friends lost his job. He worked as a psychic.. Never saw it coming. Its been a difficult couple of weeks and he is now considering a complete career change...considering becoming a baker of all things.. But I suppose he really kneads the dough. I suggested he focus on photography, but nothing ever developed.
Another of my friends was also made redundant. He managed to get a Skype interview for a position in Tescos within a few days. The interviewer asked him: "what is your biggest weakness?", he replied "I don't know when to quit". The interviewer said "OK, your hired". He said "I quit".
Work has been busy for me but since I can't enjoy the things I usually do I have been looking for some new things to do around the house. It's been nice have the thyme to do more cooking. I randomly started a boat building business in my garage.. Sails have gone through the roof.
In an unsettling reversal of my teenage years I am now shouting at my parents for leaving the house. I suggested they take up scrabble to keep them occupied.. Turned out to be a bad idea from the word go.
It's been great hearing about how world pollution levels have been failling. I read the story about fish now being visible in the canals in Venice.. I hope that story isnt a load of pollocks! Cod, these were eely bad. Will stop carping on now!
It takes me back.
Have a night's day.
Hopefully it will turn out OK.
I've thought about fixing it but in the end I CBA
Her: Knock, Knock..
Me: Come in...
I then spent the next 10 minutes trying to make her stop crying because I ruined her joke.
I bought a universal charge cable.
They're all right now.
It's okay I can Samurais it for you.
You boil the hell out of it.
Son: Dada, I want sumfin' to eat. Me: Oh are you hungry? Son: No Dada, I Malcolm.
"Ahh, this takes me back!"
There’s no turning back now.
It's when the demon takes the priest out of the child.
There’s no going back now.
“This takes me back.”
Dark, wasn’t it?
....this takes me back.
There’s no going back now.
“Oh man, this takes me back”
Man this takes me back
It really takes me back.
rac ym
can't wait to see how it turns out.
There’s no going back now.
That would be grape.
Do *not* read it!
Ahhhh. This takes me back.
"Ahhh....this takes me back..."
Every. time.
You get your house back, you get your wife back, you get your tractor back...
I’ll let you know how it turns out.
I can't wait to see how they turn out.
*Dad putting a car in reverse*
Dad: "Ahhh, this takes me back."
I'm excited to see how they turn out.
